Beauty from Ashes
by TBloves2read
Summary: AU Glee Drama: Mercedes is a music and show choir teacher in a school near her hometown of Lima, Ohio. She is drawn back into a friendship instigated by her old high school chum Brittany Pierce who has married Sam Evans. Brittany has been diagnosed with cancer and wants Mercedes to be a part of her children and husband's lives. One devastating event sends everyone into a tailspin.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is a departure from my previous writing. I have been toying with trying to write a first person narrative. I would like to say that this experience lived up to my expectation, but by Chapter Five, I had written myself in a trap. This work is almost completely done. It is entirely AU and only has a few similarities with the show** ** _Glee._** **I don't own any of the characters except my OCs. I hope you stick with an uncomfortable ride to discover how all the characters' journeys end.**

Chapter One

I guess in order to understand the predicament that I am in that you must learn a little about me. So, I am going to give you the abbreviated autobiography of my life. I was born in Lima, Ohio on August 27, 1981 to Margarita "Maggie" DuBois Jones a homemaker and Dr. Edward "Eddie" Jones a dentist. My mother and father had met in college in the Sixties and married each other in 1967. My dad had left his native home in Mobile, Alabama to attend college at Xavier University in Louisiana. My mother was from New Orleans and was only a commuter to the college, but my dad lived in the male dorm. The two met at church and my dad always tells the tale of how he fell in love with my mom at first sound instead of sight. He was visiting churches in New Orleans and heard my mom singing a solo with her choir, and he was sure she was to be his wife.

The two had a long courtship because although my dad was sure, my mom definitely wasn't. However, he completely won her heart and won over my maternal grandparents, and they had a big wedding at that same church they had met after they graduated college. My mother received her degree in education, and my dad received his degree in chemistry. My father proposed to my mother when he was accepted to Case Western Reserve University School of Dental Medicine. He had a distant relative Jefferson J. Jones who had just joined the faculty there in 1967 and had encouraged him to apply. The young couple moved to Cleveland and my mom was hired to teach at a local elementary school. She was the primary breadwinner until my dad finally finished school in three years and was able to do his internship in Cleveland as well. It wasn't until 1971 that my parents moved to Lima Ohio. My father had gotten a position at a white dental office that wanted to include black patients now that lower class blacks could receive Medicare to pay for visits. However, they were having problems getting black people in and decided to hire a black dentist to remedy this problem.

Because teacher's salaries in the 1970s were lower than factory workers, my parents were unable to buy a home when they moved to Lima. Instead they were able to afford an apartment in the working class neighborhood of Lima Heights Adjacent. Lima Heights was a housing project and during the early Seventies was not too bad of a place to live. My parents made too much money to be allowed to stay in the government assistance housing complexes, but they were satisfied with their two-bedroom apartment located adjacent to Lima Heights. When my dad became the only dentist that many of the blacks in our community would see, his income increased, and my parents began saving up money for their dream home.

It was in 1976 that my mom discovered she was pregnant with my big brother Edward "EJ" Jefferson Jones II, and they finally decided to move into their dream home. The only place they could afford and loved which had no nearby neighbors that would object to a black family moving in next door was out in the farming district of Lima not far from I-75. The four bedroom three-bathroom house was my mother's dream home, and she spent her entire pregnancy decorating it before they moved in a month after EJ was born on November 19, 1976. My mom made a decision at that time to not return to work until after my brother began school.

However, fate had something else in store for my family. My mother discovered she was pregnant with me on my brother's fourth birthday. My dad was making enough money to afford another child without my mom having to go to back to work, so she resigned herself to being a housewife for five more years. When I was born the only person who was not happy in my family was my big brother. He had spent five years being the center of attention and if he had to have a sibling, he wanted a baby brother to play ball with not a yelling, parent hogging little sister. It wasn't until I was three that he stopped calling me Musty and began calling me Mercy because I finally won him over by following him around and playing ball with him.

When I used to meet people, they would automatically assume that I was from Lima Heights or Lima Heights Adjacent, and my parents couldn't afford a Mercedes Benz and that was how I got my name. Little did they know that my mother's family are Louisiana Creoles, and Mercedes was a family name given to all first daughters on my mother's side of the family. Her grandmother was legally Mercedes DuBois but went by the name of "Sadie". My legal name is Mercedes Joy DuBois Jones, and often my family's nickname for me, which I hated, was MJ. I hated it because it was similar to brother's nickname and sounded like a boy (Michael Jackson, Michael Jordan…), so I only allowed my family to use it.

By the time I began school in 1986, I was ready to socialize with young people who didn't go to the same church I attended. I had one good friend from church and her name was Kenya, and I was excited that she would be in my class. Lima had five elementary schools, and most of the people in my church attended the school near Lima Heights Adjacent. However, Kenya's mother worked at our new school as a teacher, and that's why she was going to be able to attend East Lima Elementary with me. My brother EJ was ten going on eleven when I started school, and although he told me about my teacher and the school, he was going to fifth grade and could barely remember his first year there. Because my mom had also gotten a job at East Lima thanks to Kenya's mom, I was less nervous about starting school than I would have been if my brother and mother were not going to the same place. I was one of the few children who didn't cry that first day of school. I had my best friend, and my mother's class was just two hallways away, so there was no need for tears for me.

I was what my mother called a "fast" girl having already fallen in love with one of my classmates before the school year began. I met Matt Rutherford when he was a patient of my dad's. We were having our teeth cleaned on the same day, and I was in love with him just like my Barbie was in love with Ken. I told my mother he was my boyfriend even though we didn't even speak to each other. My brother had a girlfriend, so I thought I had to have a boyfriend, and I had chosen Matt whether he liked it or not. There were only four black people in my class at East Lima, and I spent most of my time playing with Kenya that I hardly ever gave anybody else in my class a thought.

Unfortunately for me, my next year at East Lima were all about changes. Because there were not enough minorities in our school, students from Lima Heights Adjacent were bussed to our school, and I could tell that none of them liked me because according to them I talked and dressed funny. I always used correct grammar because my mother was a teacher, and because my dad was a dentist, and I was my mom's only daughter, she would dress me in dresses instead of the jeans and T-shirts the other kids wore.

Other changes were my brother was now in middle school, and I was put in an accelerated group. If you listen to my mom, she would tell you that I was born reading, but because my mom had taught me since I was three to read, write, and do basic mathematics, I was well ahead of everyone in my class including Kenya. Kenya was having a hard time with reading, and I would help her before every sight word test, but no matter how much help I gave her, she couldn't keep up; and because I was in an accelerated group, this put a strain on our friendship. The people in my accelerated group were three boys: Mike Chang, Artie Abrams, and Sam Evans, and the three girls in my accelerated group were Lucy Quinn Fabray, Tina Cohen Chang, and me. You would be surprised that out of everybody in our diverse group who I felt the closest to. The person who became my second best friend was blonde hair and hazel eyed Lucy Quinn Fabray.

Our friendship was cemented when she had a bloody nose on top of Sam's reader, and me being grossed out by the blood vomited on poor Sam. Our teacher freaked out sending us to the nurse. My mom couldn't leave school to take me home and see about me, and her mom was a nurse and wouldn't make it to the school until after lunch, so we spent the rest of the hour bonding in the nurse office laughing about the look on Sam's face when we doubled our whammy on him. His mom had to bring him a change of clothes, and when her mom came to pick her up, I realized I had met my soul sister because we both had so much in common. She was my age, in my accelerated group, had an older sister who was the same age as my brother named Fran. She was the baby in her family, wore dresses to school, and talked like me, so from that day on we decided we were meant to be the best of friends.

When Kenya was put in a different homeroom the next year, and I was still with my accelerated group, I cried for a little while, but Lucy Quinn was right there to make me feel better. From that first day of second grade, we began to rule our school. Everybody knew we were the best of friends, and I even fought the class bully Azimio Adams when he tried to bully her. I ended up making him cry, and I got the reputation for the being bravest and smartest girl in the school. I was able to make Azimio cry because EJ had taught me how to fight when he realized I was going to be short like mom, and he didn't want me bullied. He took karate classes, and would teach me basic moves, and I was pretty good at it and wanted to attend classes, but my daddy couldn't bear to think of his little baby girl pinned to a mat by some boy.

Out of the two of us Lucy Quinn was the first to get a real boyfriend. She liked a boy in our class named Finn Hudson, and the two of them were our official class couple in fourth grade. I thought they made a good couple even though I thought Finn was weird looking. When our class would go outside for recess, boy-girl relationships were what we talked about the most. One day and I am only mentioning this one day because it is the basis of how I got in the predicament that I am currently in, I was asked by Finn would I date a white boy. If you wanted to see a blushing black girl, then you would have seen one that day if you could have seen me. I told him no while I watched him look at Sam who looked as if I had broken his heart. At the time, I just thought he asked the question because I hung around white people at school more than black people, and I paid the question no mind and quickly changed the subject to pretending that Rachel Berry was a rabid bat who was chasing us on the jungle gyms. It was our favorite game to play, and if Rachel had to play with us, then it was only when we played this game.

By the time we got to middle school, Lucy Quinn had broken up with Finn and was now dating Sam Evans. Sam had grown into his ears and lips and was the most gorgeous guy second to Matt Rutherford in our school. I admit that I even had crush on him, because his mother sold him to us as our seventh grade teacher as being the perfect future husband. She told us he could cook, clean, play the piano, sing, and play any and all sports. So all of us girls thought he was hot, and I was proud that my best friend got to be his girlfriend. I thought that they would be the perfect couple. I liked Sam more than I liked Finn, so I was happy for my friend. When our school took the Beta Club members to Six Flags, Sam, Lucy Quinn, Artie Abrams, and I all hung out together and rode rides together. After the trip, she told me she wanted to break up with Sam and asked me to call him to do it for her. So, I called Sam and told him that Lucy Quinn wanted to break up. She called me later and told me that he talked her back into going with him, and the rest of middle school, I could no longer look him in the eye because he thought I was the one that pressured Lucy Quinn into breaking up with him.

Fast forward to high school and even more changes, my brother was now attending college, and over the summer I went through puberty and had Dolly Parton sized breasts and still hadn't lost my childhood chubbiness. Lucy Quinn who had been my best friend/soul sister from another mister was no longer my best friend. Lucy Quinn who went by Quinn now had tried out for the cheerleaders because she had lost a lot of weight over the summer taking dance class while I took singing lessons. When she became a part of the squad, she acted like she no longer knew my name and that was fine with me. I was a nerd who was a part of our school's glee club, and I had an archenemy name Azimio Adams, who was fascinated with my cleavage and my behind and thought it was his job to make my life miserable. He told all the boys in school that I was his girlfriend, and some of the boys actually believed this lie or were too intimidated by him to challenge him. This meant that I had no boyfriend throughout high school, and my main objective everyday was to avoid the creep. It got so bad in high school that I spent my lunch time in the library and was grateful that I took accelerated classes so that I was able to avoid him.

I had a rag tag bunch of friends who were in glee club, and one ended up being the most popular girl in school…Brittany Pierce. Brittany was so sweet to me when everybody else at the school who wasn't in the Honor's Society or glee club were horrible to me. We became great friends, and just like in the past when I had a pretty blonde friend guess who began dating her when she broke up with her upper class boyfriend during his senior year? No one other than Sam Evans. Now I had little exposure to Sam since his hatred of me over the Lucy Quinn incident in seventh grade. And one of the other times he had seen me he said some pretty hurtful things and I jacked him up with one arm against a door to scare the baby Jesus out of him and after that he pretty much left me alone. But now he was dating my very good friend, and I still chose to ignore him throughout their relationship. During our senior year in high school, I finally became semi-popular when I was known as the most post popular girl in the school's friend. Yes, Brittany was more popular than Quinn who had started going out with the school's bad boy Noah Puckerman after dyeing her hair pink and starting a filthy smoking habit and quitting the cheerleading squad.

When I graduated high school, I was determined to put my past behind me and follow my dreams to become a music teacher who wrote songs on the side. I left Lima to attend Oberlin College in Oberlin, Ohio, which wasn't far from my brother who was attending my father's alma mater of Case Western in Cleveland. He was going to open up Jones Dentistry when he graduated with my dad in Lima to give my dad to take a lighter work load now that he was in his mid-fifties. I was planning on being fully busy doing a five-year dual degree program from the Conservatory of Music and the College of Arts and Sciences. I also planned to stay another year and half for a Master of Music in Teaching. Needless to say, I was able to succeed and meet my own goals, and when I graduated in 2005, I decided to stay away from Lima and make my home in Solon., Ohio.

I lived and worked in Solon contentedly as a music teacher and rarely visited home. My parents were always asking me when I was going to settle down and get married. My dad called me his old maid, and after a while I got tired of the jokes. Most people meet the person they are going to marry in school or college. I just was too busy with my schoolwork to meet any guys who were not white, already taken, too old, or homosexual. When I began my teaching career, I was one of the only single people at my school, so meeting someone at work was not a possibility.

My friends were all married, and I never felt like being the third wheel, so I kept to myself. I enjoyed watching movies, reading books, and composing music during my down time. I went on trips to foreign countries during my summer vacations. I was living and enjoying the single life without a regret. It wasn't until I had a couple of nephews born that I decided to move closer to my family. I didn't want to be too close so that I became the dependable babysitter, but I did want to spend Sundays with my family after my brother married his wife Andrea nee Cohen Jones who was a dental hygienist. They had two boys E3 legally known as Edward Jones the third and the baby who was my heart Drew legally known as Andrew Cohen-Jones.

So, being the good Auntie Mimi that I was at the age of 30, I moved to Findlay which was thirty minutes from Lima and was given the job of music teacher at the high school. I was over the 9th Grade choir, V.I.P. - Voices in Perfection Freshmen Show Choir. I was waiting for Mr. Manley, who was the 10th-12th show choir teacher, to retire. I assisted him with the choir and so far we had over four Grand Championships and nine national awards under our belt. I knew our choir had what it took to win internationally, but Mr. Manley had been teaching for almost thirty years, and his taste was limiting the choir's chances to win. The last championship we had won had been over two years ago. My main responsibility with the choir was choreography and costumes because Mr. Manley forbade me to ever come up with the set lists for the songs. I helped the sopranos and second sopranos learn their parts, but other than that I was just his assistant. I was grateful that I had my own choir were I was free to let the students help me in choosing songs, and we performed in and around the Findlay community for the past five years.

Now, that has been my life for the 35 almost 36 years of my life. A single working woman who lived not too far from her home town and was busy with family and work, so that I didn't have time for friendships with people who were outside my circle. Helping with the senior show choir while having a show choir of my own while teaching kept me busy most days until dinner time. The only free time I had was during the summer time. The summer of 2016 changed my life in more ways than one. So now read on to find how my life got turned upside down and in and out.


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own any of the characters except my OCs. Triggers are drug use and cancer in this chapter.**

Chapter Two

"Mercedes Jones is that you?" I heard a voice come up behind me in the store and was shocked when I turned around to see who was calling my name. Who knew that shopping at Target in Ohio on a Saturday for my sister-in-law who had both children covered in chicken pox would mean that I would run into my old middle school teacher Mrs. Evans?

"Yes ma'am." I replied when I recognized her face and gave her a hug. I hadn't seen her in over seventeen years, and she still remembered me. She was my favorite teacher at the middle school level, and she was somebody that I would always appreciate for recognizing my talents and encouraging me to reach for my dreams.

"What are you up to now?" She asked me, and I told her why I was back in Lima, and how I lived in Findlay and was working as a high school music teacher/show choir leader. She told me how her children were doing. I already knew Sam had married Brittany, and they had two blonde haired little girls, and her youngest son Stevie had married as well.

When she mentioned Stevie, I could vaguely remember a little boy who would stare at me all the time when we were in elementary school. When I became older, I realized that the young Evans had a crush on me, and if I saw him, I made sure to smile and wave at him. He didn't look anything like his brother. His hair was lighter than Sam's sun-streaked light brown hair, and instead of green eyes like Sam, he had blue eyes and was very slender in build. I looked at pictures of Stevie and his wife and daughter on her cell phone as well as Sam and Brittany's family. I promised her that I would visit the family farm where they all lived in three separate houses. We exchanged phone numbers, and I was usually too busy to call her, but I did keep my word and finally went to see her on the farm the following Spring.

The two of us struck up an unconventional friendship and whenever I went to Lima to see my family, I would take some time to drive four miles to visit Mrs. Evans. Her husband Dwight had died from a heart attack not too many years prior to this, and she was quite lonely now that she had retired from teaching. Sam had joined Stevie in taking over the horse farm, and both of their wives taught at the local primary school. Brittany was a Pre-K teacher which did not surprise me at all. She was the friendliest most obtuse person in the world, and I knew her students loved her. When I went to visit Mrs. Evans, I never would run into her children or grandchildren because the girls were all horse mad and were involved in equestrian events or helping out on the farm on most weekends.

I was shocked beyond words when Mrs. Evans asked me to come by her home one Sunday in June. I pulled my car into the driveway and noticed there was another car in the yard that I didn't recognize. When I knocked on the door, I was shocked to see Sam Evans answering the door and reaching out for a hug like we were long lost friends. I didn't want to be rude, so I returned the hug and exchanged pleasantries as I made my way into the house looking for Mrs. Evans.

"Mercedes Jones, I can't believe it is you!" I looked around and saw the gorgeous Brittany Evans. She hadn't changed a bit since high school and had kept her lean figure after giving birth to two girls. She wore her hair in a much shorter bob; I noticed as she snatched me into a hug which I warmly returned realizing just how much I missed my old high school friend.

"Brittany," was all I could say before she interrupted me leading me into the covered porch that was the family's visiting area to introduce me to her two daughters.

"This chunky one right here is named Stacy Susann aka Fergie. Mama Evans told me that you wanted to be her honorary godmother, and I told her this, so she thinks you are her fairy godmother like in the movie Cinderella. And this mini me is Taylor Marie named after Taylor Swift and Mama Evans. You know I had to name my children after popstars. I was going to name our son if we had a boy Chris Evans though like the actor, but God knew best. Remember how you recommended Taylor to me as a baby name when we were discussing future children's names in high school?"

"Wow Britt and Sam, your daughters are truly beautiful." I began saying as soon as she gave me opportunity to talk. "And no I don't remember it, but I always did like Taylor as a girl's name, so I am glad you picked it."

"I have been longing for you to come and see us for years. Whenever Sam runs into your mom in town, he always used to ask about you. We were excited that you moved away from here. I always thought you would be a big star now performing on Broadway."

"We'll I did do some summer intensives in Broadway during college, but roles that featured my style of singing and body type are few and far between. There would be no way that I could make a living on the stage. Furthermore, that New York air kept me ill with sinus infections, plus teaching is in my blood, and I wouldn't trade what I do now for all the Tony Awards in the world."

"Your school's choir has beaten our old school choir every year in Sectionals. Even though I work at the primary level, I still keep up with our alma mater. They haven't won a championship since Santana, you, and I graduated. You remember the other schools would see us and shake in their shoes. Nobody could do three-part harmony the way we did in Girl's Trio."

"Yes ma'am we were always trouble for the competition. Have you heard from Santana lately?" I asked forgetting all about Latina who was more Brittany's friend than my own.

"Oh, she's still here in Lima. She is the girl's PE teacher and cheerleading coach. She came out as a lesbian not too long after she went to college and was caught on several Girls Gone Wild videos making out with other girls. So, we were surprised that local Board of Education approved her when she applied several years ago for the job. She is hoping that rumors surrounding you are true that you are a lesbian too, so she gave me her number to give to you if you still had that amazing T&A that you had in high school." Brittany whispered all this in my ear while giggling like a school girl. She told her daughters to go help their Dad and Gram with supper, so she wouldn't have to whisper to Mercedes.

"Girl, you are still so crazy; tell Tana that unfortunately for her the rumors are just lies. I just haven't found the right one and refuse to be in a relationship just to say I got a man." I replied back to her not surprised that my name and rumors were running rife throughout Lima. Nobody could understand why I was still single, and I had given up trying to explain it to everyone.

"Well, that ruins Sam's plan of inviting you into to our bed for a threesome." Brittany said right before Sam entered the room.

I knew Brittany was joking but having Sam enter the room right after she said this caused me to blush and made me unable to meet his eyes. I was grateful that Mrs. Evans had come to tell us that lunch was ready, and we headed into the dining room to eat Sunday supper.

After the meal, we all talked about the past, and then I answered questions about my job and my house that I had purchased over three years ago. I felt like I spent most of the meal talking instead of eating. Brittany and her girls asked so many questions from my hair which I was wearing naturally curly to my shoes. I hate to admit to being a shoe-aholic, but I am one, and the shoes I had on were the ones that I had worn to church and were my favorite silver heels. These silver heels further convinced Stacy that I was her fairy godmother even more, and the little girl who had made sure she was seated next me questioned me the most throughout the meal.

Sam volunteered to clean up the kitchen, and Brittany decided to use this time to take me on a walk, so we could have a private conversation. I realized when she told everyone what we were going to do that everybody in the Evans family were privy to some information that I obviously was clueless about.

"Mercedes, I know that it has been over fifteen years since we last saw each other, but I knew in high school as I know now that I never had a friend that I could trust as much as I trust you. I had Mama Evans invite you here to meet with me for an important reason."

Brittany's words caused my heart to sink to my knees. I instantly knew something was wrong with my old friend, and I was afraid to find out. "Okay, Britt, please tell me why I am here, and we're voluntarily outside walking in 100-degree weather." Mercedes demanded knowing that if it was bad news, then she wanted to hear it fast and leave fast, so she could deal with it privately.

"Well, you know the reason why I was so ditzy in high school was because Santana and I were getting high whenever and however we could. We took Ecstasy to control our weight and were popping Mollies before that slang term was being used and smoked weed to keep calm and to help us go to sleep. That was how Sam and I got together. He liked weed, and I liked getting my drugs through my boyfriends and smoking with them on late night dates so my parents wouldn't find out. You know all the food I would sneak and share with you to eat in class was because I was having the munchies sometimes when we smoked before school began."

I was not the least bit surprised by Brittany's drug confession. I knew that she was friends with Quinn and Noah Puckerman. Noah was one of Sam's best friends. And everybody knew that Noah was the school's drug pusher. Their entire popular circle at school were known to party hard, and I never attended their parties to find out whether or not it was true. Because Brittany spent so much time with Sam after school when he wasn't at football practice, I tried to avoid her because I didn't want to see him that much. I was never around that particular clique which included Santana who would pick at me because of my weight when she was around Quinn and Puckerman. Being around Quinn was also something I tried to do as little as possible.

Brittany interrupted my thoughts by continuing her confession. "Sam convinced me to stop taking E and smoking weed when we found out that I was pregnant with Taylor Marie. I stopped cold turkey and continued to be drug free until after Stacy was born. I started back taking the E behind Sam's back because I had turned thirty and it was harder for me to lose the weight. I promised myself I would stop, but I became addicted to it again. I lost a lot of weight, and Sam was very worried about me, so he wanted me to go see a doctor. I didn't want the doctor in our small community realizing that I was on ecstasy, so I began to wean myself off of it like I did the first time. I was successful but my health was still a problem. I had noticed a lump appearing on my neck, and even though I was clean, I still didn't want to go to the doctor, so I tried to diagnose it and treat it myself." Brittany took a break, and I could see the tears in her eyes.

"Nothing I did work. I became a health and fitness fanatic, and the only vice I still had left over from high school was tanning. You know how I used to love tanning beds and trying to get as brown as you. Well, instead of becoming smaller the lump had grown to the size of an egg, and Sam made me go to the doctor by scheduling the appointment and driving me there himself."

I knew what was coming next without Brittany saying the words. Her small frame with so much height and her shortened hair could only mean one thing the Big C. I began praying under my breath for strength while I listened to Brittany as she continued to talk.

"The doctor didn't want to scare me, and he ran all kinds of tests to determine if what something that he could easily rule out. However, a week had passed and my lymph node was still swollen, so the doctor told me to visit a pathologist at our local hospital, and the pathologist performed a fine needle aspiration on the lymph node. We had to wait about 10 days for the results. And that is when I got the worst news of my life. I was diagnosed a year ago with Stage Four metastatic melanoma. Skin cancer…. I couldn't believe it. Sam burst into tears with me when we find out the devastating news. The doctor gave us some private time, and then came back with a treatment plan that had proven successful even though the life expectancy with most people diagnosed with this type and stage of cancer could be anything from 2 months to 2 years."

I couldn't keep the tears from rolling down my face. Brittany my sweet Britt Britt could be dying. She was too young, beautiful, and sweet to be dealt the heartbreaking blow. Thoughts of her husband, her children, her parents, her students, and anyone else who was connected to her began to flood my mind, and I began sobbing so loudly that Brittany had to stop talking and grab me into a hug. It was so wrong having her to comfort me when I should be the steadfast one and strong for her.

"It's okay Mercy J. I didn't tell you this to make you feel sad. I just wanted to give my husband who has really grown up and matured during all of this something special, and that is why I invited you here. You see although Sam loves me and would never leave me for someone else, I know that he has always been infatuated with you. I know you thought he hated you, but hate and love are two sides of the same coin. He has always had a crush on you, and you have been his fantasy when he was little boy masturbating on this very farm, and when we talk about the one person we both have as the one person we would cheat with, you have always been his answer. Even though, my person has changed from Mike Chang to Justin Timberlake to Channing Tatum. You know I love a man who can dance better than me." Brittany admitted trying to shock me out of my tears and bring a smile to my face.

When she saw the incredulous expression on my face, she continued before I could interrupt her, "You thought I was kidding about the threesome. I was not. My husband has been lusting after your lady parts since you were the first girl in your class to need a bra in fourth grade. He told me he was going to ask you to be his first girlfriend if Finn hadn't messed everything up."

"Brittany, are you alright is the sun affecting you and your condition. I think you need to sit down over there in the shade because I think you have lost your ever loving mind." I told her as I led her to the chairs under the big oak tree.

"Mercedes, I am fine, and I am not lying. My husband has gone without sex for almost two years. When I started to detox from my ecstasy addiction, I told him I needed for us to have separate bedrooms. So, the whole time I have spent getting clean and then being diagnosed with life threatening cancer have allowed me to realize my mortality and allowed me to be very frank and open with my husband. He knows about my battle with ecstasy and all my secrets. And I know all of his secrets. I tried to be his fantasy girl to help him masturbate, but he can't maintain an erection around me. I even bought him a blow up doll that looks just like me, but he has been without sex and hasn't complained at all."

"Brittany what medications do they have you on? You shouldn't be telling these things about you and Sam. I haven't seen you two in almost twenty years, and although I love you like a sister, somethings should stay behind the marital bedroom door."

"Well, you know how I am Mercedes. I have learned now more than ever to live every moment as though it is my last. I just found out that after my third round of biochemotherapy and my latest MRI that the cancer has spread from my lymph nodes to my lungs and to my brain. I haven't told Sam, Mary, my parents, or the girls. I am on morphine and do have some medicinal marijuana brownies every now and then. But I know I am about to ask you to do something that is going to test our friendship, but will you please consider spending the rest of the summer here on the horse farm. We have the log cabin that is fully renovated, so you would have your own private space and wouldn't have to see us every day. I want us to reconnect as friends and for my daughters to get know you. You have been an amazing friend to Mama Evans, and I know if I should die and the next round of chemo is unsuccessful, that I can be assured that my husband and children would be in good hands with you around as their friend."

"Brittany, you have just told me a lot of information. So, I am going to need some time to process all of this. Right now I feel like I am having a lucid dream, and none of this is real. How about I promise to be around for you this summer because you are my friend. That may mean I decide to housesit for my parents who are going on a Fourth of July week cruise. But I will be here for you as your friend for as long as you need me."

"I knew I could trust you to want to hang around me. I knew our friendship was a true friendship. I am still going to try to convince you to stay out here because there is more I need to tell you."

"I honestly don't think I can take any more news from you. You have been dealt a blow that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, and you are still the same good person that first initiated a friendship with me. During high school, you kept me from some extreme bullying, and when I think back on my fondest memories of high school, you are in almost every single one of them. Just because time and life circumstances allowed us to grow physically apart doesn't mean that our bond as friends could ever be severed. Remember the song we used to sing in glee club: "Friends" by Michael W. Smith. Let's sing it again for old times' sakes.

Packing up the dreams God planted/In the fertile soil of you/I can't believe the hopes He's granted/Means a chapter of your life is through

But we'll keep you close as always/It won't even seem you've gone/'Cause our hearts in big and small ways/Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever/If the Lord's the Lord of them/And a friend will not say never

'Cause the welcome will not end/Though it's hard to let you go/In the Father's hands we know

That a lifetime's not too long/To live as friends (Chorus)

And with the faith and love God's given/Springing from the hope we know

We will pray the joy you live in/Is the strength that now you show

We'll keep you close as always/It won't even seem you've gone/'Cause our hearts in big and small ways/Will keep the love that keeps us strong

Repeat Chorus Twice

Though it's hard to let you go/In the Father's hands we know/That a lifetime's not too long

To live as friends/No a lifetime's not too long/To live as friends

There was not a dry eye on either of their faces as they finished singing the song and began holding each other. Mercedes was the strong one this time as she felt Brittney's tears soak her dress. They stayed out there for what felt like hours before Sam came outside to check on his wife. He picked Brittney up and took her to their automobile. When he came back he looked at Mercedes with what appeared to be torment in his eyes. Mercedes didn't know what to say to break their uncomfortable silence. Fortunately for them both, the girls came running out their grandmother's house.

"Where's mommy?" Stacy asked when she saw only her dad and Miss Cedes under the tree.

"It is time for her daily nap; so I am going to take her home. She wanted you two to finish giving Miss Mercedes a tour of the farm. Do you think you are both capable of doing that?" He asked them hoping he could use the time they spent walking Mercedes around the farm to get Britt in bed and asleep so they wouldn't see her red eyes and tear stained cheeks.

"Yes daddy; Miss Cedes is my fairy godmother, and I want to show her my pony first." Stacy said looking at Mercedes with awe in her eyes.

"I am going to show her my pony first cos I am the oldest." Taylor Marie said contradicting her sister.

"Now girls, if you both can't work out where you are going, I am sure Miss Mercedes won't mind going back inside in the air conditioning and visiting with your Gram while you two come home with mom and me and take a nap with the both of us."

"It's okay daddy. I will let Stacy show Miss Cedes her pony first because everybody knows you save the best for last." Taylor Marie said sounding just as argumentative as her dad used to sound when they were in school and he disagreed with her.

"I can see now that although Taylor Marie looks like her mother, she is your daughter Samuel Evans. You have a lot of ways like your daddy young lady, and I can tell you stories about him growing up that even your mother doesn't know like the time I threw up all over him." Mercedes said trying to distract the girls and give Sam a convenient way to go take Brittany home.

"Don't listen to a word, she says girls. I deny everything, and I should stay to make sure she doesn't tell you any more stories, but I gotta get your mama home." Sam said looking at Mercedes in silent gratitude for the distraction because he was sure Stacy was going to suggest that her pony is best, and she should go last and that would cause them to disagree all over again. Sam took advantage of the diversion tactic she offered, so he could get going without having to take his daughters with him.

"Please Miss Cedes tell us more." Taylor Marie begged as she grabbed one hand and Stacy grabbed another as the headed back inside of the house.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks to all of you who are reading this tale. I will try to finish it by next week. I only write for myself, so if you want to leave constructive criticism, you can always PM me. I am not about reviews but do appreciate those who follow and favorite my work. As always I own nothing related to the television show Glee. Please excuse all mistakes. I do not have BETA which hurts because it's really hard to find errors.**

After driving home from an emotionally exhaustive day at the Evans' Farm, I was fit to be tied. I was so depressed about Brittany's health that I couldn't concentrate on my plans for the rest of the summer. I had wanted to do some serious song writing and soul searching instead of the usual traveling that I had been doing for the last ten years. I had been to Sydney Australia, Auckland New Zealand, London England, Cape Town South Africa, toured the high and lowlands of Scotland, seen the Aurora Borealis in Alaska, vacationed in several beaches in Hawaii, and last year I went to Paris France and Florence Italy. This summer I was supposed to go to Hong Kong after taking the yearly summer Caribbean cruise with my family for our Jones Family Reunion.

Now, I didn't want to be anywhere but Lima, Ohio, for the first time in my adult life. I talked the situation over with my mom, and she agreed that I needed to spend as much time with Brittany as I could. The only thing she was worried about was me not taking time for myself.

"Baby girl, you can't go on putting job, show choirs, family, and friends before yourself. You will burn out, and you are too young to be having all this stress. I want you to promise me that you will take a week before going back to work to spend time relaxing and just being."

"I promise Mama," I told her as I received a hug and dinner leftovers from her. My dad and my mom were the best parents when it came for comforting their children. My dad may not agree on my career choice (he wanted me to be a dentist or dental hygienist) or the fact that I was single and his old maid that refused to live with him. He thought I was crazy buying a house less than thirty miles away from them for one person. He wanted me to commute to work which I could have, but after living on my own for so long, I knew that I would be unable to live at home.

"Well, I know your dad would be ecstatic if you moved in here for the summer, so you could be close to Brittany, but are you willing to put up with him dropping hints on how you should sell your home and come move back home permanently?" Her mom asked her when I told her of the offer of the log cabin that Brittany had extended to me.

"I didn't think of dad's obsession of his baby girl under his roof and hearing how it's never too late for me to go to school to be a dental assistant, so he could have all his kids working with him." I admitted to my mother. I had to weigh the pros and cons. Brittany promised me I could have privacy, and who knows maybe being on the horse farm would give me some new inspiration in song writing. I could also pretend that I was on a dude ranch vacation and finally learn how to ride a horse.

I finished thinking of the conversation I had with my mom as I was turning into the driveway of my 2,545 square foot bluish stone ranch home. My house has four bedrooms, two and half baths, a pool, and a pool house which sat on a one acre of land filled with trees. I had gotten it as a foreclosure during the housing market crash. My dad thought it was too much space for a single woman, but I loved my home which resembled a miniature castle to me, and when I had shown pictures of it Stacy, I only extended her belief that I was really her fairy godmother. Stacy and I had a lot in common. I told her grandmother this when I first saw a picture of her. She was short and plump just like I was at her age. With two parents that were tall and far from overweight, she had to feel like a square peg in a round hole. I never wanted to be a role model to thick and short girls, but if I was going to be one to Stacy, I didn't mind at all.

I was not surprised to hear from Brittany before I went to bed that night. I had just finished tying my hair up after my shower when I heard my phone ring. I rushed and put on a robe before answering it.

"Hey, I am sorry for not finalizing any plans with you." Brittany began after we exchanged greetings.

"How about we meet together for lunch tomorrow, and then I can check out this cabin to see if it is suitable for a fairy godmother." I said teasingly.

"That is a good idea. Sam just spent the other day clearing out some of his man cave items. He always used to run away and go there when he felt the house was full of too much estrogen. I paid him no mind because Mama Evans says Sam used to do the same thing when he lived in the house with his brother, and there was not enough estrogen in the three male one female household at the time."

"I think I can remember him telling us at school how the cabin was his special place for camping outside the house. So, when you mentioned me staying there, I was a little ambivalent."

"We remodeled the place while we were building our home. We thought it would be the perfect playhouse for Taylor Marie, but it was too far from our house, so Sam just used it to house his 52-inch flat screen TV, micro-fridge, convection toaster oven, hot plate, king sized bed, recliner, futon, dining table with six chairs for poker nights, and let me see ceiling fans to supplement the indoor portable air conditioners. The cabin has only three rooms. The first open space has a tiny kitchen area and a big den, one bedroom, and one bathroom."

"How about pests…you know how I run away from all creepy things: roaches, spiders, snakes, rats?" I asked the most important question of all.

"We keep it treated just like we do all the houses on the property. The Orkin man comes out every three months to spray and make sure the living spaces are not ridden with pests. Occasionally, flying bugs do come in and that is what Sam and Stevie are for. They will more than likely catch the offending bug and let it go outside, but my little Taylor Marie will squash it and kill it dead. She isn't afraid of bugs, but she doesn't like them enough to see that they live."

"Well, I may just have to borrow Taylor Marie from you. She can be there to protect me from the country critters."

"You are more than welcome to her. She has so many tomboy ways that I am sure it's all her daddy's fault. There are no boys out on the ranch, so he and Stevie treat Taylor Marie just like she is one of the guys. I tell you it's exasperating. Well, it's getting time for us to head back over to Mama Evans for dinner and to pick up the girls to bring home. I am so glad that you are agreeable to spending the summer with me. Words can't express my gratitude. I will see you around noonish tomorrow."

I agreed and quickly hung up. I went through my closet to see what suitable clothes I had for being on a ranch. The knee length red wrap dress and shoes I had worn today were not acceptable at all. I decided to just wear some jean capris and a T-shirt with my hair up in one ponytail. After making this decision, I headed to my kitchen to reheat leftovers from the supper I had missed at my mom's house and enjoyed watching a movie on my laptop.

The next day I headed out to the Evans' farm to meet Brittany this time at her house for the first time. Before I had completely gotten out of the car, I was almost tackled by her two girls. "Miss Cedes, I can't wait to show you our bedroom!" was the first thing I could understand from the excited squeals coming from the girls.

"Girls, I do believe Miss Cedes has come to see me today; however, if you two are well-behaved after we finish our lunch, I am sure she won't mind quickly peeking into your rooms. Now you two go and play. This is my lunch date not yours." Brittany said sternly with a loving smile.

"I promise girls that I will go see your rooms before you all take me to the log cabin that I may be spending the rest of my summer vacation. You two will see me so much that you will be ready to see me return home." I said listening to all the no's they said in response looking at me with sincerity in their eyes.

"You are still the Pied Piper that I always accused of you of being. I remember whenever we sang at the children's hospital how all the little ones would gravitate towards you. I was told by the nurses that they could sense your inner peace and sincerity. Children are great judges of character."

"My mom says that I have been a baby magnet since I was a toddler. For some inexplicable reasons all children like me. When I am at the grocery store, white babies will try to get me to talk them and coo in response when I do my crazy voice. When I am the hospital, Hispanic babies will come up to me and try to have a conversation in Spanish. But it's just not babies Brittany, it's been extended to old people, too."

"Old people are like that with everyone. They need help and aren't too proud to ask strangers for it. But the baby and little children thing is uniquely you. Maybe it's the Lord trying to tell you that you are meant to be a mother." Brittany said as she led me into the kitchen.

She had a breakfast bar, and I could tell it was easy for her to eat in the kitchen then taking the food into the dining room. After we sat down and blessed the meal which consisted of chicken salad, Kettle chips, and sweet tea, we continued our conversation where we had left off.

"Well, according to medical science since I have never had a baby, the possibility of me getting married and having a child without fertility treatments is not high. I am not freezing any of my eggs either. I have two nephews who more than fulfill my desires of motherhood, and the best thing is that I can always give them back when they are teething, sick, and/or just being bratty."

"Well I know they love you. I have seen your brother and his family around time. Their oldest child is the same age as Stacy, and that youngest boy reminds me of a male version of you with those cheeks and eyes. I never noticed how much you and EJ resembled each other until I saw that his son reminded me of the both of you."

"I didn't see it either until I noticed our similarities in Drew. He is three years old now and tells his mother that he wants to come to my house all the time. I had to have a child safety gate placed around the pool because every time he comes over he is drawn to the water."

"That is one thing we don't have out here on the farm. Sam and Stevie said they grew up swimming in the pond. Taylor Marie may be willing to swim with the fish, but Stacy and I always have to wait until we go visit my parents to swim."

"How about I take the girls and my nephews over my house one day this summer. If you feel up to it, you can come to. I know my mom will come with us. She is providing summer childcare for my brother for one month, and Andrea's family in Westerville get the boys for the other month. She gets them in July so that the week we are on our family reunion cruise, she takes the boys, so my brother and sister-in-law can have some private moments together."

"I forgot about your family's cruise. Where are you all going this year?"

"They are going back to Cozumel, Jamaica, and Grand Caymans. I am not going this year. The only Western Caribbean cruise I like is the one to Belize Honduras." I didn't tell Brittany the truth which was that I had intended on going up until yesterday when she gave me the news. I wasn't going to get off the ship. I was just going to use that time onboard to rest, eat whatever I wanted, and be pampered.

Missing the cruise was really a blessing in disguise. My father's family would harp on me being single and childless again. I would have to answer the same old questions that I have been answering for the past fifteen years, and I was happy that I had a legitimate excuse to avoid all things concerning my single barren lifestyle. It ate some of my relatives up that I was content being single. They would try to fix me up with the shadiest people on the cruise ship, and I usually had to go through great lengths to avoid them as much as I could while on board.

I had been so lost in my thoughts that I had tuned out whatever Brittany was saying. I started to refocus my attention when I heard her say something about Sam wanting to teach me how to ride a horse sometime during my stay here this summer.

"Brittany, I do want to learn to ride, but I don't think Sam needs to take time from work and being with you to teach me how to ride a horse."

"Nonsense. Sam is the best rider on the entire farm. You wouldn't want Stevie or Mama Evans teaching you. Stevie would be too distracted by your butt when he helped you onto the saddle, that he wouldn't be much help. And Mama Evans barely rides herself. She is more the gardening and indoor type."

"I am sure Stevie has grown out of his crush on me. Mrs. Evans told me that he had married a girl who had a big butt of her own, and their little girl Meggie takes after Madison her mom.

"Who would have thought that little bitty Madison McCarthy would grow into the Amazon that she did when she had to stop being a cheerleader when she tore her ACL. But all that sitting and eating gained her a badonkadonk. We all knew Stevie was waiting for you to return from college, but big booty Maddie started pursuing him, and he finally allowed her to wear him down into marriage. Mama Evans can barely tolerate her, and unfortunately little Meggie is just like her mom with a big booty too. They don't like being teased by Mama Evans, so they are rarely around all of us."

"How did you know of Stevie's crush on me?" Mercedes had heard about Stevie's big booty bride and their little daughter from Mrs. Evans, so she knew Brittany was telling the truth.

"Every straight male who went to your elementary school was lusting after your lady humps. You were the main locker room conversation. They wanted you even more because you stayed a virgin; even though Azimio wanted everybody to believe that he was dating you; nobody believed his lies on that after they never saw you two together for prom or any other social event. They only refrained from you asking you out because they were afraid of him. He had threatened all of them if they laid a single finger on you. He told everybody that you were the future Mrs. Adams."

"Wow...Brittany you know that is not true. I can't believe all the guys lusted after me. I was overweight no matter how big my boobs and butt were. I can only remember two at the most three staring at me, and yes, Stevie was one of them."

"You were shaped like a woman in middle school. I didn't know you until high school, but everyone knew about you and the fact that a cup could sit on the arch of your butt. When we found out you weren't using your goodies to be popular with the guys, we all believed Azimio lies until I became your friend and knew the truth that you couldn't stand his trifling behind."

"Well Azimio did save me from jerks wanting to talk to me so they could try to get me in bed, but he ruined my entire high school experience with his lies. Let's go get the girls and visit my possible new home for the summer." I told Brittany as we finished up lunch. The girls who were playing in their bedroom wanted to show me every poster, every doll, every stuffed animal and every trophy they had gotten. Taylor Marie had the most because she was quite an accomplished rider. She told me that she wanted to be a jockey when she grew up and compete in Triple Crown events. While her sister who was the opposite had a tiara on her head and was begging me to say and sing 'Bippity Boppity Boo'.

By the time we finally made it to the cabin, I was happy to see that it was quite clean and cool. Brittany told me that Sam had come down and made sure it was fitting for a fairy godmother earlier that morning before heading to the horses. While we were in the cabin, I noticed that the bed had been made with pristine white sheets with a comforter folded near the foot of the bed. The cabin was very rustic in appearance and had all the furniture and appliances that Brittany told me about. I had spent a little time in the mountains in a log cabin style home before, so I knew what to half-way expect. The most important thing was that it was bug free.

"So, Miss Cedes when are you going to move in?" Stacy asked as we began to walk out of the cabin.

"I was thinking about next week. I am going to need time to pack, shop for ranch like clothes, and do all the other little nitpicky things you have to do when you go on vacation." I replied quickly. I wasn't ready to move out to the ranch just yet. It was Monday, and I could see myself spending Saturday night at my parents after spending some time with my nephews then going to church with my family Sunday and coming to the Evans Ranch late that evening.

"Can we come visit your house before you move?" Taylor Marie asked looking as disappointed as her mother and sister.

"Most definitely. How about you all come on Friday? I will give you a tour of the place and send some items back with you that I won't have to worry about driving down on Saturday with in my sure to be overloaded SUV.

"Can we please mom?" The girls asked their mother with their pouty faces.

"I will see if your dad has anything on the agenda. I know you don't have any equestrian events this week, but the both of you are in Vacation Bible School this week. We may be able to meet Miss Cedes at a restaurant then go back to her house and get a couple of boxes."

"I think it's high time I cooked for you all, but with packing and moving, I may be able to do some take-outs or pizza or Chinese delivery; that way I won't have to worry about cleaning up the kitchen before I leave."

"I want Chinese food." was quickly followed by "I want pizza." And I thought of a quick solution.

"How about I make my kitchen island into a Chinese buffet with chicken wings, salads, pizza, fried rice, stir fry veggies, and eggrolls?"

"You really shouldn't go through all the trouble Mercedes." Brittany said not wanting to put any more on Mercedes than she was already doing for her and her family.

"It won't be a problem the pizza place will deliver the pizza, wings, and salads, and the Chinese place will deliver the rice, veggies, and egg rolls. I use them whenever the nephews come and spend the day with me. Cooking for children is not my expertise. I like kale, salmon, quinoa, brown rice, broccoli, spinach, lamb, baked chicken, and cauliflower. Not very kid approved. The only time I cook kid approved meals are the holidays when I cook my lasagna, macaroni and cheese, and honey roasted turkey. I also do a gluten/sugar free banana pudding that only Andrea and I eat."

"If you are sure that it won't be a problem, I am sure that Sam, the girls, and I will love eating at Cedes Buffet. I can't wait for the holidays. I want to try everything you cook. You got my tummy growling, and we just finished lunch not too long ago."

"Well it's a date. I think we should watch a movie while eating something with a princess and a horse\s now what movie would that be I wonder?" I teased the girls by asking them this question.

"Tangled!" They yelled in unison.

"Yep Rapunzel and Maximus and I guess Flynn too should keep us entertained."

"Thank you Mercedes, I may be able to use this an incentive for good behavior all week."

"No need for thanks. We are family, and this is what a family does. If I am a fairy godmother, I have to get used to using my power to do good to bless my goddaughter." I said with my tongue in cheek.

"See I told you Tay Tay, Miss Cedes is my fairy godmother, and I can't wait 'til she's living out here with us." Stacy said with an 'I told you so' look on her face.

"What did you two learn today at VBS?" Brittany asked to stop the incessant arguing her girls got into.

"How we are supposed to be our brother's keeper and our brother is anyone that is close to us girl or boy. We are not supposed to be like Adam and Eve and blame others for our mistakes or be like Cain who killed his brother. We are supposed to help each other do good and be good." Taylor Marie said summing up the lesson nicely.

"So, Stacy is what you just told your sister an example of being your sister's keeper?"

"No, mommy, I am sorry sissy; I don't want you to feel bad. I want you to feel good. How about we go to the stalls and I will help you clean your show horse then we can show your horse and my pony to Miss Cedes."

Taylor Marie accepted her sister's apology, and we headed off toward the ranching side of the property in a golf cart. Brittany drove while the girls got on the back bench seat, and I sat in the front beside her. I tried to not be obvious in my looking at her to make sure she was okay and the heat was not too much for her. As soon as we made it to the stalls where Taylor Marie's horse was housed, we saw Sam and Stevie leading a stallion to a mare's enclosure.

"Hello, ladies, I think you have chosen the worst time to bring Mercedes to the stalls." Sam said smirking at her. "Do you remember how I told you about how we gelded male horses when we were in sixth grade?"

I could only nod my head. Yes, I remembered how one day in class Sam just started talking to me out of the blue. He began explaining how they castrated stallions that were not strong enough to be breeders of great horses. He told me in an explicit detail the entire procedure causing me to blush uncontrollably and of course unnoticeably. That was one lesson that I would never forget.

The relationship I had with Sam Evans was highly unusual. We spent from fourth grade to eighth grade being sworn enemies. Yet, sometimes he could be so nice to me, and other times he was the devil incarnate. I was a young a feminist, and I could remember him insisting that boys were better than girls. I tried to end the argument with that if it wasn't for a girl, his mother, he wouldn't be born. He tried to counteract this with some birds and bees talk, but nobody in our class knew about sex. He was raised on a ranch and knew about sex and castration before I was even interested in the subjects.

Sam looked at me, and I could tell he was remembering torturing me with the story of castration that I tried to pretend to be all big and bad and could take the disgusting details. His smile let me in to the fact that he knew more about me then probably Brittany because he had been around me consistently for 8 years of school and sporadically for 4 years of high school.

I decided to look at the grown up version of Stevie to see if he even recognized me. When I turned around to say hi, I caught him ogling my butt like I had on Apple bottom jeans instead of some jean capris with a T-shirt that couldn't camouflage my butt but could keep you from seeing my panty lines. "Hi Stevie it has been what seventeen years since I last saw you. I asked him ignoring the fact that the first little boy to have a crush on me was now a grown man who still appreciated my curves.

"Yep, it's been about that. Last time I saw you was at my high school graduation. You didn't see me, but I saw you there with Kenya's brother who graduated with me." Stevie mentioning that graduation brought back to my remembrance how good I looked that day. I had worn a sundress that hid my faults and accentuated my curves, and I had a full head of braids for the first time. In high school, I wore my hair straightened after wearing it naturally curly for years. Weaves were not popular when I was in high school, short haircuts like Halle Berry were in style, but I kept my long ponytail until college. While I was away at school, there wasn't anyone who do my hair like my mama, so I had to get micro braids in my hair. Because my hair was pretty long over my shoulders, the weave was braided to the middle of my back. I got all kind of compliments after the graduation ceremony on my new hip look.

"Well, it's good to see you again Stevie. I will be moving into the log cabin on Sunday evening, so I am sure I will get to meet your wife and your little daughter before the summer is over. We are having an impromptu swimming party at my house some time later this month, and I want you to know that your family is invited. It will be a small party with probably my mom, two nephews, Brittany and her two girls. Just let us know if you are interested, and we will give you a date and time."

Sam was looking at me in astonishment. I was talking to Stevie as if he was my long lost classmate and not a young man that I barely spoke ten words to prior to today. Stevie had the biggest smile on my face, and it warmed my heart. Maybe just for the summer I could be a fairy godmother and grant some wishes to a deserving family. Being nice and friendly to Stevie and his family would cost me nothing, and I would rather they liked me, than wish that I was gone from the ranch.

"Miss Cedes you gotta see our horseys." Stacy reminded me as I lingered outside the stall talking to her uncle and her daddy.

"I am coming; believe me if your daddy is about to do with that horse what I think he is, then trust that I don't want to witness or overhear anything." I said after I said goodbye to the brothers and joined the girls in the admiration of their horseflesh. Taylor Ann had a mare named after her favorite soccer player, Mia Hamm. Her horse's registered name was Lady Mia of Hammerstein. After watching the girls groom Lady Mia, I fed her an apple so she could get to know me and my scent. Then, we headed across the stalls to the southern end of the facility where the ponies were kept. It didn't take me long to figure out that the pony with pink ribbon braided through her mane and tale belonged to Stacy. Stacy introduced me to Princess Ella of Cinderwood. After admiring the pony, I could tell that it was time for Brittany's nap, so I led the girls back to the golf cart and insisted that I learn how to drive the contraption seeing that it made sense to ride in it than walk all over the ranch in the unbearable summer heat.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I don't own any copyrighted material used in this work.**

Chapter Four

The week sped by with me making a list of everything I needed to do before leaving for the cabin. By Wednesday, I had suspended my cable and internet service for the rest of the summer, went shopping to buy capris (I was too conscience of my thunder thighs to wear shorts), T-shirts, sunscreen, tank tops, floppy straw hats, gloves, and a pair of riding boots. I also researched the type of cancer Brittany had and homeopathic remedies that had been known to work in keeping up her energy and strength while she was undergoing chemo. I could look at her thin frame and know that she couldn't afford another round of this aggressive therapy because the result would be that there wouldn't be any extra weight of her of left to lose.

Before I knew it, Friday had arrived and I had packed all my groceries that would need refrigerating in bags in an ice cooler that the Evans could roll out to the cabin, and I had three totes filled with my cleaning supplies, dishes, pots, and pans and pantry items that would expire before I returned in July for them to take to the cabin as well. I figured that would leave only my clothing, shoes, toiletries, books, technology, and any other items I would need to pack up in my hybrid Toyota Highlander.

While I waited on my guests to arrive, I went over the must do list to make sure that I had crossed out the majority of the items that were on the two-page list. Traveling around the world had made me a big believer of making lists. Sometimes forgetting to pack items meant going without for days or weeks. I knew that if I left anything this time, I could just go to the store and buy a replacement if it was a cheap item, but if it was medicine or my cell phone, I would have to turn back around and drive back and get it.

When I finished going over my list, I called and ordered the food from the restaurants. Because this wasn't my first time making this order (I made the same order for both of the school show choirs at various times during the school year as well as for the nephews.), they asked me if I wanted the usual and promised it would be delivered within the hour. After taking care of the orders, I turned the TV and DVD player on and put the movie inside. Brittany told me that they would be at my house no later than 5:30, so they could get the girls back home and in their beds by 8:30.

I assumed when I heard the doorbell rang at 5:15 that it was one of the deliveries. Instead I was shocked to find the Evans family at my door. "How did you get here so fast and find my house without directions?" I asked them as I welcomed them into my home.

"Sam put the directions into the GPS, and we just drove slowly until we saw the home that resembled a tiny castle. Sam wanted to leave early just in case we got we lost, but we ended up with no weekend traffic and able to make record time." Brittany explained as I led them into the Great Room where we would be watching the movie.

"Miss Cedes can we have a tour of your home before we eat?" Taylor Marie asked looking at my eclectic artwork that adorned the walls of the room.

"I guess I can give you guys the five-dollar tour." I told them as I led them throughout the house showing them the guest half bathroom first in case any of them needed to use it, and then showing them the rest of the rooms inside the house before taking them outside to see the pool. I didn't take them into the pool house because the pizza delivery man had already called my cell phone notifying me they were at the door.

The Evans expressed their appreciation of the meal and told me that I have a lovely dream home. Stacy wanted to spend the night, but her parents quickly put that out of consideration. The Chinese food had arrived shortly after the pizza and I arranged everything buffet style on the kitchen island which was low enough for the children because I was so short. My cabinets and everything in the kitchen were low on purpose. When I bought the home they were all too high, so I had the entire kitchen remodeled. Sam joked that my kitchen was just the right size for a munchkin as he and Brittany leaned over to fill their plates.

By the time the movie was over, the girls had fallen asleep; one was sprawled on Brittany's lap, and the other was reclining against her daddy's arm. The food was so filling that it made staying awake too hard for them. Sam gently moved so that Taylor Marie slid onto the sofa and then asked where were the items that he needed to take to the cabin for me, and he followed me back into kitchen. I had the cooler sitting beside the four totes, and I followed him outside rolling the cooler, while he carried two of the totes. We both went back inside for the other two totes, and I watched him as he arranged the totes and cooler in the back of his white Ford F-250 crew cab truck.

Neither of us said a word which I thought was pretty weird, but what could I say. This was not a pleasure vacation. It could be like the movie _Beaches,_ and I was not sure I was ready for this. Sam stopped me when I turned around and began to return to the house.

"I just want to thank you for doing this. You know how Brittany is. She is always so optimistic and stubborn in her beliefs. When she told me her plans of inviting you out to spend the summer with us, I was sure you wouldn't agree to it. I know I acted like a pompous jerk in high school, but I was just in my feelings and being a hormonal teenager. I want to apologize to you for all the times I was an idiot. You made me so sick, being almost perfect in school. Did you know my mom would always compare me to you?

I was shocked listening to him. I couldn't believe that Mrs. Evans would do such a thing, but before I could answer him, he continued.

"You didn't drink, smoke, or get in trouble at school, and you were our class Valedictorian. You seem so perfect and good that all of us who were imperfect and enjoying making mistakes couldn't stand the constant comparison. My mother wanted me to marry you. She always wanted you to be her daughter, and now you being here for Brittany during this time, let's me see what my mom and Brittany has always known about you. You are as Stacy's says a fairy godmother. And words can't express my appreciation for the joy, laughter, and hope that has entered our household since you have agreed to do this.

I looked up into his green eyes and saw the sincerity deep within. I remembered sharing my lunch with this boy when were eight years old. Whenever the cafeteria served corn, I would give him mine because it was his favorite food, but it made my tummy hurt because I couldn't digest it. I remembered him not being mad at me when I returned to school after throwing up on him. There were times that he was so nice, and then there were times when he was the devil incarnate. I had to let the past go and accept him as my brother because his mother had already unofficially adopted me, and he was married to my soul sister.

"Just think if only Stevie had waited on me to return, I could actually be your mom's daughter." I began jokingly but seeing the expression in his eyes turn from sadness to something unidentifiable, made me quickly add, "I am you sister now. That woman in my house, Brittany S. Pierce Evans, is like a sister to me. We were both wrong in not keeping up with each other, but she knew all along that we are family, and family are always there when you need them. You don't have to thank me ever again, and I appreciate the apology. How about we just let the past stay in the past, and let's just be there for each other to help one of the sweetest and most beautiful souls who have ever grace the earth (when she is sober that is I added internally remembering that she could be unintentionally cruel when she was high and/or around Santana)."

Sam grabbed me in his arms, and this time I gave him a hug that was authentic. I tried to transfer all my strength into him, and to let him know that I accepted him as being part of my family now. I don't know how long we stood outside in the embrace, but I know it was only interrupted when Brittany came to check on us to see what was taking so long. Reading between the lines and seeing the seriousness of the situation, she interrupted us by saying, "Sam, if you think for one minute you are going to woo Mercedes, leave me with our two daughters, and come live it up in the lap of luxury, you got another thing coming buster."

I laughed at her words knowing she was joking, and added, "Girl, you know Sam don't have the right equipment to tempt me to take him up on the offer even if that was his intention."

Then we both broke out with our remix of Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back": "I like big butts and I cannot lie; you other sisters can't deny that when a boy walks in with a six pack and butt built like a Cadillac, you get warm and want to touch them buns; cause you notice that butt was stuffed; deep in the jeans he's wearing; we are hooked, and we can't stop staring." We burst out in laughter unable to finish the song from the expression on Sam's face.

When we were able to catch our breath, I said, "Brittany and I performed the song along with Santana for my brother's 21st birthday party. He thought he was the Mack having Brittany and Santana serenading his buns." Sam still looked at us as if we had lost our minds.

"Mercy do you remember that fine roommate of his who couldn't keep his eyes off of you. Your mother looked like she was going to knock his eyes into the back of his head every time she caught him staring at your butt. That and the song are the only things I can remember from that party because your parents made us leave when the booze started to be served at the after party. I know for a fact that Santana snuck back in, but I headed home like you, I had Hunter Clarington waiting on me outside in his truck.

"I can't believe you Britt honey, you disparage my flat behind and then bring up that loser. I know I hung around him, but I couldn't stand him. As soon as he broke up with you, he bragged about all the girls he had bedded, and I know he even put the moves on Mercedes."

"What, Mercedes Joy Jones, you never told me that!"

"Because there was nothing to tell, he was going around in the lunchroom hitting girls who wore jeans on the butt. It wasn't like he was trying to get with me." I said before continuing, "We got all the time in the world this summer to get caught up, let's get back in so you can get those girls in their beds before nine."

They followed me inside, and Sam picked up Stacy and carried her outside while Brittany and I exchanged good nights. By the time he had Taylor Marie was buckled in, it was 8:15. I watched them drive away before going into my house and cleaning up the mess, we had made. I had meant to send the leftovers home with them. But I realized the two slices of pizza left over would make a great breakfast, and I could eat the leftover salad for lunch, and the leftover Chinese for dinner. This was my final thought I had as I finished cleaning up the kitchen and headed to my room for my nightly shower.

I left for Lima around 6:45pm the next day. I knew that I wanted to triple check everything because if everything went as planned, I wouldn't be back for a month. I had all my mail forwarded to my parents' house, and I would get it every Sunday that I spent with them. The leftovers came in handy, and I took my trash out to the curb. I had my trash service suspending starting the week after next. I had turned my hot water heater off, and I have left my thermostat on 88 degrees, ten degrees higher than it normally was on in the summer. All major appliances were unplugged and the house was in shutdown until the end of August.

I made sure that I would arrive in Lima when it was time for my parents' bedtime, so I wouldn't have to listen to my dad. I left everything but my overnight bag and my garment bag in the SUV. I had taken a shower and dressed in my pajamas before leaving my home. So, I was ready for bed when I got to my childhood home. I had my own key and the code to the security system, so I let myself in and found my mom sitting in the kitchen at the table waiting on my arrival. I had texted her before leaving my home to let her know that I was on my way.

"Your dad is in the shower; I tell you, as soon as he heard your car pull up, he felt it was safe to undress. I told him you had AAA if you had any problems on the road. He still sees you as his baby girl and doesn't want you driving this late at night which is ridiculous."

"You know how that man is mom. I swear I am glad that I inherited your side of the family's artistic nature, then his scientific analytical brain. I love him, but sometimes he takes things to extremes."

"Well, he is only like that with you and the grandsons. I would think as his wife, he would be the most concerned about me, but he spends most of his time questioning Andrea making sure she is giving the boys, their proper nutrition so they can grow big and strong like their daddy and granddaddy. I know she wants to tell him that she and EJ are more than capable of rearing their boys, but after working with him for almost a decade, she knows it's best to humor him."

"And people wonder why I am not running to the altar to get married. I love my daddy and my brother, but they are not what I am looking for in a husband. I wonder if there is a man out there, who would not try to be overbearing and protective of me because of my short stature. I want a life partner who has my back, not someone coddling me to keep from ever getting hurt."

"Honey, most people just the sweetness in you, but those who are close to you know that you are quite feisty. Some men love feisty women, so don't get disheartened. If you are meant to be married, then one day unexpectedly, love will find you. Just keep following on your life's path and sooner or later you will meet the person who will complement you. And if you don't, then so what. I am tired of people trying to make you feel bad because you are in your thirties and single. Enjoy your singleness like you have being doing and no that haters are going to hate you regardless of your marital status."

"You are the reason why I am so sane. I love you so much mom, and I am grateful that God blessed me with someone with wisdom that I can learn from and be strong and be a victor and not a victim. I don't know what I would do without you."

"You will do the same thing, I had to do when God called my mamma home. You will step up in the long line of DuBois women and know that circumstances don't define you; you have to see yourself as the Creator sees you, fearfully and wonderfully made and through Him that loves us, you are more than a conqueror."

"Preach it mama. I don't think we need to go to church in the morning, you done spoke the word of the Lord." I told her; teasing her while I hugged the woman who molded me into being the woman I was. My mom had retired from teaching in 2008 when she was able to make more money drawing Social Security while getting her retirement checks. She began serving as our church's full time music minister right after her retirement. But now, she was seventy years old, although she looked fifty, and she had fully retired from any additional work than taking care of her family. The most ironic then about my mom's age is that I am now the age she was when she gave birth to me.

My dad interrupted our lovefest, and although he thinks he's always right; I can't help but to be grateful that I had a father who was still working part-time. Instead of aggravating my mom in the house, he aggravated EJ and Andrea on Mondays and Wednesdays from eight until twelve. He said that he had seen all his friends' health declined when they retired at 65, and he didn't want to follow in their examples. My brother would have to hire a new dentist in a couple of years and force my dad to stay at home, but he knew that my dad would still come and work until his health prevented him for doing so.

After saying goodnight to the parents, I went into my childhood lavender palace of a bedroom. The only thing in my room that my mom had changed since I had become an adult was the comforter set. Instead of purple and green, it was now pristine white. The decorative pillows were in a range of colors from lavender to bluish purple. All my posters and other junk were missing from the walls and were now in a trunk in the attic of my own house. My mom kept my first baby picture, my first day of school picture, and all my graduation pictures up on the walls or on the dresser.

Before going to sleep I couldn't help but be preoccupied with death. My parents may live to be a hundred, but it didn't take having my dad's pragmatic mind to realize that the time I had left with them was limited and therefore should be deemed as pressure. I was grateful that God had reconnected me to Mrs. Evans. She was only 59, and I could see that having her in my life was an awesome thing for the both of us. Both of my grandparents were deceased. I didn't have a close relationship to anybody outside my nuclear family. Thinking about death got me to thinking about Brittany's daughters. Would they have the time that I had taken for granted in having with my parents? Would Brittany live to see them graduating, getting married, giving birth? I tried not to let these questions overwhelm me as I prayed for strength to be able to take each day as it comes and leave tomorrow concerns for tomorrow.

The next day went by quickly with church and Sunday supper with my family. I played with my nephews, and we had a grand old time. I tried my best to not spoil the both of them, but they were just too cute and precocious for words. It was after five when my brother left, and I had called to see if the Evans were stirring around. Brittany and Sam had put all my groceries and dishes up for me in the cabin, so all I had to do was bring my SUV filled with the items I would need. I left soon after my brother and his family. Agreeing to have lunch with my mom as much as possible, and I promised my dad that I would be safe on the ranch and that I would make sure my phone was always on me, so that I could speed dial him if I needed anything. It was the same speech he gave me every time, I traveled outside the United States.

When I made it to the Evans, I stopped by Mrs. Evans' house first for the key. Sam had left a key with his mom in case someone needed to get in the cabin when he wasn't there. Mrs. Evans' house was the closest to the cabin, so it made sense to get the key from her. She wouldn't let me move all my belongings in by myself and insisted on helping. I gave her the lightest thing to carry or roll in while I brought in all the heavy stuff. Mrs. Evans had given me an old computer desk, so I could have something to put my laptop and other technology on in the bedroom. She said she wasn't using it, and had Sam and Stevie move it and a clothes armoire until cabin so I would have additional storage for my clothes. I thanked her, and was happy that I wasn't going to have live out a suitcase. I brought a lot of clothes because the cabin didn't have a washing machine. I figured I could wash at home on Sundays when I joined my family for church and dinner.

By the time I was completely moved in, it was well after seven. Mrs. Evans invited me back to the house to eat supper, but I declined telling her that I had leftovers from my mom, and that I would join her for supper tomorrow if she didn't mind or already had plans. She didn't and we agreed to see each other then. She was a retired teacher, but she volunteered on Mondays at her church's soup kitchen, so I wouldn't see her until tomorrow evening.

Before I got into the inviting bed after eating and taking my shower, I texted Brittany to let her know that I was settled in and about to go to sleep. I told her to call me in the morning if she had plans on how we would spend my first official day on the Evans' ranch. I was so tired from the move that I zonked out before even reading her reply.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Part Two of this chapter is rated M. There is a sexual assualt and mentioning of drug and alcohol abuse. Please skip Part Two if these are triggers for you. I don't own any copyrighted material or Glee.**

Chapter Five

 **Part One**

My days on the Evans Ranch became routine to me after the first week. I spent the mornings that Mrs. Evans spent volunteering for her church with Brittany and the girls. Every day was an adventure with all the horse activities that the girls were involved in from dressage, eventing, and show jumping to endurance riding, horse racing, and reining. The first horse show that I was going to attend was going to be in July in Chillicothe, Ohio. Sam was a former equestrian, but Stevie had always been a caregiver of horses and was a veterinarian. Sam trained the horses while Stevie took care of them. I could see Taylor Marie being the equestrian and Stacy being a veterinarian. It was who the two girls gravitated towards when I joined them out on the business end of the ranch that cemented this opinion in my head. Taylor Marie was always around her daddy, and Stacy was caring for her pony and other ponies and would hover around her Uncle Steve.

The brothers made money from breeding horses, but in order to show how excellent their horses were, they were very active in equestrian events. They often attended the Triple Crown events that their horses raced in just in case they won, and they could have others invest in an Evans' horse. They had only had a couple of horses that won the Kentucky Derby, the Preakness Stakes and the Belmont Stakes. Because the Evans raced thoroughbreds, quarter horses, and other competitive horses, they only had a few horses that were for pleasure riding only. These were older horses, and I was supposed to learn how to ride on one of them.

I remembered that Sam was heavily involved in 4-H, and he had won several competitions when we were in school. I was never horse mad, so I never paid attention to any of his achievements. Although Sam wanted to be the one to teach me how to ride a horse, he and Stevie were so busy traveling to shows, so Mrs. Evans was the one to teach me on her free mornings. We would spend the mornings together, and she gently showed me all the nuances of basic horseback riding. I just wanted to be able to mount a horse with my height it seemed daunting, but if Taylor Marie could do it, I know I could. I used a stool like she did before she became the adept horse rider that she is. I had an old brown mare named Lady Bug who was gentle and not built for speed. I practiced by leading her around the ring and making sure she understood stop. Getting off the horse, I always needed help, and Mrs. Evans made sure she was there to help me get off until I felt comfortable dismounting myself.

Life on the Evans Ranch was one of discovery for me. I learned a lot, and I hate to admit but the only songs that I felt inspired to write were country songs. I think I penned three songs in the first week alone. I didn't know if I would ever have a buyer of the songs, but they were about family, living on the ranch, and sometimes just the beauty of nature. I realized that my country inspiration most likely stemmed from the fact that that was the music that Sam and his brother listened to while they were doing certain jobs on the ranch. I had my iPod, but I couldn't learn while listening to my music, so I left it in my house. I knew Brittany loved her popstars, but her favorite singer of all time was Tanya Tucker. She had converted me into a fan, and we would spend times jamming out on her songs with the girls having dance parties to the lady T's: Tanya, Taylor Swift, Trisha Yearwood (my personal favorite), and Tammy Wynette.

It wasn't until Brittany had a major health setback and was rushed to the hospital that my original purpose for being on the ranch was refreshed in my mind. We were outside watching Taylor Marie prepare for her upcoming events, and one moment everything was fine, and the next moment all I could hear was Stacy shouting "Mama!" I turned around to see Brittany passed out on the ground and nonresponsive. I got my cell phone out and called 911 first and then Mrs. Evans because Sam and Stevie were away at a show in Wisconsin. Mrs. Evans checked her vitals, and because she was breathing and had a heartbeat, she didn't administer CPR. It seemed to take the ambulance forever in arriving, but finally it did.

Mrs. Evans rode in the ambulance with Brittany while I tried to comfort the girls. We went back to their house, and I told them to change their clothes, so we could go visit their mama as soon as the doctors said it was okay for her to have visitors. I called Sam while they were changing, and Stevie was going to stay in Wisconsin, and he was taking the next available flight back to Ohio. He was going to rent a car from the airport and meet us at the hospital. By the time I was finished talking to him, the girls were dressed, and we headed to my vehicle to go to the hospital.

When we got there, Mrs. Evans met us in the waiting room. She told us that Brittany was recovering and that the girls would be able to visit her soon. She distracted them with turning the TV to their favorite show before telling me that Brittany fell out because she had severe anemia. The lack of oxygen in her blood had caused an irregular heartbeat. If she hadn't gotten to the hospital quickly enough, then she could have had heart failure. The doctors were running tests now to see what was the cause of the anemia.

By the time the health care practitioners had finished running the tests and had given Brittany a blood transfusion, she was showing signs of improvements. So, she was able to see visitors two at a time. Mrs. Evans took Taylor Marie to see her first, and then I took Stacy to see her. Our visit was brief because Sam had arrived; and after talking to the doctors, he came in looking like death warmed over. I immediately took Stacy out the room saying that her mommy's room didn't have balloons or a stuffed animal, and as a princess and fairy godmother, it was our job to make sure her mommy had those things, so she could get better faster.

Mrs. Evans and I took the girls to the gift shop located on the first floor of the hospital. Each girl took their job seriously in picking out the right kind of balloons, flowers (from Taylor Maries) and stuffed animal (from Stacy) that would make their mother's room more magical. All of this of course took over an hour. By the time we made it back upstairs, Sam was in the waiting room saying that Brittany was in the room with her parents, and as soon as they came out, then the girls would be able to go in and deliver their gifts with him. I could tell that Sam needed some alone time with his mother. The pallor of his skin, the worry in his expression, and the guilt in his eyes made looking at him a heart wrenching experience for me.

So, I distracted the girls by saying that the gifts would need a magical song, so they could do their job in helping their mother heal quickly. So I quickly wrote a song in the tune of Happy Birthday to You that the girls could memorize and sing to their mother as they decorated her room and gave her the healing unicorn that Stacy had picked out. The song's lyrics were Get better soon/Get better soon/Get better sweet Mommy/Get better soon.

By the time the girls had a chance to visit their mommy again and decorate her room, it was almost dinner time. So, Mrs. Evans rode home with me and the girls. We ate at the girls' favorite restaurant which was Chuck E. Cheese's and watched them play a little before heading back to the ranch. Sam was going to stay the night in the hospital, and even though we offered to get him some food, he said he would get something from the hospital's cafeteria. The girls had worn themselves out at Chuck E. Cheese's, and by the time, we made sure that the two had showered, put the pajamas on, and been read a goodnight story, they were both tuckered out.

The next day, Sam had come home saying that Brittany was getting a lot of rests from the tests. Stevie had called him to make sure that he had checked on Midnight Blue, a mare that was scheduled to be going through heat. If Stevie would have been there, he would have artificially inseminated her with King's Full Ransom's semen, but because Stevie's was taking Sam's place in the business so that Sam could be home for Brittany and the girls, Sam was going to breed her the old-fashioned way. Midnight Blue had already been placed in a separate enclosure because she was temperamental and could cause damage to anyone who approached her from behind. Sam appeared to be shocked when he looked up from leading the stallion in the enclosure to see my face.

I had come out to the farm to hear if there were any news from the hospital concerning Brittany's condition. I followed Sam and heard him talking on the phone to Stevie without him noticing my presence. He looked as if he hadn't gotten any sleep, and when I realize what he was about to do with the stallion and the mare, I turned to leave. Before I could turn around and head back to the golf cart, I heard my name coming from Sam's mouth.

"Mercedes, I think I am going need a little help. If you don't mind distracting Midnight Blue with that wonderful voice of yours while I get King's Full Ransom ready, so I can safely leave the two, I would really appreciate it."

"Sam, I don't know if I have heard of singing to horses, but if it will help you out, I don't mind." I said before asking him which song I should sing.

"Just sing something appropriate. I think King here would appreciate Marvin Gaye, but I think my lady might like something more from a female point of view." Sam said with a smirk on his face.

"How about some Otis Redding, "Try a Little Tenderness"?" I asked thinking if I was that mare, that was what I would want from the big stallion. When Sam approved my selection, I began to sing the song and surprisingly the mare turned to face me and gave me her full attention. I kept singing the song until Sam had gotten out of the enclosure and the two began to mate before our very eyes. Sam, the devil that he could be at times, could see my discomfiture, so he stood behind me caging me in daring me to watch just as he would have done if we were younger versions of ourselves. I pretended to be strong as always and watched until the almost seemingly brutal act was over. Sam urged me to continue to sing as he opened the enclosure to remove the stallion, and I did which seemed to work in keeping Midnight Blue calm.

As soon as he put the stallion in his stall, I went up to him and asked him how Brittany was doing. He told me that she was doing the same, and that he would be headed back to the hospital later on that morning to be with her when the doctor got some of the results of her tests. The look of devilment that had inhabited his face earlier was gone, and the lines from his eyes and the despondency on his features made him look a decade older than he really was. He hadn't taken the time to shave, and it was the first time I had seen whiskers on his face. I reached out to give him a hug, and when he leaned his face down towards me, I could feel his chin whiskers on my forehead.

I had stayed the night at my cabin while Mrs. Evans had stayed with the girls in Sam's and Brittany's home. I was going to stay the night at their house for the rest of the time that Brittany was in the hospital, so that Mrs. Evans could stay in her own home. I didn't stay the previous night because I didn't have clothes, toiletries, etc. I talked with Mrs. Evans after the girls had gone to bed, and we both thought that a sleepover with me would prove to be a good distraction for the girls. I was about to tell Sam this when his cell phone began to rang, and I felt his arms release me from the comforting hug.

"Yes, Stevie, I was able to do it. Midnight Blue obviously loves listening to old rhythm and blues, and she was so distracted from a performance from our resident songbird, that she didn't give me any problems at all." Sam said looking at me with appreciation in his eyes.

"I didn't ask her to help me, do you think I have lost my mind!" Sam said next when I could hear Stevie's concern for my well-being with being around an ornery mare and a horny stallion. Sam continued to be lectured by his brother, and he even made a promise to keep me safe and sound while I was on the ranch. Stevie sounded like my own brother, and this caused me to smile.

When Sam finally got Stevie off the phone, his phone rang again. It was his mother wondering whether or not he had seen me. I had left my phone on the golf cart and hadn't heard it ring with my serenading horses and eavesdropping on phone conversations. He told her that we were both headed that way, so we could join the girls for breakfast.

After breakfast, Sam left for the hospital, and I spent the rest of the day, packing a few days' worth of clothes and other necessary items. The girls and I had planned a Disney marathon with a princess movie followed by a horse related movie for the remainder of the day. We ended up having movie snacks for lunch, and for dinner we all prepared a lasagna that slow cooked in an extra-large Crock-Pot. The girls had zonked out during the last movie, and I was glad that I had made the decision that we took showers and put our jammies on right after dinner. I led the sleeping beauties to their bedroom, and I went to the kitchen to clean up our mess and put away the leftovers.

Part Two

 **Warnings: Drug Use and Sexual Assault if these are triggers, please refrain from reading this part of the chapter. Point of View shifts to omniscient for the majority of Part Two.**

Sam couldn't believe the diagnosis that Brittany had already received. He couldn't believe that his wife had not been in remission as they all hoped and prayed for. Instead the cancer had spread into her blood. Her doctor believed that the melanoma lesion had ulcerated and released melanoma cells into the blood stream without going through the lymph system. This caused Brittany's immune system to attack and then heal the original lesion so the evidence of her lesion was gone, but the cancer was still attacking her body. The chemotherapy and biological therapy had not worked. Her metastatic melanoma was hematogenous. The doctor explained that this is the spread of melanoma cells in the blood stream, which can happen either by a tumor invading blood vessels or secondary to lymph node involvement. Once in her blood stream, the melanoma cells had been able travel to distant sites in the body and deposit. The cancer had spread not only to her lungs but to her brain as well. The doctor said they had to treat the anemia before they could do any aggressive treatment for the other cancers. The saddest part of all of this was that his wife knew exactly what she was diagnosed with and hadn't trusted him to tell him the truth.

Sam tried to be strong during the prognosis, but he felt as once again that his world was turned upside down. He couldn't keep himself from crying when he looked at his wife; he was trying to be so strong, but finally he gave in and broke down from receiving blow after blow. In the beginning, he had faith that Brittany's optimism would help her beat cancer. But seeing how small and vulnerable she was now made him realize that she was not strong enough to endure the biochemotherapy of the past. Sam had gotten up and moved to join his wife on her bed being careful of the needles and equipment attached to her and gently stroked her hair while humming to her.

Hours after the doctor left, Brittany had the conversation with her husband that she had been putting off forever. "Sam, I am sorry for withholding the truth from you and the rest of our family. I knew the truth before I asked Mercedes to come to the ranch." She began trying to be strong to tell her husband the method behind her madness.

"Brittany, you can beat this cancer; we will try any drug or alternative medicinal treatment. We will spare no expense. Our girls are not going to lose their mother."

"Sam, I will fight and undergo all the treatments that you want me to, but we must face the inevitable. I will probably die before the year is over. I have no more weight to lose. I am not as strong as I was when I was initially diagnosed. Don't try to argue with me…" She told him as he tried to interrupt her. "I just had a funny feeling in my gut, and that is why Mercedes is on the ranch. I want you to marry her so that she can be my girls' stepmother. I know no other woman who could make sure my girls become the women that I want them to be."

"Britt, you are speaking out of your head. I can't just marry Mercedes and expect her to be the mother of our children. That is asking too much of her. She deserves to marry for love and have children of her own."

"Listen to me Sam Evans, you have always loved Mercedes. I know this, and you know this. You just never thought you would have a chance with her. I know you love me. Who says we can only love one person at a time? I believe that she was like a fantasy for you that never came true, and I have never felt slighted by this. You have been faithful, loving, and a great father, and I couldn't have asked for a better husband. Just promise me if she agrees to marry you, that you will do this for me."

"Brittany, my feelings for Mercedes were just a crush. Am I still attracted to her? Yes, I won't lie, she is a very beautiful, talented, selfless, and giving woman. She is like you in those aspects. But I haven't seen her in almost twenty years. I will promise you this only if you promise me that you will fight this disease and do your best to not leave me." Sam said with tears falling out his eyes.

"I will fight for you, for my girls, for my parents, for our family, and for our friends. I just have a peace in my heart that I can't explain to you Sam, but I just know that everything will work out like it was meant to, so be strong my brave husband. Be my strength and be there for our girls." Sam promised his wife he would, and he spent the majority of the day in the bed with his wife.

He only got up when the nurses came in to tend to her, and when she encouraged him to go to get some sleep, Sam reluctantly decided to do so. He broke down again as soon as he got into his truck. His sorrow quickly turned to anger when he watched a young couple leaving the hospital with their newborn. He quickly thought back to the times he left the hospital with Brittany and their two daughters. He couldn't help himself from blaming God. "Why?" He asked God. "Why are you making her suffer like this? Why would you take her from me and our girls? Why punish us when we go to church and try to raise our children up in a God fearing home?"

Sam got so mad that he barely made it out of the parking lot of the hospital before heading to the nearest liquor store. He knew better than to drink and drive, so he bought some Wild Turkey Whiskey and brought the bottle to his home and began to drank to numb the pain that his heart was filling. No matter how much he drank, he was unable to take the pain away. So, he came up with the brilliant idea of looking in his wife bedroom for any drugs that she may hidden when she was using after Stacy was born. He tore up their master bedroom until he decided to flipped the mattress, and there taped to the box spring of the mattress somewhere neither he nor the girls would ever find it was a tiny Ziploc bag containing two pills. He didn't care what was in the pills, he just took the two and swallowed it with the remaining dregs of whiskey left in the bottle.

Instead of making him pass out like he desired, the drugs once they entered his bloodstream had the opposite effect. They made him so high that he felt he had supernatural strength and made him feel so good that he could actually feel an erection forming in his pants. He remembered his wife had bought him a blow-up doll, and he decided he would go into the guest bedroom and use it. When he stumbled down to the guest room, he saw that his wife had left a new blow up doll on the bed for him. At first, he regretted telling her about his desire for Mercedes, but now he was grateful. The blow-up doll looked nothing like his wife. The first one she bought looked so eerily like her that it deflated his erection, and he had no desire to have sex with it. But this blow up doll that was lying face down in the bed was shaped just like Mercedes. He could tell that it was petite and curvy, and he wasted no time in getting undress to finally spill his seed after a two year wait.

Mercedes who had trouble sleeping in strange beds on the first night had her earbuds in her ears and had went to sleep listening to music. So, there was no way possible that she could hear Sam when he entered the bedroom. She had taken some melatonin and was knocked out before nine. While she was sleeping, she couldn't help her some from being aroused by her steamy dream. She was dreaming that some man, who she couldn't see his face, was stroking her body with his hands and lifting up her nightgown and removing her panties. She was so in her dream that only when she heard a voice that sounded like Sam Evans saying how realistic she felt when his hands caressed her wet nether regions did she want to wake up from her dream. She had no business dreaming of her friend's husband like that while Britt was in a hospital recovering.

Sam couldn't believe a blow up doll could feel like a flesh and blood woman. He could swear that the doll was wet and ready for him. He figured it was the drugs and spoke his thoughts out loud. But then he knew he was either losing his mind or so blasted that he thought he felt the doll move which caused its rear to rub against his erection. Sam couldn't keep himself from cursing and began to hump himself against the doll's back, so he could feel that same pleasure ripple through his body again.

It was when she heard Sam's cursing that Mercedes realized what had happened. Brittany had told her that Sam had slept in the guest room and that she had brought him a blow-up a doll. Based on the liquor that Mercedes could smell coming off him in waves, she realized that Sam Evans thought he was about to have sex with a sex toy, and Mercedes tried her best to get him from on top of her. Then he started to mount her like the stallion, they saw earlier that day mounting the mare. Mercedes began to act like the mare rearing up to attempt to dislodge him, but he was too strong and too heavy to remove.

"Sam, it's me Mercedes. Please stop!" She begged him ov r and over again. She was hoping he wasn't at the place that he wasn't able to stop, but being a virgin meant she didn't know much about these things. She felt his penis attempting to enter her from behind and wanted to scream her 'no's' and 'please stops' louder, but she was afraid of the girls hearing her and catching their father in the act of rape.

Sam couldn't believe how awesome the blow-up doll felt, but somehow rational thought began to penetrate through his intoxication, and he also began to realize that a sexual toy no matter how advance could try to get free of him. And somehow a voice began to penetrate his drug-induced haze. And the thought that maybe this wasn't a doll, maybe it was Mercedes Jones that he was dry humping and about to commit adultery with hit his brain as he almost fully entered her body. Just the thought of finally having actual sex with her and not fantasizing about those curves made him prematurely ejaculate, and he spilled his seed against her vagina and totally blacked out from the force of an unexpected climax that he hadn't had in years.

Mercedes was too afraid to move. She didn't want to wake Sam up. She felt so dirty and impure. She couldn't keep the tears from falling down her face as she realized what must have happened. Although she hated what he had done to her, she hated herself more. How could she look those girls in the face knowing what their daddy had just done to her. He had to have heard her voice and realized that she wasn't some sex toy, but he still had gotten off on her body. She could never look Brittany in the eye, Mrs. Evans in the eye, nor even Stevie in the eye again without feeling guilty. She sighed in relief when she felt his body roll off of her and onto the other side of the bed. She quickly gathered her underwear and all her items that she had brought into the Evans' home and left in the middle of the night. She was well past being rational as she drove not to her parents' home but all the way to her house with no intentions of heading back to Lima.

Sam woke up the next morning in his bed in the guest room with the worst hangover of his life. He could barely remember driving home as he made himself move into the bathroom. As he relieved himself he could smell a feminine scent in the bathroom that he wasn't used to smelling. He got in the shower hoping the hot water would defog his brain. He remembered Brittany's prognosis, buying and drinking the whiskey, destroying the bedroom, and…. his thoughts were interrupted with sounds of knocking on the bathroom door that sent waves of pain echoing through his head. "Miss Cedes, Miss Cedes, are you ready to cook breakfast?" He could hear his young daughter ask.

He had to stop the knocking and screaming, so he got out of the shower, put a towel around his waist, and opened the door gently so that his girls wouldn't fall inside the bathroom. When they saw his face, he could see their disappointment. "Where is Miss Cedes?" Taylor Marie was the first to ask.

Sam didn't know how to answer her. Then he thought of the smell emanating from the bathroom earlier. The smell was Mercedes' smell. What had he done? He questioned himself thinking back to rest of his nightly activities made his head hurt more.

"Daddy where is Miss Cedes?" Stacy asked as she came into the bathroom and noticed her favorite person in the world missing.

Sam had to think quickly on his feet which was a feat considering how his stomach felt as if it needed emptying at that very moment. "When I came home early last night because your mother wanted me to come home to get some sleep, I told her there was no reason for her to stay over, so she is at the cabin." I said before telling them I had to hurry to get ready to take care of the horses before going to see their mother again today. I told them they needed to shower and get ready if they wanted to eat breakfast with mommy.

This caused his daughters to leave the bathroom in the nick of time before Sam began spewing his guts in the toilet. He knew something bad had happened between him and Mercedes. Maybe he didn't want her to marry him in case his wife died. Maybe he didn't want her to be his daughters' new mother, and maybe he kicked her out of his house. He didn't know what he did, but his gut told him he had done something unforgivable. He probably even told her it should be her suffering with cancer instead of Brittany. She didn't have kids or a husband to leave behind. He hoped and prayed he hadn't done something so horribly that she left in a fit of rage during the middle of the night. Maybe it was just his being drunk and drugged out of his mind that made her leave. Maybe he hadn't done anything, but a thought festered into the back of his mind that he had done her a great injustice.

Sam had to use one of his old hangover solutions of drinking pickle juice and coconut water to help him battle his hangover. He looked horribly and no shower and change of clothes could alter his appearance. As they trio headed to the hospital, Sam noticed that Mercedes' vehicle was not at the cabin, and when he texted his mother to know if she knew were Mercedes was, she was as clueless as Sam. Sam tried calling Mercedes, but she wouldn't answer his or his mother's calls. Sam knew he had screwed up majorly, but he was smart enough to keep this fact from the ladies of his life. He knew they would hurt him if he had hurt Mercedes, and if Stevie found out, he might attempt to kill Sam in Mercedes' honor.

Stevie was back on the ranch and could handle everything, so he decided to spend a day at the hospital with his girls. That way if Mercedes returned to the cabin she wouldn't have to see his face. Sam wished he could remember what he had done, so he could apologize. Being drunk and drugged were no excuse for his behavior. He had to find Mercedes and make things right. He would beg and plead with her to obtain her forgiveness. If only he could remember. Every time he forced himself to try to recall what happened when the pills took effect, he would feel ill and couldn't recall a single thing. It was a mystery that only Mercedes could solve.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

( **Return to 1** **st** **person narrative/Triggers: Recovery from assault. Talks of attempted suicide. I know you probably hate me, but beauty will come from ashes. Just hang in there for the ending. I own nothing related to Glee.** )

I don't remember driving home that night, but I do remember longing for my Jacuzzi tub in my bathroom. My first memory is waking up in the tub that was only filled to my chest and hoping that everything that had happened this summer was a dream. Upon waking up, taking a hot shower, then drying off, and putting back on my nightgown that was on the floor and feeling sick on my stomach that I could recall Sam Evans' hands on my body, on my nightgown, and on my underwear. I felt dirtied again and quickly removed the offensive garment, threw it and the panties that were balled up inside my purse into the trash can. I could never put any of those items of clothing on again with that memory of being so powerless, vulnerable, and scared again. I couldn't keep myself from talking another hot shower again and scrubbing my hands until they felt raw. I began to cry again after remembering the events of the previous night and stayed in the shower until the water went ice cold. I had forgotten I had turned off the hot water heater when I left my home. I was about to freeze from the intensity of the cold water, so I made myself get off of the shower fromsheer force of will.

This time I dried off, and I put on my clothes that I was used to wearing, not the clothes I had purchased for ranch life. I felt like my old self as I curled up into my bed and placed my earbuds back into my ears and listen to music to escape the maelstrom of my feelings. While the music was playing, I could not help but to get mad at God for the first time in my life. What had I done to deserve this? I thought I was doing His will. If God loved me, then why would He let me be violated in such a way that could only cause grief to all of those involved. I know that he never fully entered my body taking away my maidenhead, but he still forced himself on me and tried to enter my body against my will. I know that Sam was drunk and out of his mind. What man wouldn't be with his wife in the hospital again? But still no matter what I couldn't figure out why this had to happened.

After blaming God did nothing to ease my ravaged soul, I began to do the worst thing ever, blame myself. If only I had gone on the family reunion cruise with my family, if only I had agreed to housesit this week for my parents, if only I had brought the girls to my house for a sleepover, if only if I had asked Mrs. Evans where she had slept the night before. The ifs began to magnify in my mind taking a life of their own. If only I had not taken the melatonin, if only I had not slept with the earbuds in my ears, if only I had reached for his hand and bitten him and done something to cause him to realize I wasn't a doll early on. My mind was a literal battlefield. I was killing my spirit with the most painful thoughts and recriminations until I had reached a new low from blaming God to blaming myself.

I couldn't eat nor sleep, so I spent the entire day in my bed caught up in the most dangerous place, my head. I went over everything that had happened that summer leading up to last night. I felt doubly embarrassed when I remembered how sexually excited I got from the dream. I know that my moisture probably allowed Sam to think that my body was receptive to his possession. That dream was not a dream as I had thought but was reality. I felt extreme waves of guilt of flood my psyche. I couldn't handle the thought that I could have somehow encouraged Sam's sexual aggression towards me. I had to get up and turn my hot water back on. I headed back to the showers and stayed inside until the water heated up, and I had used all the hot water again.

I made myself crawl nakedly into the bed after drying off. For the first time in my life, I despised my curves. Remembering how it had felt when I woke up and realized it was Sam Evans touching me sexually made me sick on my stomach. I was so grateful that I had fallen asleep on my tummy and not on my side as I usually did because he couldn't touch the front side of my body. But I was known for my big butt, and I took pride in the fact that I might not look like a beauty queen, but at least my behind drew male appreciative glances. Something I used to take pride in was now stripped from me. I hated the size and shape of my butt and wished that I was flat as a pancake.

It wasn't until the next morning that I grew brave enough to check my phone. I knew my family was away, but something could have happened to Brittany, and even though I was the world's worst friend, I owed it to her to check on her and the girls. I regretted picking up my phone as soon as I saw all the voice mail messages and texts from Sam Evans. Seeing his name put me in a tailspin, and I couldn't be bothered with checking the other messages that had been left by Mrs. Evans. I decided to take a bath because my repeated showering had cost me to develop the driest, ashiest, and most unattractive skin ever. It was during my bath that I heard my doorbell ring. I dried off quickly, put on my robe, and went to the door thinking somebody must have seen the light from my bedroom which signaled that I had returned home.

The person at my door was Mrs. Evans. She looked worried and harassed, so I opened the door to let her in. I could feel her eyes on me looking at my haggard appearance, and I know she had too much stress going on in her own life to have to deal with a psycho pseudo daughter.

"Mercedes, Sam, the girls, and I have been worried sick about you. Are you okay? I have even called the cops thinking something bad had happened to you. I got the directions to your house from Sam because we wanted to make sure that you were here and okay. But obviously something is very wrong. Tell me what has got you so devastated."

I couldn't think that quickly on my feet to come up with a plausible lie, so I just sank onto the floor and began to cry. When she mentioned Sam's name, an illness rose up in me and worry that he knew where I stayed. What if he got drunk and crazed again and tried to find me? I no longer felt safe in my own home.

Mrs. Evans could not do anything but kneel down and bring me into her arms and rock me. The feeling of someone who cares about you enough to wipe your snot and tears away with her own bare hands made me cry even harder. She finally got up and explored my home to bring me some tissues after washing her hands. She helped me up and led me to the great room which was the wrong decision. I remembered Sam and his family in this room, and it made me even more disturbed. Mrs. Evans sensing that I was worse in the room followed me as I headed to the one place that I felt was my sanctuary, my bedroom. I stumbled onto my bed, and Mrs. Evans removed the chair from my desk and pushed it close to the bed beside me.

"Mercedes, something terrible has happened to you. I need you to talk to me. Have you called the cops?" She asked looking at me with a pained expression in her eyes.

I shook my head no and refused to meet her eyes afraid that the truth would show on my face.

"Honey, someone has hurt you, and you have got to turn that person in. Do you want that same person hurting someone else?"

I shook my head no again and kept my head down. How could I tell her that her son drunkenly sexually assaulted me while I was asleep and would have done more to me if he hadn't blacked out on top of me.

"Did this happen on the ranch? Did one of the ranch hands touch you inappropriately or threaten you?"

I shook my head no again still unable to talk or admit the truth. At the time I thought I would never tell a soul what had happened. I was not going to press charges. It was obviously one huge mistake that I wanted to forget, and if I told Mrs. Evans, she would have to carry the heavy burden of knowing the truth. I just couldn't do it.

"Brittany and the girls have been asking about you. Sam told them that you were sick with strep and didn't want the girls to get it. He also lied and told Brittany that was the reason you couldn't visit or answer calls. The strep causing you to have laryngitis. We have been pretending to receive texts from you to coddle her and the girls."

I felt bile rise up in my throat in having Mrs. Evans lie for me, but there was no way that I was physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually ready to be around the Evans' family at this time. I would send Brittany and the girls flowers and edible arrangements later that day, but at the present time, I only wanted Mrs. Evans to leave my sanctuary, so I could practice denial. I could pretend that none of this had happened.

"Mercedes, I have the utmost respect for your mother, and I know if she had found any of my children as I have found you today, she would try to help them as much as she could. Most importantly, I also love you as my own flesh and blood. I thought we were close enough to each other that you knew that you could trust me. So, I am not leaving here until you tell me what you can, so I know that you will be okay."

I turned my face from her and pretended to go to sleep because there was no way on earth that I was going to tell her that her son was a rapist. I listened to her call Sam and overhearing their conversation made me inconsolable. She was answering his questions, and I could tell from her answers that he was worried about me. He wanted his mother to take me to the nearest hospital. Mrs. Evans could see that there was nothing physically bothering me, so she refused and told him that she was going to spend the night at my house and would call him if there were any changes in my behavior. She asked how Brittany and the girls were doing before ending their conversation.

I felt extremely bad about hogging Mrs. Evans' attention when her family needed her at home. I decided that I was going to force myself to exist by living in denial, so she would be convinced to go home where she belonged. I didn't care that the girls were spending the night with Brittany's family while Sam stayed at the hospital with his wife. All I know was that Mrs. Evans needed to go, and if I had to act like I was on the Broadway stage to convince her to leave, then I would. It was just a bad dream I kept saying inside of my head to force the crying to stop and to face Mrs. Evans.

"Mrs. Evans," I barely croaked out without using my voice and the strain and drainage from crying I really sounded as if I had laryngitis. "I am okay… I promise you that what I am going through right now is just an extreme reaction to the fact that I may lose Brittany. I have been crying for your whole family, especially those two girls who have wormed themselves into my heart. You all have had years to deal with this, and I have had weeks. It all just hit me and became real. I had a bad dream about Brittany dying, and I woke up believing it was real. I just need some time to myself, so I can process all of this, and I promise that I will be okay." It took me over ten minutes to say every word and to try to look like I meant it.

"I always knew you had an empathetic heart. You feel so strongly. You are right. We all have been through this before, but you have never had anyone sick in your family with a terminal disease. That most have been some doozy of a dream. Well, I am going to fix you some can soup, and then after I have seen you eat it, then I may be convinced to go home. We can't have you around Brittany and the girls feeling like this. So, we will continue the ruse of you having strep. I am thinking the girls can stay with their grandparents for the rest of the week, so there is no reason for you to be at the ranch with Brittany in the hospital. She is going to be in the hospital until her blood is built back up, and they can try to kill the cancer that has spread to her lungs and to her brain. We are praying God's will, and I know you will be praying, too." She said as she went to go fix the soup.

I would have been okay if she would have left then, but then she went on and explained how awful Sam looked. She explained how the news of the spread of the cancer had caused him to have a melt down and how he had shown up at the hospital looking like he was hungover. I didn't want to hear anything more about Sam and Brittany Evans. I didn't want to feel sorry for him or rationalize his behavior towards me. I know at one point during that night, that he knew it was me and not the doll, but he hadn't stopped. If he had stopped, then I could absolve him of his actions, but he hadn't stopped. He blacked out, and even though I was grateful that he blacked out, he still had violated me and my right to choose who I let touch me in that manner. I now knew how his penis felt trying to enter my vagina, and those thoughts would be forever in my head. His semen had been on me for hours. It was the main reason that I continued to bathe and shower as much as I had. I didn't want the memory of his seed on my skin to be implanted in my brain.

I ate the soup and got up and followed Mrs. Evans to the door. I immediately went to the bathroom and allowed the vile concoction to come right back up and spewed it into the toilet before taking my last shower, I promised myself. I got out of the shower and lubricated my tender and damaged skin. I then got back into my bed and took some melatonin and went to sleep after ordering the arrangements. When I woke up, I sent Brittany a text apologizing for my ill health blaming it on all the trees on the ranch causing me to have a sinus infection that drained to my throat causing strep. I told her that I loved her and was praying for her recovery.

The week sped by and I chose to continue to still live in a world of denial. I didn't call Sam or try to have any interaction with him. I called Mrs. Evans for updates on Brittany's condition. I texted Brittany constantly, and that was the way we communicated until I was 'strep' free. Fortunately for me, Sam and Stevie went out of state to another horse show, and I was able to come back to the Evans' ranch when the girls came back from their week with their grandparents. I took care of the girls with Mrs. Evans forcing myself to eat and pretending that nothing had happened the last time I was on the ranch.

It wasn't until I heard Sam's voice and his fist knocking on my cabin's door the following Monday that I began to have flashbacks and fear surrounded me. I was frozen with fear and when I heard his keys unlock the door to the cabin, I rushed into the tiny bathroom and locked myself inside. "Mercedes!" I could hear him calling my name over and over again and I shrank to the floor in silent tears. I only got up when I heard him leave the cabin and locking the door.

As soon as he left, I began packing my belongings. I couldn't stay there anymore. I didn't feel safe.

Irrationally, I sneaked out of the back window of the cabin and looked around to make sure nobody could witness me packing up the place. I only packed my clothes into a sheet, and I gathered my toiletries, technology, pots, and pans. I left the food and the cooler that I had sent ahead of me knowing it would take too much time and I didn't have room for those items in my SUV. I got in my automobile and this time headed to my parents' house who were back from their cruise. I sent a text to Mrs. Evans explaining that my parents and nephews were back, and I had promised to spend the day with them. I texted Brittany the same message, and I broke every speed record in Lima, Ohio getting to my parents' home. I left everything but my purse in the SUV as I ran to my mother and felt her arms surround me. I made sure we were alone before I opened the floodgates and began to make us both wet with my copious tears.

Even though I hadn't planned on telling anyone, Sam's appearance in the cabin had finally broken me to the point that I had to tell my mother everything. I couldn't hold back the truth from her even if I wanted to. She rocked me in her arms like I was a baby, and she sang to me the songs she sang when I was a little girl. One song was "Que Sera". We used to perform it as a duet around the house when I got older. The one thing I needed was to unload to a person and share all of my feelings, and my mother was the one person I trusted with all the things that were ravaging my mind. Although I had been in denial, I still had conflicting dreams about that night. Some nights I dreamed that Sam didn't stop and continued to rape me, and some nights I dreamed that I turned over and allowed Sam to have his way with me. Those latter dreams were the most disturbing. I woke up hating myself more than I hated him for getting drunk in the first place.

After my mom finished coddling me, she reminded me that it was her month to babysit and that the boys would be there soon. We went outside to unload my car because we knew it was impossible for me to be able to sleep at the Evans Ranch after the morning that I had had. She gave me profound words of wisdom and even shared when a family member had gotten high when she was a little girl and had gotten in bed with her and attempted to molest her. She outwitted him, but he had touched her inappropriately, and she could sympathize with how I felt even if she was not fully abused as I was. I allowed my mom to wash and condition my damaged hair, and she gave me the two braids I often wore as a child. I needed to feel like a protected child again, and this feeling stayed with me as my nephews came over, and I spent quality time with my own family.

My mom decided that I wasn't in any condition to return to my old home. She worked out a way that I could bring the girls over to my childhood home the following days of the month, so I got to spend time with my nephews, too. We even had the swim party at my house minus the Evans adults. My mom helped me supervise the four children. We all had a fun time, and none of the kids wanted to leave my house, so I was able to get permission to allow them to have a sleepover in the pool house. Mrs. Evans seemed to understand that the girls and I needed a change of scenery, and she gave me all the permission I needed because we didn't bother telling Brittany anything. Sam spent the majority of his time at the hospital, with the horses, and on the road, so it became easier and easier to avoid him for the rest of the summer.

When Brittany was finally released I knew I was going to have to see Sam, but I brought my mom with me to strengthen me. I was not a victim but a victor. I had turned to more prayer and desiring more of God because my mother convinced me that it was faith in a higher power that would stabilize me and my moods. She led me through a Bible Study that was designed for women who had been abused. I read a lot of books by Joyce Meyers. She was molested by her own father, and as an adult was finally able to forgive him not for him but for herself. I needed all the encouragement I could get, and my healing did not come swiftly; it was a slow process. I talked to a counselor one on one for more than a couple of sessions and even attended a support group meeting, so I could deal with all the guilt, fear, and self-loathing that I was feeling. One of the things that helped me the most was going to group sessions. In one group session a pre-teen was there because she had attempted suicide and was court-ordered to attend group therapy sessions. Her grandfather had molested her. She was in recovery, but her own mother forced her to attend his birthday party. As soon as she got home, she took an entire bottle of pills. Listening to her story made me realize just how I could have been her. If it wasn't for my mother, the thoughts of guilt, the dreams, and being around my attacker could have made me feel that I was better off dead. When that session ended, we all promised to contact each other if we ever felt that we would rather end it all than deal with the pain.

I had good days and bad days. Rape Trauma is not something that you can just get over by thinking positive thoughts. The most important thing that I got out of all my counseling and self-help books was that I could not blame myself for the actions of another. And the most important step that I was trying to get to was the Resolution Phase when the assault is no longer the central focus of my life. While I may recognize that I would never forget the assault, the pain and negative outcomes lessen over time. My counselor told me that I would begin to accept the rape as part of my life and choose to move on. I was attempting to do so by being able to accept what happened to me didn't shape my destiny. I could still be the woman that I wanted to be. I had the power to change myself and be an overcomer.

Still no matter how much praying I did, I was unable to look Sam Evans in the eye or be in the same room with him for more than a minute. I could feel his eyes following me whenever I left a room we were in at the same time. He had lost weight and was looking lost and helpless, but I didn't care or have any sympathy for the devil. I immersed myself in making Brittany smile and grin again. Because of the intense therapy that Brittany was undertaking, I didn't see her much the remainder of the summer. I took the time to write down all the good things that happened daily instead of meditating on the negative things. Whenever I had a dream that disturbed me, I would pray and read the Bible verses that were full of God's promises to believers.

Before I knew it, the summer was almost officially over, and I was getting ready to look forward to the new school year and living in my own home again when I made a devastating discovery. All of my medical appointments (dentist, yearly physical, optometrist) were scheduled before beginning school. When my doctor asked me when was my last cycle, I couldn't remember the date of my last menstruation. I thought that is was the end of May right before school got out, but I couldn't be sure. So, they tested me for pregnancy even though I was sure it was from the stress causing me to lose weight and keeping my appetite smaller than normal. Because it was a blood test, the doctor told me that he would call me with the results as soon as they were in. This usually took two to three days. Since I was sure, I wasn't pregnant, I didn't care. A technical virgin being pregnant, I joked to myself as I headed home.

I was totally surprised when I got a call during pre-planning at my school from my doctor personally. He had the results of my test, and he told me I was pregnant. I couldn't believe it. I told him the test had to be wrong that they needed to recheck the blood one more time. Surely I would have morning sickness, food aversion, or some or other symptoms of pregnancy. And I told him that I had not had sex with anyone in my entire life. He suggested that I come and have an ultrasound done as well as a urine test in case something was giving me a false positive. He joked that I wouldn't be the first virgin to become pregnant. I told him I was definitely not the Virgin Mary, and that is when he told me there were other documented cases of virgins becoming pregnant from heavy petting with their boyfriends. He reminded me that sperm were hearty swimmers and if I had been fertile at the time, then it was a chance that I could be pregnant if my boyfriend had ejaculated near my unclothed vagina.

I told him that I didn't have a boyfriend but was sexually assaulted but was not fully penetration when my attacker prematurely ejaculated on top of me. He told me that it was possible that the wetness from my vagina assisted the sperm into traveling inside and fertilizing one of my eggs. This was all it took to bring back the depression that I had just recovered from. He made an emergency appointment for me to come to see me as soon as I got off of work. The rest of the work day was useless to me. I was glad that it was filled with meetings, and all I had to do was sit there. That was all I was capable of doing. After going through the mandatory code of ethics meeting at my job, we were dismissed, and I called my doctor as I immediately headed to his office.

Once inside the doctor's office, I prepared myself for the worst case scenario. I was like a robot obeying commands without giving little to any thought behind my actions. I peed in the cup, and took the urine pregnancy test while I laid down on the bed and readied myself for an ultrasound if the results came back by positive. I so wanted to call my mother, but I didn't want to upset her for no reason at all, and besides what could my mom do. I was either pregnant by Sam Evans or not. And based on science alone, I was almost positive that I had received a false positive. When the timer went off and the nurse saw the results of my tests, she documented them in my chart and went to notify the doctor. I wanted to get up and look at the results myself, but a part of me was scared that if I wasn't pregnant that I could have a tumor or cancer instead.

 **A/N: The dreaded cliff hanger. Don't worry you will not have to wait long for the next chapter. This chapter is actually two combined because I got so depressed from writing it and including real experiences that I had to emotionally detach myself and sum up things that could have been several paragraphs and/or chapters. I am going to list the stages of Rape Trauma that Mercedes experienced and is still experiencing if you or someone you know is going through this, please encourage them to get help. Anti-depressants make sexual assault victims vulnerable to suicidal thoughts and/or actions. So they need support systems to just be there.**

 **Rape Trauma: a common reaction to rape or sexual assault. It is a normal human reaction to an unnatural or extreme event. There are three phases to rape trauma:**

 **Acute Phase: occurs immediately after the assault and usually lasts a few days to several weeks. In this phase, you can have many reactions but they typically fall into three different categories:**

 **Expressed: when you are openly emotional**

 **Controlled: when you appear to be without emotion, and act as if "nothing happened" and "everything is fine"**

 **Shocked disbelief: when you react with a strong sense of disorientation**

 **Outward Adjustment Phase: resume what appears to be your "normal" life, but inside you are still suffering from considerable turmoil. This phase has five primary coping techniques:**

 **Minimization: pretending that everything is fine or convincing yourself that "it could have been worse"**

 **Dramatization: you cannot stop talking about the assault and it dominates your life and identity**

 **Suppression: you refuse to discuss the event and act as if it did not happen**

 **Explanation: you analyze what happened, what you did and what the rapist was thinking/feeling**

 **Flight: you try to escape the pain (moving, changing jobs, changing appearance, changing relationships, etc.)**

 **Resolution Phase: the assault is no longer the central focus of your life. While you may recognize that you will never forget the assault, the pain and negative outcomes lessen over time. Often you will begin to accept the rape as part of your life and choose to move on.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Yep some of you probably are thinking, I am warped, but this story is about the ugliness and beauty in life. Hurting anyone with words, violence, or cyber-bullying produces ashes, but beauty is about to come to Mercedes because she deserves something after hitting the lowest point in her life. As always I own nothing but this story of hope and finding the beauty in life.**

Chapter Seven

When the doctor came in what felt like a thousand hours later but had actually been minutes, I used all the strength I had to look him in his eyes. "All of your tests came back positive, so I am going to give you a first semester ultrasound which is performed within the first three months of pregnancy and is used to check that to see if the embryo is developing inside the womb rather than inside a fallopian tube, confirm the number of embryos, and calculate the gestational age and the baby's due date." Upon hearing the news, I can't tell you what I felt because words can't describe the feelings, I went from hot to cold to just plain disbelief. I just sat up listening to him as if he was talking a foreign language until I felt my blood pressure rise when he said confirm the number of embryos. This quickly broke me out of my daze. Surely if I had to be pregnant, no God would be cruel enough to give me more than one child. I thought aloud causing the doctor to smile.

"Well there is no history of multiples in your family, and we don't know the history of your donor sperm. We will refer to him as only donor sperm. You don't have to keep the baby; there are other options." He said gently looking at me. He knew that I knew that I could always choose abortion or adoption if I didn't want to keep the baby.

As soon as the cold gel was wiped against my tummy, I felt so nervous, and the thought that this was only a nightmare quickly left my consciousness. After a few minutes, all I could see was a grainy image on the screen. Then the doctor described the space as my uterus and the black circle in the middle of my uterus was the amniotic fluid containing my baby. I could no longer live in the self-protecting denial cocoon that I had temporarily enveloped myself in. I was pregnant with a little bean-shaped being inside of me. The doctor showed me the head, the body, the heartbeat, the arm buds, and a developing foot. The doctor then did a measurement. Verifying that I was around nine weeks, and the doctor did a quick look of the sac before looking at the leg buds and the body and then the arms, and the baby began moving.

Up until this point, although I knew I wouldn't get an abortion,I didn't think I could love and raise a child that was a consequence of a rape. I thought that it would be unfair because if the child looked like the rapist, how could you love and care for the baby? However, I knew once I saw my baby move, that there was no giving her or him up for adoption. The baby was innocent and not a reflection of his or her conception, and if I could just keep that in my mind, I could separate my thoughts of his or her donor sperm from the life that was now in my womb. What further cemented my decision was thoughts on how I was able to love Stacy and Taylor Marie. I loved them despite the actions of their father, surely in the next seven months, I would be able to love my own child as well. I rationalized trying to talk myself into believing that I could do this.

I was barely listening to the doctor because I was so caught up in my thoughts when he interrupted them by telling me I could listen to the heartbeat. While I was hearing the heartbeats, tears kept rolling down my face thinking how something that was so evil and devastating could result in something so awe-inspiring. I truly had been content with the thought that I would never be a mother. I didn't have to have a baby to feel complete. However, I was able to appreciate the wonder that first time mothers experienced when they saw and heard their unborn child for the first time. While the doctor was telling me of my expected delivery date, I knew he was about right because I knew the date of conception was June 28th, and it being August 29th meant that I was exactly eight weeks and six days which was what the ultrasound had revealed.

Dr. Jordan looked at my cervix and my ovary and could tell that I ovulated from the right side. Everything looked fine and when the doctor moved it back to the baby, the baby was still moving. The doctor said that this was a little advance because most babies didn't move until after the ninth week of pregnancy. I couldn't stop the tears from starting back again as I looked at my baby while the doctor took pictures of the ultrasound that I could take home. After being prescribed prenatal vitamins, given a diet that I was required to follow since I was losing weight without morning sickness, and a date for my next appointment, I was able to go home to try digest all the news I had been given.

Crazy thoughts bombarded my mind as I began to drive home. Doubts about the decision to keep my baby plagued me once I thought how difficult my situation really was. I knew without a doubt that I didn't want the Evans family to know anything about my pregnancy. Seeing Sam would only cause my blood pressure to rise and how could I be around Mrs. Evans carrying her grandchild? How could I be around my friend carrying the child of her husband? And how could I be around the girls when I was carrying their sibling? I just couldn't do it. Even though it was no fault of my own that I was pregnant, I refused to deal with the additional stress that even thinking about them was causing me. However, I knew I couldn't hide the fact that I was pregnant from my mother. She would be able to tell when I hit the fifth month of pregnancy which would be when I had my third ultrasound scheduled in twelve weeks.

I knew I had to talked to someone, but I decided against calling my mom, so I kept driving until I reached Lima and was happy to find her pottering around outside in her garden. I knew that dad hated coming out there because she would always put him to work. He would complain that a dentist's hands were works of art that hard manual labor would ruin if he lowered himself into weeding and tilling the earth. We both knew it wasn't the work but his allergies that kept him indoors as much as possible. I had the pictures of the ultrasound in my purse, and they were burning a hole through the leather into my thigh.

"Mercedes, what a surprise, was I supposed to be expecting you for dinner?" Her mom asked looking at her daughter questioningly.

"Mom I am going to need you to sit down on the swing with me." I said as I walked toward the yard swing under my favorite elm tree. My mom wiped off her hands and followed me.

"Now what has you out here on a school night young lady? Don't you know that you need proper rest?"

"I know mom, but I had my annual gynecological visit today for my check-up." I began not knowing where to start.

"Okay, Mercedes you are scaring me. If it's bad news, just give it to me quick and in a hurry."

"Mom calm down. At first I thought it was bad news until I saw these," I said as I pulled out the pictures from my purse. I could tell my mother knew what they were when the tears began to fall from her eyes.

"My baby is having a baby. I can't believe this. Did you get artificially inseminated without telling us?" My mom asked me not believing what she was seeing.

"Well, we are going to tell people that I was inseminated leaving out the artificial. My doctor refers to it as my donor sperm, and for my peace of mind, I have to think of it as donor sperm as well." I explained.

"Mercedes, you told me that boy didn't fully penetrate you. Were you lying to me Mercedes Joy DuBois Jones?" My mother asked me looking like a bear robbed her of her cubs.

"No, mom I promise you that only the head of his penis came into my vagina before he ejaculated and blacked out. I was not lying to you. But apparently I am one of the most fertile women in the world, and that was all it took for me to get pregnant at the wrong time of my cycle." I explained trying to calm my mother down.

"You just told me hadn't penetrated you all the way. I didn't want to think on the details of what you went through, but baby if you are able to forgive him and move on, then I will try to, too. Besides, you don't need a baby daddy. Your daddy and brother are enough testosterone for any child to have in his or her life."

"So, you promise not to tell daddy and EJ anything about the father?" I asked wanting to make sure that they never knew the truth. I knew how protective they were of me, and I think that they would kill Sam, and the Evans family had too much going on, and they didn't need a murder to add to it.

"I am just as smart as you Mercedes Jones. I know that your daddy would kill Sam, and that might kill him. I am not ready to be a widow or have my only son who is a father of two boys locked up in jail for manslaughter. We will say you are inseminated and don't feel comfortable talking about it."

"Thanks, mom. I also want to wait until I am at least out of the first trimester before telling anyone besides you. I don't even feel pregnant. I haven't been sick nor have I had weird cravings that I thought pregnant women were known for. Plus, you know I haven't been eating right and protein and folic acid are a must in my diet if I want a healthy baby. I just want to make sure that I am well into the pregnancy before announcing it to anyone."

"We are going to pray every day for the health of our little bundle of joy. So, don't you worry bout a thing. Women in poverty stricken countries have given birth to healthy babies more often than not. My grandchild is going to thrive. I am going to fix you a big container of spaghetti to take home with you. I will make it with spinach and ground turkey and whole grain pasta fortified in folic acid. You can take the leftovers to work for your lunch tomorrow. How does that sound?" My mom asks as she looked at the pictures one more time with a smile beaming across her face.

"Sounds delicious mommy," I said as I followed her inside the house to see that daddy had fallen asleep in front of the television. I didn't bother waking him up knowing that he probably needed the rest, and I didn't feel up to keeping a secret from him.

After I had helped my mom with the preparation of dinner, I sat down with her and dad and enjoyed the meal. Dad asked me whether or not I was missing staying at home, and I pretended to just to stroke his ego. When mom had my usual bag of leftovers in front of me, I got up from the table and used the bathroom before getting ready to head back home. After hugging and kissing my parents' goodnight, I headed home texting Brittany to make sure she was okay and giving my love to the girls. I felt guilty for living a double life, but I knew it was something that I had to do.

A few days later and I was once again in Lima for the Labor Day cookout that my parents always had. This year my dad had went behind my mom's back and invited the Evans family. I had to pretend to be excited to see them. I was shocked that Stevie and his family had actually come out, and the kids delighted in having other kids to play with. Sam did not leaving Brittany's side, so I choice to lead the children in games.

I continued to avoid Sam as I usually did and was happy when Brittany had left his side to come sit with the women while the men tended to the grill. I left the children and got a chance to catch up with her and tried to ignore the fact that my best friend was losing her battle with cancer. When the food was ready, we sat down to eat, and I made sure to sit next to Stacy and my nephew Drew at the dinner table. Taylor Marie sat by Meggie who sat by her mom, and I faced my brother, his wife, and their son. Mom had Brittany sit by her and Mrs. Oliver at the front of the table with Sam on her other side. I was seated at the far end of the table, and I was happy that I didn't have to see his face while I ate my grilled chicken and pasta salad.

Before the Evans' family had left, I had promised Mrs. Evans, Brittany, and Stacy that I would attend one of Taylor Marie's horse shows. The next one was on September the 17th, and I told them that I was not going to miss it. This event was in Lima, so I wouldn't have to worry about carpooling with them to some out of town event. I would be quite busy with my school's show choirs to have the energy to pretend to be happy during a car ride to some remote event. Brittany explained that Sam would be down in the arena with Taylor Marie helping her with loading and unloading the horse and getting her ready for the horse show. I was relieved to know that I wouldn't have to spend any extra time in his presence. I could feel his eyes on me the whole day at the cookout. It was emotionally draining ignoring him knowing that he needed a friend just as his wife did, but he had made his bed, and I refused to feel compassion for the man who had almost ruined my life.

I knew that once I began to show that I could use the excuse of show choir and shows to explain my absences. The Evans knew that they would only see me briefly on Sundays now that school was beginning tomorrow. I reminded Brittany that we had to talk every day, and those days that we were too tired to talk, we promised to text each other. This annual cookout was the end of the children's summer vacation. Although I had been back to work for pre-planning, I also felt sadness at the thought of returning to school already missing the extra time I got to spend with my now extended family.

I realized that it was going to take some crafty maneuvering to keep my child's paternity a secret, but I knew how fast gossip spread in Lima, Ohio, and I was sure that the Evans will have heard about me being artificially inseminated because I was old maid and wanted a baby of my own. They would wonder why I hadn't told them, but I didn't care about their thoughts and feelings. I only cared for the well-being of my child and myself.

The school year at Findlay High started off better than I expected. I was busy the first week of school auditioning ninth graders. By the time auditions were over, I had selected 25 out of the 86 students who had auditioned. Some of the students were tone deaf, others were mediocre, and just a few had the talent that was needed in to be in a show choir. Being in a show choir required rhythm. And many of the singers could not dance and learn the rudimentary steps of a simple routine. So, only a third of them were accepted, and I promised the others if they worked hard with a vocal coach and a dance instructor that I would be willing to audition them again at the beginning of the next semester to be a part of VIP.

Of course the divas ignored me and went off in a huff, and those who were mediocre but determined listened to my words and heeded them. Show choir was not girl's solo. And I could well do without diva personalities and song hogs. When I used to watch the Lakers with my family, I would call Kobe Bryant a ball hog, and was upset to find out when I worked in show choirs that some of the same personalities were involved in the arts. I was all for stars who had the potential to become great on the stage or as recording artist, but I needed humility in all my singers.

Not many singers were Celine Dion, Whitney Houston, and Mariah Carey. These three ladies could probably sing every genre and not falter. Neither were these singers gifted as dancers. Being in show choir meant you had the skills to be a triple threat: singer, dancer, and actor. I didn't believe in having a rhythmically challenged dancers singing solos in the center while everyone else in the show choir worked their butts off doing choreography and singing as well.

My style made me different, but it resulted in our school's senior show choir being filled with talent because there was no weak link when it came to competitions. If someone got laryngitis or hurt, we always had someone who could take his or her place. Leads were given to the seniors unless the range was suitable for a junior. Auditions were held for every lead, and we went by voice to determine who would be best to lead the song while the others served as alternatives. We were a cohesive unit designed for the best for the choir not for a person. I loved my job, and I thought about the fact that I was pregnant and would be due before Nationals on April 30th. If our show choir made it to Nationals, there was no way I would be able to teach choreography, so I made plans to tell Mr. Manley this when I began to show in my pregnancy. I already had a routine for Sectionals already planned out. Mr. Manley had given me the setlist, and the students were already practicing the songs and trying out for the leads. I should be fine with Regionals which were being held on March 19th. I would have already taught the teens the routine by the end of the February when I would be around eight months pregnant.

Because my baby's health was the most important thing to me, I took my vitamins, ate nutritiously, worked out, and kept my mind on positive things. I sang to my baby and read to my bundle of joy all the time. My mom started driving to Finlay to visit me which was previously a rare occurrence. She helped me decide which room should be the nursery, and we started spending money like mad after I was four months along. I know had a baby bump that was barely noticeable because most people assumed I had gained the weight back that I had lost over the summer. I didn't need maternity clothes because of the fact that my old clothes were designed for a bigger waistline, and I always felt uncomfortable about my belly fat, so I often wore clothes to disguise my thickness around the middle. I had tons of maxi dresses and skirts that I wore to work, and knew that I would have to buy a winter maternity wardrobe because the outfits I were wearing now were not made for cold Ohio winters.

The only thing that caused me a little unhappiness in my life were the brief Sunday visits I had with the Evans family. Brittany's hair had completely fallen out her head and looking at her brought sadness to my heart. I bought her a selection of wigs to try on, and this brighten my day when she liked one that was a short bob similar to the way her hair was styled when I first saw her this summer. We took several pictures of us both wearing blond wigs, and we laughed at how ridiculous I looked. The girls came in to see what the fuss was about and saw my hair and started calling me fairy Goldilocks instead of fairy godmother. We allowed the girls to put on the wigs and took pictures of us clowning around. When it was time for me to leave so that the Evans could go to their church and I could attend church with my family, I gave Brittany a hug not noticing that my bump which was barely noticeable to anyone else became noticeable to Brittany.

The barely bump had increased in size on the official 20th week of my pregnancy on Veteran's Day. My mom and I had spent that weekend in Findlay buying maternity clothes. Sweater dresses were about to become my new best friend. They were comfortable with fleece lined leggings and I could wear the band of the leggings below my tummy. I bought some maternity jeans and oversize sweaters to wear during the upcoming holidays, and that weekend, we announced to the rest of the family that I had been inseminated over the summer, and that I was expecting my own baby in late April or early May. Andrea was the only one to hug me in congratulations. It took what felt like hours before my big brother and daddy were able to wrap their heads around the fact that I was going to be a mother. My dad did not like the fact that I had chosen to do this without getting married first, but he was always a marshmallow when it came to me, and only asked when was the baby and I moving back to Lima? My brother was not happy with my decision at all. He looked at me with hurt in his eyes. It wasn't until he told me that he was not upset with me being pregnant, but that he was upset that I hadn't told him before now. When the baby began to kick me while he was talking, I let him be the first one to feel the movement outside of my womb. When I told him this, tears began to fall down on his face. I told him that his little niece or nephew was very advance and had been moving in my womb early, and that I was not surprised to be able to feel him or her kick outside of my womb before I was even 22 weeks along. We showed them the 12-week ultrasound pictures and told them how the baby refused to let us see his or her genitals, so I didn't know if I was carrying a girl or a boy.

The next time my mom drove to Findlay it was during my fifth month, and she was going with me for my scheduled appointment. It was now the Monday before Thanksgiving, and I had scheduled the appointment for this day because I knew I would be out of school for the week. While I got ready for the gel to applied, the doctor asked me several questions while the diagnostic sonographer prepared to tape the ultrasound for me to be able to take it home alone with promising to print out as many pictures as I needed. I was glad that my doctor, Dr. Jordan was an Obstetrician-Gynecologist, so I wouldn't have to see two different doctors. I had chosen Dr. Jordan when I first moved to Finlay because of two reasons, I was worried about infertility because of my age I was over 30 at the time and didn't see myself getting married any time soon, and the second most nonsensical reason of all was that he shared my initials. His name was Miguel Jordan, and that was all I needed at the time to help me make a decision.

We watched in awe as the ultrasound revealed a very big baby in my opinion. The baby appeared twice the size he or she was in the last the sonogram. "What have you been feeding this little mama?" Dr. Jordan flirted with my mother as always. He was happily married with two children of his own, but he couldn't help but appreciate the older Jones' beauty and care for her daughter.

"Lots of iron and love." My mama said in response as she too was surprised at the size of the baby.

"Well this little baby is now 14.23 inches and 1.53 pounds. This is more common in babies that are in their 26th week. Would you like to know the sex of the baby now that the fetus is no longer too shy to open his or her legs?"

My mother screamed yes before I could digest that my baby was slightly bigger than he or she should be. With those measurements especially the height made me believe that I was carrying a boy. I nodded my head when Dr. Jordan looked at me for confirmation. When he showed us what appeared to be a little penis, my mom asked was it a boy right when Dr. Jordan proclaimed, "It looks like a little boy to me. We could be wrong, but I almost sure from the frontal exposure that he's given us today that you will be having a little boy."

"I think the half gallon of water that I consumed before coming here may have contributed to this display," I said knowing last time that I had monitored my fluid intakes because I had been at work and couldn't spend the day on the toilet. I had to leave the doctor's office that day and head to show choir practice. The only pregnancy symptoms I had were feeling bloated, heartburn and indigestion, leg cramps, and frequent urination. I still had no food cravings and fortunately morning sickness never had been a problem. The doctor continued to take measurements and reassured us that the baby and I were both doing fine. Before we left, he reminded me that I was more than halfway through my pregnancy, and that I should start looking for childbirth classes since I was a first time mom.

The sonographer gave us the DVD and some pictures of the baby. I couldn't believe that my little bean had grown so much. He had lost the bean look and was now looking like an alien child. I didn't tell my mother this. She was talking about how she should have known it was going to be another grandson. My mother and I had been hoping for a little girl, so that nobody would be able to guess about the father of the child. However, if my son came out a darker version of his father, then hiding his paternity would be no easy feat.

My mother and I spent the rest of the day buying more baby clothes that were gender specific. I had already packed and didn't need to return my house for anything. Everything was waiting in my SUV. We were going grocery shopping as soon as we got into Lima. My mama always cooked a Southern feast for the holidays and for the first time in a long time, I was looking forward to eating Kale and Collard greens, cornbread dressing, homemade macaroni and cheese, fried turkey, yeast rolls, honey roasted turkey breast, sweet potato pie, pumpkin bread, and whipping cream pound cake drizzled with strawberries and fresh homemade ice cream.

 **A/N: The ending of this chapter is abrupt because more drama is about to occur and Chapter Eight will begin with instant drama within the first sentences at the grocery store of all places. I figured you needed a chapter that wasn't filled with angst and heaviness, and what better way to end a chapter than with food porn. Whipping cream pound cake is the best, and if my sister could bake one and I could send it to all of you electronically I would. Look up the recipe if you like to cook or have someone cook one for you. Yummy!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Don't own any copyrighted material or Glee. Though I do think I could write for telenovelas.**

 **A/N: In case you didn't guess what the beauty was in Chapter Seven it was her family's response to Mercedes' pregnancy. Her mom's love and support is the most beautiful thing there is. And when her sister in law hugged her and her father begrudgingly accepted the pregnancy and her brother's hurt at not knowing until later she was pregnant and their overall familial love and support is the ultimate beauty. Everyone is not blessed with a supportive family, so to have a family that loves and supports you even when they don't agree with you is truly beautiful. If her mother wouldn't have supported her and her family condemned her, then that would have been totally devastating to Mercedes because she is in a fragile state. Her love of family and others is giving her the hope that she will be able to love her baby despite his conception. Now it's time for more ashes, fear, and despair. I really cried while writing some of this so be warned.**

Chapter Eight

 **Part One**

I was walking down the grocery aisle looking for whipping cream when I ended up walking into a tall person who apparently was not going to move for a pregnant woman. I looked up to give the jerk a piece of my mind when I saw it no other than Sam Evans in the dairy section. It was obvious that he had recognized me and placed himself directly in my path for a reason. He looked at my stomach, and his face went from white to red to gray. It was as if something had clicked in his brain, and without waiting for permission, he had the audacity to reach out and touch my belly. It was if my son knew he had an audience and began to kick up a storm. I tried to move away from Sam, but he grabbed me by the arm and forced me into the single occupant bathroom that the store had that was behind the dairy area.

I wanted to scream and kick at him, but some sane part of me knew better than to provide the shoppers with a big scene in the local Lima grocery store. I had a big secret for a reason, and I wasn't about to allow the whole town to know the sordid story. I turned around to ask him what was he was thinking, and I saw his face looking at me as if he was forcing himself to remember.

"I was drunk and drugged out my mind." Words were tumbling out of his mouth like verbal diarrhea. I couldn't remember the night you disappeared to save my life. I knew I had done something horrible to you. The things my mother said after finding you at your home in Findlay confirmed my suspicions. What confirmed my suspicions even more is how you avoided me like I have the plague. Just tell me the truth. Did... I... rape you?" He said asking the last question as if it was killing him to believe that there was a chance he had.

I couldn't stop the shivers and trembling of fear that I felt being trapped in a small place with him. I could barely hear his words, and all I could do was begin to whisper over and over again, "please, don't hurt me." I was falling apart at Aldi's.

Based on my inability to focus on him and the fear on my face, Sam rightly assumed that he had hurt me in the worse way possible. "This baby is mine. I should have known when I heard the rumors of you being inseminated that they were lies to cover up my crime. Do you know the first person to tell me you were pregnant was my dying wife?" Sam asked as he looked at himself in disgust. Sam could see that I had gone in shock and was unable to have the most important conversation that I would ever have with him.

"I wish you would have gone to the police Mercedes. I deserved to be locked up for doing this to you. I know you don't want to believe me, but I am truly sorry. I am so disgusted and disappointed in myself, and if it weren't for my daughters and Brittany's health, I would go ahead and turn myself in. I can't believe that I hurt you of all people." He said as tears fell down his face.

Seeing his tears and barely hearing and believing his words, made me realize somewhere deep inside that I didn't need to fear a sober Sam, but I still was in a state of shock that I couldn't move or speak. Sam somehow knew that I needed to be out of his presence. He gently guided me out of the restroom. I was fortunate that my mom had come to the dairy section to look for me. When she saw Sam with hands on me, she quickly reached over and snatched me out of his gentle grip. She stood between us like a lion ready to do battle for her cub. This was totally ridiculous since she weighed 100 pounds less than Sam and was half his height. She was talking about cutting down trees when she gave him a look that could kill a lesser man. It was only then that she could see the tears on his face, and she knew within her own heart that Sam Evans was a broken man.

She turned around and grabbed me and we pushed the buggy to check-out without looking back or saying a word to Sam. I barely remember getting the groceries into the car and leaving my car at the grocery store, so I could ride home with my mother. She didn't want to question me before returning home, but she knew that I was in no state to see my father or my brother and his family at our home. After twenty minutes of driving around Lima and ending up in Lima Heights Adjacent of all places, my mother began to talk. "When I was younger than you, I find out I was pregnant with my first child right here in this apartment complex." She began looking at the area and seeing how badly it had changed in forty years.

"I was thirty years old and scared out of my mind. We were excited about the baby, but I had never been a parent before, and I was afraid I was going to mess up. All I wanted was my mother here to teach me how to be a good mother." She explained as she undid our seatbelts and enfolded me into her arms. "Being pregnant made me grow up in ways that I thought I was already mature. I had to learn to be strong for someone else besides myself. I couldn't explain the hormones that made me hate your daddy at times and then love him like mad in the next moment, but these same hormones made me love my baby with every fiber of my being. Your daddy was jealous of EJ before he was even born."

"By the time we were moved into the new house and your grandmother had come to show me how to take care of the baby, I realized part of what your daddy said was true when he told me that I loved our baby more than I loved him. Words can't express the love a woman feels for her child. You have that same love in you for your boy Mercedes, and you have got to be mentally strong for him, do you hear me?" My mom asked as I nodded my head because I was still unable to form words to come out of my mouth.

"I know it hurts badly. This whole situation is the worst thing that I could imagine you ever going through in your life. But this one thing I know now that I didn't know before, and it something that you can take to heart to know that your baby's sperm donor is not truly evil. The pain I saw radiating out his eyes, and those tears were not fake. I believe he cares enough about you to rightly hate himself for what he has done to you. Because the Lord as my witness, if he had his hands on you with evil in mind, I promise you I would have done my best to kill him, to kill him dead."

"He told me…that I should have called the police…he has no memory of the night…he only guessed it was his baby from the fear I showed in being alone with him. He now knows that he raped me, and he apologized." I said to my mom surprised to hear my voice growing stronger as I spoke.

"I knew that Mary had raised that boy right. Now his father was a sorry excuse for a man, but Mary is a good woman. I was afraid he had taken after his dad, but I am proud to know that he wants to be held accountable for his actions. Most men would not admit what he did without having a memory of the night in question. Do you want to press charges?"

"I don't want him to be a good man, I want to be justified in hating him, and I want to be happy to see him crying, but there is still some good left in me that I can't rejoice in another's suffering. I want to him to be locked up somewhere that I would never have to see his face again, and if his wife were not dying, I would gladly make that a reality. He touched my belly mom, and all I felt was revulsion and fear, but your little traitorous grandson kicked for him." I said and began laughing and crying at the same time another sign that the shock hadn't completely worn off indicating that I was still emotionally unstable.

"Well, I love you Mercedes Joy, but that is my little grandson you are talking about, and I will not allow you to speak negatively about my little man." My mama said as she pulled out her phone and begin to play back her own personal video of my ultrasound. Just hearing the sound of my baby's heartbeat caused me to recover and seeing him gave me the strength that my mama was talking about earlier, and I was able to slowly come out of my shocked state.

I hugged my mother and thanked her for being the best mother in the world. When she drove me back to my SUV, I saw a white envelope under my windshield wiper. As I got in my automobile and opened it, I was shocked to see a check written out to me for $100,000.00. At first I thought that it was a bribe because It was an Evans Ranch check and was signed by Sam. However, the note that was included simply said please use this for all costs that your insurance doesn't cover and other things you may need. I know you may not want to have anything to do with me, but please don't let me add deadbeat dad to the title of rapist that I now have. I wanted to ball up the check and tear it into pieces. But I thought better of it and decided to make it the first deposit in my son's saving account. I didn't need the Evans' money. My parents were wealthy enough, and I earned enough money to more than adequately provide for me and my son.

I showed my mother the check and the note as soon as we finished putting up the groceries and I had my suitcase rolled into the house. She read it, and then smiled a sad smile while shaking her head and changed the subject while I put the check and note in my purse. We left to go into the family room where the rest of the family was gathered to look at the DVD of the baby's ultrasound. I saw my mother on her phone and didn't question what she was doing as I was too busy receiving congratulations and oohs from my family every time my little boy opened his legs revealing what we believed to be his penis. At the end of the DVD, my dad was crying. All I could him utter was another strong Jones man to carry own the dentistry. I almost cried myself from being grateful that at 90, my dad would be too old to harass my son the way he had harassed me about going into the dental field.

It wasn't until after dinner that night that I got a text from Mrs. Evans. I knew her son had spilled the beans, and I had to steady myself to call her back. The conversation was brief. She wanted me at the Evans Ranch for Thanksgiving breakfast, and she promised me that Sam wouldn't be at the table. She was going to actually come and pick me up, so we could talk before the meal. Going to sleep that night was almost impossible. I couldn't rest and spent the night re-watching the DVD over and over again.

Eventually around two that morning, I did fall asleep. Thirty minutes before Mrs. Evans was to arrive at eight, My mom came barging in my room reminding me of my teenaged years when she had to wake me up for school. I took a quick shower and let my hair which had grown longer than ever because of the pregnancy just stay loose curling down my back. I put on a sweater dress, my favorite fleece tights, and my low heeled boots. I had just enough time to put on body butter and deodorant, brush my teeth, rinse my mouth out, and put on lip gloss before Mrs. Evans arrived.

On the way to the ranch, all Mrs. Evans could do was stare at my stomach between staring at the road. I had on my leather jacket, hat and gloves because my mama would not let me leave the house without them. The jacket was unable to close because of my growing bump. It had fitted fine just last week, so mother and I didn't think I needed another one until Christmas. I was glad that the jacket wasn't closed. Older people couldn't tolerate the cold, and between my mom's warm house and Mrs. Evans' warm car, I was more than a little hot.

As we drove up in the driveway, Mrs. Evans put the car in park, but she made no movement to get out of the car. "Mercedes, I don't know who I am disappointed more in, me or you. I thought you could me trust me by telling me everything, even if it was something bad about my son. I know there's too much of an age difference between us to be friends, but I saw you as my daughter. I know how you always refer to me as Mrs. Evans when I have told you to call me Mary a million times, but I thought our relationship was more than a superficial one. When I found you in the state that I found you, I should have guessed that Sam had done something to you. I am hurt that you didn't trust me enough to tell me the truth."

I let Mrs. Evans say what she needed to say before defending myself to her. "I am sorry, but I thought your family was already going through too much, and I couldn't bear to burden you with any more. I do trust you, and I know that you would have made me do the right thing and call the police. I just couldn't do the right thing at the time. I was too broken and full of self-hatred and recriminations. I had to force myself to be in a state of denial to even talk to you and to come back to the ranch. Do you really want to know what made me the leave the ranch the second and final time?" I ask looking at her dead in the eye.

When she nodded her head in affirmation, I continued, "Sam had come to the cabin and he had used his key to get in. I was scared out of mind, and I locked myself and hid in the bathroom that fortunately for me he didn't check, I stayed there until I heard him leave and lock the door behind him. I later packed and snuck out the back window of the cabin because I was too afraid to stay there any longer."

Mrs. Evans began to cry as I revealed this information to her. "I only got better and got the help that I needed when my parents returned from the cruise. It took a lot for me to be healed, but I am now doing better because I have to do better to give my son the best life possible from the womb and beyond."

"Sam came home from Aldi's in the worst state I had seen him in since Brittany was diagnosed with cancer. He cried and cried and admitted to raping you, and I couldn't stop myself from slapping the spit out of his mouth. I have never raised my hands in anger towards my children; their father did more than enough of that. But he had hurt you my darling girl in the worse way that a man could hurt a woman. He stopped crying and looked at me in shocked before admitting that he had written a check out for you because his act of violence had resulted in you being pregnant. I felt doubly betrayed by the both of you. You were carrying my grandchild and didn't think I had to right to know. Mercedes, this hurt more than anything. I would have chosen you over my son; I hope you know that."

"Sam has no memory of the night, but what happened was me being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and because he was stupid enough to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol, he hurt me so badly that I don't know if I will ever fully recover from it." I said as I continued to explain to Mrs. Evans what had really happened that night, and after tears and a hug that rivaled my mom in love and care, Mary was able to understand why I was so reticent in telling the truth and reluctant to press charges against her judgment and suggestion that I still do so. We headed to the house with a new understanding. I apologized to Mary and promised to stop referring her to her Mrs. Evans, and I reluctantly promised to allow her to play the role of grandmother in her grandson's life.

The breakfast was not as awful as I had anticipated. Brittany was surprising us with how strong she was, and she even looked better. The girls tried to monopolize me and their fairy god-brother. It was eerie to hear them calling their actual brother their god-brother, but I tried to ignore the knowing glance that Mary sent my way when I first heard them refer to him in that way. Mary had received an email from my mother by phone of the ultrasound, and Brittany and their girls watched it again and again in fascination. Then, I had horse events to find out about and to see the new princess doll that Stacy had picked out because it looked like me.

It wasn't until after ten that Mary called Sam to come to the house and then asked for Brittany and him to drive me home. While I was adoring Stacy's doll and looking at cell phone pictures of Taylor Marie's ribbons, Mary and Brittany both had talked to Sam on the phone. I felt temporarily betrayed by Mary, but I followed Brittany outside keeping ample distance between Sam and myself. Brittany insisted that we sit in the back as Sam acted as our chauffeur. The trip back to my parents had to be the most uncomfortable car ride in history.

Before we turned into my parent's driveway, Brittany decided to be the one to address the elephant in the car. "Mercedes, I have known you have been pregnant with Sam's baby since you were barely showing. I knew that something had to have happened with my husband and you because of the way you were avoiding him. I figured out that you had slept with him and regretted betraying me, but I didn't mind this at all because I wanted you two to get together, so you would marry him when I die."

I turned to look at my friend with shock piercing my expression. Before I could say a word, she continued. "I didn't know my husband would mess up and take advantage of you without even allowing you to know what great sex was truly about. All pregnant women should have a male given orgasm, and Sam passed out on top of you after violating you when you were asleep and then not stopping when you woke up and tried to be free of him. This upset me more than anything because you now fear my husband, and I want to hate him for him assaulting you and probably being capable of doing more physical damage if he hadn't passed out. The only two reasons I don't hate him with a fierce passion now are because I am dying and I want to be right with God, so one day I can be reunited with my children in heaven, and because my husband has been in deep regret and mourning ever since he did this to you. At first I thought he was not eating and sleeping because of the cancer, but now I know why he has been killing himself before he even knew what he had done to you. He admitted to me and Mama Mary that all he knew was that he had hurt you, but he didn't know how until yesterday. Since then I have feared that he would commit suicide, and my children are going to be orphans when I die."

She continued after pausing to look me into my eyes, "I don't know if you will be able to forgive him, but I want you to know that I don't blame you if you cannot. I love you Mercedes Jones, and although I am unhappy about the circumstances, I am excited about the baby. I have been buying him things ever since I knew you were pregnant."

Out of everybody who I thought would take the truth badly, Brittany was surprising me, and she could read the expression on my face. "I know everybody thinks I am a dumb blond, but that was just the drugs in high school. I also know that it didn't take my husband being drunk and stoned out of his mind to want to have sex with you. He has been jealous of a happily married Stevie for even looking at you. When you hug Sam, he always gets an erection, and when he sleeps, he dreams about you. I just don't know why he was so dumb and unable to figure out what he had done to you. Unless, he just couldn't bear to remember what he had done. The clues were right there in front of everybody's eyes, but even I was unable to know the full truth of what had transpired between the both of you."

"Brittany that's enough." Sam said from the front still looking ahead, as he was the one to avoid my eyes for the first time. "My mom said we needed to clear the air, and I agreed. As my mom was telling me what had actually happened that night, a little came back to my memory. You said no and tried to get me to stop, but I was too far gone to stop. I am just happy that I was too backed up and couldn't fully penetrate you because I could have seriously hurt you more than I did. I am truly sorry Mercedes, and I know I can't say this enough, but my family wants you to be a part of our lives, and they are not taking no for an answer. I am willing to go to jail or stay on the road as much as possible and out on the ranch, so you don't have to see me, but I would like for you to leave our baby with my mother from time to time, so I can know him, if only as a pretend uncle."

I was not ready to hear Sam speak at all, but obviously he was on his wife's medication again and had lost his ever loving mind like she had lost hers. I had agreed to let Mary have a relationship with her grandson, but that didn't mean that I would ever be ready to have my son around his sperm donor. I know that Brittany had some warped sister wives' thought going through her head, but I was not at the place, yet nor would ever be at the place, that I could even think about playing happy Mormon families with them.

"I think that today has been too much for all of us, and that we really all need to take some time to adjust to this weird situation. I can't ever trust you so easily Sam Evans after what went down between us, and I don't care what you want now. Your wants are not my priorities or my concerns. I am all about this little guy living inside of me. I will continue to spend time with Mary, you Brittany, and your daughters, but I can't tolerate you, Sam, being able to live your picture perfect life when you have forever turned my world upside down. I don't mean to be petty or vindictive, but I think Brittany is finally recovering and in the future, I hope you two can have a son of your own. So, if you would be kind to turn down the driveway, I will get out, and I will be in contact with you later Brittany during this holiday break." I said as I waited for Sam to follow my instructions.

I didn't care if I had upset Brittany. I sure as H.E. double hockey sticks didn't care if Sam Evans lived or died. They were out of their minds, and when I told my mama the bizarre conversation the three of us had, she for once didn't have a thing to say about Sam's request to have access to my son. "Mercedes, we will talk about this later when we are alone," was all she would say as she put the finishing touches on the meal.

I couldn't understand her reticence in discussing this, but I tried to put it out of my mind and help her out with the last minute cooking. I prepared and placed the macaroni cheese in the oven, while she did all the other things that didn't take too long to cook. My dad was outside frying the turkey on our deck. And EJ and his family weren't expected until another hour, so I was unsure why my mom was reluctant to give her opinions at the time.

By the time, we had given thanks for all our blessings of the past year and had eaten enough food to last us until Sunday, I thanked the Lord that I remembered to bring my gas medicine. I was a stuffed bird and when I got up, I began to waddle a little because my center of gravity was slightly thrown off, and this set my nephews to laughing. When everybody looked at them to find out what was funny, the two pointed at me and began to mimic how I had walked. I threatened to pulverize them but was too busy with rushing to the bathroom to carry out my threats. After the meal, my brother and his family went to visit his wife's family, and my dad settled into his recliner and began his afternoon nap in front of the TV while supposedly watching a football game.

My mom chose this as the time to talk to me as we cleaned up the kitchen. "Mercy baby, I know you don't want to hear this, but I sent that video to Mary for a reason. She texted me about your run in with Sam at the grocery store, and she wanted to know how you were doing. I answered her honestly and sent that video with hopes that she would show it to Sam, too. Before you interrupt me, I got to say what I got to say. That man made a horrible mistake, a mistake that I could even see your father making, or EJ making if they were in his shoes. It was a series of unfortunate events that led to that night, but although I detest his actions and have pleasant dreams of shooting his pecker off and of cutting his balls and all off with a machete, I can't regret his actions no matter how much I know you were hurt by them because of that life growing in you right now was worth all the pain and the sorrow. You were barely living life before this pregnancy, and I thought this was going to be the straw that broke the camel's back, and you were going to choose to die rather than fight to live."

My mother paused as she let her words marinate in my brain. "You have always allowed others to frame your happiness and when they let you down, you began closing yourself off. I was surprised by your friendship with Brittany in high school after that whole thing with Quinn, and I was surprised you two became friends again. You actually accepting Brittany as a friend again when it felt to us both that she was only using you like everybody has done in your life shocked me. I saw you climbing outside the walls you had encased your heart in, and this was an important step in you becoming the woman I knew you were meant to be."

"When Sam did what he did to you, I admit that I wanted to kill him, and a part of me still wants to make him suffer in every imaginable way. He hurt my baby, and I wanted him to feel the pain that he was inflicting on you. But now that I know he is trying to make things right and is willing to go to jail, I can't help but to respect the sober version of him. He is not asking for you to be in his life or for you to even see him. All he wants is to be able to see his son. Does he deserve to see him, no, but does God gives us what we deserve? He doesn't; he gives us mercy. Your name has mercy in it, and it has been something that I was grateful that you possessed. It was hard for you growing up in Lima and being different, but you never gave me or your father a bit of trouble, you kept on being strong, or so I thought. Until I realized that you have put up walls to guard your heart from pain. People have let you down, and you have always been kind and self-sacrificing to those who hurt you the most. Unfortunately, I think that you believe that nobody can truly care for you, and that is why you are not married. There have been eligible men who have tried to be in your life, but you have been too guarded to let them in."

"I can't tell you to trust Sam with your son, and I can't make you extend mercy to his undeserving soul, but I can give you advice one mother to another mother. I advise you to think how your son will feel when he finds out that his father wanted to be in his life, and you denied him. No matter how much your son may hate his dad for what he did to you, he will never forgive you for making that decision. You come back to Lima every weekend. What could it hurt to allow the Evans family to have access to him, a few hours once a week?"

"I have let you speak mother, and I respect you for giving me tough love, but I am hormonal and pregnant. How can you expect me to make rational decisions? I can't help thinking that Sam will try to fight me for custody if Brittany goes in remission. What judge wouldn't give him half custody; especially to a stable family man as rich as the Evans, a man I was unwilling to press charges against even after he asked me to do so more than once? I can't believe that he would be satisfied with a little of my son's life. What if he grows up to look like him, ride horses like him, and be a mini him? He is going to ask for weekends, then weeks, then every other holiday, and then summers. I can't risk it mama."

"I understand baby, and I am sorry for bombarding you with this, but you need to have this dealt with now, so you can move on and never have to talk to him or see him again like he promised. He is still taking something from you, if it's only your peace of mind. What if he agrees to sign a contract stating that he will never sue for custody? Would this make you amenable to trusting him and Mary?" I nodded my head in surrender. I had no arguments after that statement. "I know you think I am being hard on you baby girl, but you are going to have to tell the truth to your father and brother. Just tell them that it was a drunken accident. We can't keep this from them when it will be apparent that your child has Evans blood in him and the dates match up to your time at the ranch. We won't tell them until the baby shower because I have to have peace in my house during the holidays, but Mary and I have already began planning it."

My worst nightmare was soon going to be a reality. Mary and my mom together is just too much. You could have one or the other but not the both of them. I didn't like ornate over the top events. I was just going to invite my mom to the shower that my co-workers were sure to have for me at work. Now I was going to have to be dealing with women who had been waiting to plan a wedding for their own daughter and plan a baby shower. My mom the evil genius that she was knew what she was doing. She was trying to distract me from being depressed about my situation. However, no distraction could keep the morning's events out of my head.

After I had waddled off to my room without trying to protest about the baby shower knowing that it would get me nowhere, I sent a text to Sam that night which was short and to the point. My mom is making me do this, but I am willing to allow you to spend a small amount of time with my son as long as you stay away from me. Don't call me or try to communicate with me ever again. I was not surprised when Brittany tested me back within the next minute. Her text read that Sam was grateful to Mrs. J. and he promised that he would be a good father and would keep his distance from me. I was grateful that the serotonin in the turkey had done a number on me that I was so exhausted that I fell asleep before reading my next text that I got from Brittany telling me that her husband was crying with gratitude, and she wanted me to know that my baby daddy was not a complete monster just an idiotic jackass.

I woke up that morning and read the text and sent heart and kisses to Brittany without acknowledging her words before getting up to shower and brush my teeth. I had just finished my morning routine when I heard my mom calling me to tell me that breakfast was hot and ready. I joined her and dad, and when we went to clean up the dishes after eating, I told her about my texts to and from the Evans couple. She hugged me and told me that she was so proud of me. Even though I had forgiven Sam for all the pain, he had caused me so that I could heal, I still suffered from nightmares from time and time, and I knew now that I was going to have to learn to accept him in my son's life whether I liked it or not. The good thing was that I wouldn't be around the two of them. I am afraid that I would break his arms the moment he first touched my child. This was an irrational thought that I blamed completely on my hormones.

I spent the rest of the Thanksgiving break putting up meals in the freezer that my mom was making to last me until Christmas break. She didn't want me on my feet cooking, and she didn't want me driving to Lima unnecessarily if we had any snowstorms. She was going to send my brother to get me over Christmas break because she didn't want me driving in inclement weather. I humored her knowing that I grew up driving in snow and the tire chains plus snow tires, and I was careful to only drive when a snow plow had just finished clearing the roads. I stayed in Northern Ohio for almost ten years. I could handle driving in the snow.

 **Part Two**

Three weeks later when EJ and the boys came and got me for Christmas break, I was glad that my brother had driven up. I was getting tired more and more, and I was truly waddling like a penguin at almost 25 weeks of pregnancy. I had gained fifteen pounds of belly, and I resembled a black Mrs. Claus. Dr. Jordan told me that the weight gain was normal and that I could expect to gain fifteen more pounds before I delivered in less than four months.

I had promised Brittany and Mary that I would split my time with them and my family over my two-week holiday. At first it was odd having my sperm donor's wife fawn all over my stomach, but it was something I got used to as quickly as his half-sisters fawning over their fairy god-brother. The ranch was truly a beautiful sight for Christmas with lights everywhere and each home decorated ornately. Mary wanted me to spend the night because Sam and Stevie were out of town and wouldn't be back for a week. I agreed to spend some nights at Mary's house. I would never be able to sleep in Brittany's home again.

I enjoyed the week I had with the Evans family. All the girls wanted to cater to me and treat me like a princess instead of their fairy godmother. I did notice Brittany taking more naps and resting more, and I was a little concerned with her health. When I left the Evans Ranch and headed back to my home, the weekend that the Evans brothers were to return home, I was happy to have dodge both Sam and Stevie. I really didn't need another set of eyes on my belly and see the itchy hands that wanted to touch my soccer player who was obviously going to take after his big sister Taylor Marie.

Christmas at the Jones' family home was more low key than that at the Evans Ranch. We celebrated on Christmas Eve after attending church with the exchanging of presents but not the opening of them, then EJ and his family spent the day at their house, and we would stop in to visit and eat brunch and see how the boys enjoyed their gifts. EJ and Andrea always got me the same thing, and I always returned the favor. I got them a gift certificate to their favorite restaurant, and they got me a gift certificate for my favorite store. This year, I had another gift from them, and it was for baby boy Jones. They had gotten their nephew a book of the month membership. EJ remembered how much I loved reading as a child, and he told me expected my son to take out after his mother. I cried and thanked them both for the considerate gift. The boys all loved my gifts for them, and I loved their handmade gifts to me as much as I loved the gift card from their parents.

After my dad's nap, we headed back to my parents' home. I was surprised to find Mary Evans waiting for me with panic in her expression. She had just left the hospital, and they were going to have to airlift Brittany to Columbus. I could remember something being off with Brittany, but couldn't put my finger on it that previous week. Mary wanted to know if it was alright if the girls stayed with me at my parents' house, and we all agreed. The girls who were in Mary's car looked as if their hearts were collectively broken. My mom still had skills of an elementary school teacher and had cajoled the girls with participating in our annual caroling of the neighborhood. We hadn't caroled since EJ left for college, but we all went into the house and began to practice our songs. The girls were temporarily distracted, and my dad was in constant communication with Mary to make sure she arrived in Columbus safely.

After a successful afternoon of caroling and eating all kinds of Christmas goodies for snacks, the sugar high left the girls cranky until they both fell asleep on the couch in a nap, and their soft sleep sounds could be heard interspersed with my father's snoring. I was too anxious to find out about Brittany's condition, so a nap was out the question for me, so I helped my mom set the dinner table and finished cooking our Christmas dinner of gumbo, red beans and rice,, jambalaya, fried chicken, beignets, smothered pork chops, cornbread, collard greens, candied yams, pecan pie, and red velvet cake. The girls fell in love with beignets and had stuffed bellies as we all ended dinner by watching the Christmas movie marathon that was on the UP channel.

Once the girls were showered and wearing my dad T-shirts, my mom braided Taylor Marie's hair, and I braided Stacy's hair. We said a prayer for their mother, and tucked them into the twin beds that EJ's son used when they stayed over. My mother and I had heard from Mary earlier, and Brittany was in a coma and was still unresponsive. She had left a living will, which meant if she stopped breathing on her own, then the hospital had been advised to do not resuscitate. I don't know if it was the gumbo or the jambalaya, but I had a hard time falling asleep that night. I prayed for my friend, and I hoped that she would pull out the coma to be home with her daughters before New Year's Eve.

All our hopes and prayers were useless, the doctor didn't see Brittany pulling through this setback and had told Sam to bring their daughters to Columbus, so they could say goodbye to their mother. So, my mother washed and dried their clothes, and Stevie came over to take me and the girls to Columbus. During the entire ride to Columbus, I tried to distract myself by asking Stevie about his wife and daughter. They were spending the holiday with Madison's brother Mason and his wife Jane in California where it wasn't quite so cold. Jane and Mason were both actors and singers, and she and Mason had found some success on the Broadway stage. They were in California because Mason had booked a job on some crazy show that I would never watch about young adults being killed on a college campus.

When we made it to the hospital and were seated in the waiting room, Stevie revealed to me that Sam had confessed what he had done and that he knew that I was pregnant with his nephew. He told me he had beat the crap out of Sam when he confessed to him, and Stevie had to be held back when he reached for the horse whip by the ranch hands. He saw me cringe and withheld telling me more details of his brother's beat down in which Sam wouldn't defend himself.

"I hope you will allow me to be his uncle and to be in his and your life." Stevie said looking at me intensely with his blue eyes. I gave him a hug and promised that I would be honored to have him in both our lives, and this is how Sam found us as he had come out of Brittany's room to make phone calls to everybody updating them on Brittany's condition. As always I could tell that Stevie touching me had an adverse effect on Sam, so I began to pull away from him. When Stevie saw his brother, he hugged me closer to him and flipped his brother off which I thought was inappropriate considering why we were at the hospital.

Mary brought the girls out of Brittany's room, and they were crying inconsolably. I allowed their immediate family to tend to them as I chose that time to creep into Brittany's room. I looked at her looking so pale and gaunt that I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face. "I thought you were strong enough to fight this off my sister. You were always the braver one out of the two of us." I said pretending that she could hear me before continuing. "You know you have a nephew that you have to spoil who will want to meet his awesome Auntie Britt. I need you now more than any other time in my life. Please don't leave me." I begged and I watched and thought I was losing my mind, when I saw her eyelids flutter. I hurried outside to get Mary and reluctantly Sam.

As soon as Sam entered the room, he flew to be beside Brittany who had opened her eyes. She told Sam in a faint voice to not to forget his promise, and that he shouldn't worry about her she was heading towards the light where there was no more pain. He went to go get her parents, his children, and Stevie, and we were all able to tell her that we loved her and hear her tell us goodbye as her heart stopped beating. The doctors cleared the room, and I allowed myself one final look before being guided out the room by the hospital staff.

Several days later, I hadn't expected to end my Christmas vacation attending a funeral, but there I was sitting on the seats reserved for family cradling a weepy Stacy in my arms. She didn't want anybody but me, so I had stayed with her at Mary's house the nights after Brittany's death. I would just hug her like my mama did with me and sing the same songs my mama would sing to me. My mother made sure she brought food out to Evans Ranch every afternoon, and she would stay as long as she could with me. Stacy didn't want me out of her eyesight, so I stayed near the girl knowing that after the funeral on Saturday that I was going to have to cut the cord. I had to return to Findlay on Sunday evening to be ready for work on Monday. I hated when New Year's fell on a weekday because they meant we had to go back for an in service day on Monday. If I wasn't pregnant and it wasn't winter, I would have commuted to work each day to be close to Stacy and Taylor Marie. But whether I liked it or not I was going to have separate myself from the Evans family.

On the morning of the funeral, I was alone with Sam for the first time since we were in the grocery store's restroom. I voluntarily met his eyes, and all he could say was that I promised her, and she knew what was for the best all along. I didn't ask him what he meant because Stacy came barreling in the room towards me as soon as she had finished her shower. I wished she would have acknowledged her father and preferred him over me, but she wanted my attention, and my attention alone. When my mother came over to pick me up for the funeral, Stacy had a fit and refused to ride in the limo without me. Mary pleaded with my mother and me, so that we would ride in the family limo to get the girl back inside so we could head to the church. It was the most uncomfortable ride of my life. We were tightly squeezed beside Stacy and near Taylor Marie and Mary on the bench seat facing Sam, Brittany's parents, and Stevie.

At the church we were seated on the family's front row because of Stacy, and I could feel all of Lima's eyes on me and my pregnant belly. I was on the program to sing "Friends" by Michael W. Smith, and I was going to make my mother accompany me whether she wanted to or not. I was able to finish the song and return to my seat with tears flowing freely from my eyes. While I was singing the words of the song, I couldn't help remember the first and last time I sang the song with Brittany.

The funeral passed by in a blur to me as I consoled Stacy and was consoled by my own mother. After the funeral, Brittany's lawyer wanted to meet with all of her family including me excluding the kids. Stacy cried herself to sleep when she was finally separated from me. Brittany had left a living will and her last will of testaments with explicit instructions. She had placed in the will that I was to be the uncontested guardian of her two daughters if Sam preceded her in death which shocked everyone. She named me as also the trustee over the life insurance policies that had been left to her daughters as beneficiaries. I was to be in charge of their estate until they reached the age of 25. She left her current assets to be divided between the girls and my unborn son which caused even more gasps in surprises. She ended her will by asking me to seriously consider marrying Sam and becoming the girls' official stepmother. I had fainted by the time, the lawyer read finished reading this, and I was told that Sam carried me out of the room to my mother who had rocked Stacy to sleep.

According to my mother after she gave him a look that could kill any lesser being, Sam went back shaken to the core to hear the rest of the will. He had told his mother, and Mary had told my mother that he had decided to leave the will uncontested. He knew his wife wanted him and Mercedes together, and she would try from the grave to get her heart's desire. My mom didn't tell me the rest of their conversation, but I was happy that I didn't have to talk to Sam to get the details. Sam, my mother, and I all knew that no matter what Brittany wanted, I would never marry a man who had raped me. I only suffered his presence now because his wife my best friend had died and his little girl was attached to my side. My mom and I waited until Stacy fell asleep after eating supper before we left the Evans Ranch. I was tuckered out and wanted nothing more than my bed and to pretend that I hadn't lost a dear friend. My mom promised to have my dad drive me home early in the morning since I was in no condition to go home to an empty house. I was physically, emotionally, and mentally drained, and all I could do now was attempt to get some rest.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: We are finally getting towards the end of the saga, and I can't believe the love, understanding, and the emotions that this story have brought out in me and some of my readers, and I just want to tell you that I can understand all sides. Some of us are eternal hopeful romantics, and some of us scarred people who have been hurt, and it takes a while to forgive and forget. In this story, something had to happen to allow Sam back in her life, and whether you agree or disagree with her decision and mindset, remember she is a hormonal pregnant lady and is doing what she thinks best, but whether she makes the right decision or not is up to opinion. I appreciate all of you who keep reading and reviewing, following, and favoriting. This little novella ( 50,000-65,000 words) will be finished soon. So, time jumps will happen after this chapter including the next jump in Chapter Ten the birth of the baby. Please forgive any mistakes, this chapter is hot off the press and I haven't had a chance to give it the the thrice read proofread that it needs. I don't own anything from any copyrighted work used in this chapter or previous ones.**

 **Chapter Nine**

I was shocked to see Stevie Evans' number on my phone calling me three weeks later. Stevie told me he was calling me for a huge favor. Before I could ask him what the favor was, he launched into a recap of what had happened since he had last seen me after the funeral. Mary and Sam had thought it was a good idea for Stacy and Taylor Marie to spend the week with their mother's side of the family to get away from the ranch and memories of their mother in their home. The Pierces had a hard time getting Stacy into their car, and they were unable to get her to eat and Taylor Marie to speak. The couple decided that the girls needed therapy, and they had found a good one in Findlay. The Pierces also convinced Sam that the girls being around me would continue Stacy's obsession with me, and they didn't want me to be around the girls until they could start healing. Mary didn't agree with them, but knew they had just lost their daughter and were not capable of thinking rational. All the couple could see was their grandchildren preferred being with some black woman more than they did to their own blood relatives. Taylor Marie wasn't talking, and all Stacy would continue to ask for was Miss Cedes.

Mary had decided she needed a vacation because she couldn't tolerate Sam slowly killing himself, and the Pierces trying to soften their loss by replacing their daughter with her children. So, she went on a twenty-four night cruise beginning in Hawaii and ending in Auckland, New Zealand. She was due back in February, and she had hoped that her son would be forced into fatherhood and realize that the Pierces were clueless in raising Brittany, and they would be even more clueless in trying to raise their granddaughters. As always, Mary was right and Sam was called to Toledo to the Pediatric Psychiatry unit at ProMedica Toledo Children's Hospital because Stacy had been hospitalized because her therapist in Findlay noticed the rapid drop in weight at her young age and how distraught the child was even though she was in therapy.

According to Stevie, this had been the kick in the pants his brother needed, and the three had begun to see a family therapist in Findlay once a week on Tuesday mornings. This finally got us to the reason why Stevie was calling in the first place. "Mercedes, as you know they are forecasting a blizzard similar to the one that struck us in 78 that we learned about in school. They have closed the roads, and as you know closed schools. Sam was able to cajole Stacy in to eating today because he promised her, he would stop by your house on their way home. He told the girls that you would be at work and unable to see them, but Stacy wanted to come see your magical castle and probably convince him to stay until you came home. They didn't know about the weather forecast because they were in a therapy session when all that was going on and getting Stacy to eat was all Sam could think about."

"Stevie, you have been talking my ear off for the last ten minutes, can you please just get to the point," I told him feeling frustrated that I had to hear this details about the girls' lives which made me feel a tad bit of guilt because I had promised Brittany that I would be there for her girls, and I hadn't been able to keep my promise. I had spent the weeks following Brittany's death on autopilot. I went to work, fed myself, and sometimes cried myself to sleep because I truly mourned her death. I had just gotten to the point that I was ready to see the girls, but every weekend in January had been too horrible to risk driving back and forth to Lima, and I was seven months pregnant with a borderline high blood pressure issue that my doctor wanted monitored in case it turned into preeclampsia. I was up to twice a month visits now that I was in the third trimester, and I was being ordered to live as stress free as possible, so I didn't try to think of or contact the Evans because I didn't need the drama, and I was sure Mary's leaving on the cruise meant everything was okay. My family was now coming to Findlay to see me instead of driving back and forth to pick me up and bring me back home. I had more than enough room to accommodate even my brother and his family. My mother cooked all low sodium and healthy meals, and my brother helped my mom and my sister-in-law paint and decorate the nursery.

I stopped losing myself in my own thoughts because Stevie's next words broke through my reverie. "As I was saying he promised Stacy a visit to your house knowing you wouldn't be there because he didn't know about the blizzard, and now all three are stranded outside of your house in his truck."

"Can you repeat that Stevie because surely you didn't say what I thought you said?" I asked thinking that this had to be some kind of failure to communicate.

"Sam and his girls are about to run out of gasoline and lose heat outside your home. Mercedes, he didn't want to ask, but there is no way with the roads closing that I can come and rescue him, he needs to stay there with you."

My gut reaction was to let the girls inside and leave their daddy to die outside, but I guess that could be deemed murder and probably his daughters would have the meltdown to end all meltdowns after losing their mother almost one month earlier, so against my self-protective instinct, I agreed for my unborn son, his grandmother, his uncle, and his sisters' sake to allow that person back into my sanctuary, a place that I didn't want tainted with his presence ever again. "Alright Stevie, tell him I have unlocked all the doors, and they are to come in." I said reluctantly before telling Stevie goodbye.

I wanted to call my mother and vent and scream, but I realized that I had to rise up to this challenge on my own. There was nothing my mother could do or say to make the situation go away. The girls could spend the night in the room my nephews stayed in, but Sam was not spending the night in my house. I was not at that place in my healing from his actions yet, and although I knew he was sober, his presence would not keep my blood pressure down, so he was going to stay in the pool house whether he liked it or not. I quickly put on my outerwear and went to the pool house and turned the central heat up and made sure there was linen, toiletries, and stuff he might need as they made their way into my home.

They were looking for me when I came back inside the house in my new leather trench coat, pajamas, boots, and hood that I had on. I looked like a snow-woman instead of Frosty; they could call me Ebony the Snow-woman. I braced myself for the girls who began launching themselves at me with hugs, and our tears flowed from all three of our faces. After we embraced for what felt like forever, I remembered that their father was in the room with us. I didn't recognize the bearded gaunt man who looked as if he had aged thirty years in the last three weeks. His hair was always darker in the winter time and I could see flecks of gray throughout it. I purposefully didn't meet his eyes because I didn't want to think of the grief he must have felt from losing his wife, and then the shock he had when he could have almost lost his daughter due to her not eating.

I told the girls that we were going to enjoy the electricity while we still had it before my emergency gas generators kicked in only powering my refrigerator, hot water heater, microwave, and lights by allowing them to watch whatever they wanted on TV; the two quickly headed to the great room and the television set. I then looked over Sam's shoulder as I told him, "I will give you some food to take with you, but you are not welcome in my home. You will have to stay in the pool house until the blizzard is over. You will be able to spend time with your daughters here, and I will text you when I am napping, so you can know it's safe to come over see them and get more food. I don't want to see your face any more than I have to." I told him coldly not caring how I sounded. His feelings meant nothing to me. Only his daughters' well-being were paramount to me.

Without an argument, Sam left me to gather some food from the kitchen. My mom had a million meals in my freezer, and he took a handful along with some bottles of water over to the pool house. He came back to tell the girls that he was going to allow us to have girls night while he slept in the poolhouse to make sure Mercedes' pipes in that house didn't freeze. After hugging and kissing them goodnight, he left looking dejected as a kicked dog. I ignored his look, but I was surprised to see the new closeness that existed between Sam and his girls. I went into the kitchen and actually cooked a meal knowing that the girls wouldn't want my mom's diet meals. I made a big pot of corn chowder. The girls were like their father, and they loved corn. My body had been craving the bacon that I had hidden from my mom, and the comfort food which was loaded with potatoes and cheese and just a little corn and bacon was a meal that little kids liked, too.

After we ate dinner, I got caught up on everything the girls had been going through. We spent more time crying than actually talking. Stacy had moved to my lap and noticed that my belly didn't leave any room for her to sit on me, so she just snuggled up to one side of my body while Taylor Marie snuggled up against the other. Taylor told me how awful her Grandparents Pierce were and how she refused to talk to them because they refused to allow her and Stacy any contact with me. "They couldn't understand that you are our fairy godmother. You are the magic in our lives. When you are around, we can still feel our mother." She revealed looking at me, and I could see how closely she would resemble her mother the older she got. I felt the opposite; the more I was around them, the more I felt Brittany's spirit, but I didn't argue with her.

"I couldn't eat or sleep Miss Cedes. My heart was broke, and I knew you were the only one to be able to fix it. My daddy tried to fix it when I was sent to the hospital. He cried and cried and begged me to eat reminding me mama wouldn't want me to get sick and die, too. I knew he was telling the truth, but it was still hard for me to swallow and keep anything down." She confessed with tears forming in her eyes.

"Daddy did come and rescue us from the evil grandparents, but he just did what a prince does. He didn't have your magic Miss Cedes; he couldn't stop me from hurting so badly that I didn't mind getting sick and dying if it meant being with my mommy." Stacy whispered in my ear.

"But then, Taylor Marie began to talk again and she reminded me of what momma always said, she said soon she was going to have to go on a special trip by herself, but she was going to leave us in the best hands in the world; she said you were going to take care of us, and make sure we grew up to be strong, healthy, smart, and beautiful just like you. She said you were going to be our new mommy."

So many emotions went through me listening to the smaller sized Stacy Evans. My first day on the Evans Ranch with Brittany and the two of us talking flashed back into my brain. I remember her wanting me to be a friend to her husband and her children and that she would know that they were in good hands if I was around. I was going to be able to keep half that promise. I would be around the girls for the rest of my life, and I would fight for them even if I had to kick their sorry father into being a better dad for them by sending him to a parenting class that he needed and counseling for his own ratchet self. He was obviously clueless on how to rear two little girls, and I was going to have to be that person to fill in the gaps until he got himself right and was maybe one day able to meet a woman who could replace me and be his wife. The girls' needs were more important than anything but my son's health and my mental well-being. I was willing to do whatever it took to make sure that they were able to grief appropriately with all the support that they needed.

We spent the rest of the four days of the blizzard without straying much from my bedroom. The heat in my house was powered by gas, my oven was a gas oven, and so my generator just provided back up electricity until the power company got us back up and running. Because we were set up in my bedroom, I notified Sam that he could enter and exit the house whenever he needed more water or food. He would text to make sure he wouldn't have to run into me, and the girls would leave my room and spend some time with their father throughout the day. At night we would all sleep in my bed and tell stories while eating popcorn, I would do the girls' hair in braids that looked similar to the twists I had gotten to save time on my haircare, and I would paint their nails while they painted my toenails that I could no longer reach.

During the four days, I used my phone's data plan because the wireless in my house was down to research depression and grief in children. I even looked into some things for their father. That man owed me too much to deny me when I was going to lay down the gauntlet before he left with the girls to go back to the ranch the following day. I had called my mother and asked her opinion on my decisions, and she thought I had lost my mind. I couldn't disagree with her, but I knew what the girls needed, and I was willing to sacrifice my comfort and peace of mind to make sure the two little wounded souls would be a given a chance to heal.

As I trudged in the snow to enter my pool house that Sam was now living in, I kept trying to think of my love for Brittany to give me the strength to do what I knew I must do. When I entered the house, I was surprised to hear a voice, thinking Sam was on the phone. I was shocked to hear that he was praying. I listened to him as he ask God for direction and the strength to get his girls' safely home and to help him be a better man and a better father. I knew it was wrong for me to eavesdrop, but I didn't feel like going back outside in the snow to do this only again when I thought he was finished. When he said amen, I was just about to make my presence known when he began to speak to Brittany as if she were in the room. "I am sorry Britt Britt, but I promise that I am never going to get so caught up in myself again that I won't see the harm that it is happening to our little girls. I don't know how, but I am going to be better for them. I never want to visit a psychiatric wing for our girls ever again. The thoughts that went through my head when I saw Stacy laying on that bed looking so small and so defenseless was the wake up call I needed. You should see how they have improved just being around Mercedes. You were right as always. She is perfection with them. Taylor Marie is talking and Stacy is eating. I swear she has put on a least five pounds since we have been here. I am just so afraid to take the girls from her. I don't know if they will revert once we get back to the ranch without her presence. I just don't know what to do." Sam said with a strangled voice before shaking his head and lifting his head up from the table that he had ended up laying it down on when he was praying.

"Stay right there, Sam" I said when I saw him turn his head in my direction, recognize that I was there, and began to move to get up. When he stayed seated at the table, I mustered up the strength of will to began to reveal him what I thought he needed to do. "Those two girls need me in their lives, but I am unable to be in Lima at all this late in my pregnancy and commute to work at the same time. So, this is what you are going to do." I began before telling him my plan. Sam was going to take the girls back to the ranch where they were going to pack up their rooms and bring as much as his truck could hold back to my house along with things that Sam would need to make the pool house his own. The girls would live with me until Mary was back from her cruise. He was going to have to commute with them back and forth to Lima, so they wouldn't miss any school. He was not to be alone with me at all nor free to be in my home without my expressed invitation. He would continue to sleep in the pool house and attend mandatory counseling sessions and parenting classes, so that he would be able to be the father the girls needed.

"I can't allow you to do that Mercedes. I can't take advantage of your kind heart. Seeing you everyday will just cause me to regret my past actions more than I do now. I hate myself, and I am barely hanging on for my daughters. And I can't undo the past, but I can honor your request to attend counseling sessions and parenting classes because I am obviously a broken man who needs to become whole so that I can be the father my daughters deserve."

"There is nothing you can do or say that will make what happened to us in the past go away. But as I have said before, I don't want to talk about it with you again. I have forgiven you a long time ago, so you don't need to do anything but stay away from me. I know what I am saying is like a mixed message, but those girls need us both. And I can't be there in Lima, and I refused to keep them from you, so you will have to move into the pool house for another week. I never come out here until the spring, so it will be as if you are not around. I will expect you to have the girls here for dinner with me every night by 6pm. You will then be free to go to a restaurant or cook yourself your own meal in the pool house. I will expect you to tuck them in at night while I am cleaning up the kitchen after our meal. When you leave, I will spend time with them before it's time for them to go to sleep. I will help them get up in the morning and ready for school. You will take them out to breakfast on their way to school. That way we each get a meal with them a day." I went on to explain to him how I could see us co-existing for a week to help the girls heal.

"I don't deserve this. I don't deserve any of the love and kindness that you have extended to my family, and a part of me wants to refuse your kind offer, but the other part of me knows that my girls need you right now and that I would be stupid to not to see how much better they have been since we have been stranded here in the snowstorm. Before you came, I was praying to God because I didn't know how I was going to be able to take care of them like you have been, and I needed His direction and strength. Stacy has gained some weight back, and Taylor is back to her usual chatty self. I didn't want them to relapse when we returned home. I am totally

in awe of you Mercedes Jones. My wife and mother were always right about you."

I don't think that Sam even noticed that he said wife. Brittany's death had not been long enough for him to be able to see her as his departed wife. Sam was in no physical state to cause me any harm, and I doubt he would try to cause me stress or physical distress because I was a big pregnant lady. He was almost skeletal in appearance, and the healthy meals of my mom that he had been eating were not going to help him gain any weight back. For once fear was not an adjective I had for the man. I still detested what he had done, but I couldn't help but pity him. My pregnancy hormones were making me want to mother everyone, so I quickly left his presence before the desire to mother him overwhelmed me. How could a sane person want to comfort their attacker? I was conflicted in what my heart and mind both wanted at that time. My mind said let him suffer like he rightly deserves, but my heart was full of compassion.

As I left through the door, I could hear him saying how sorry he was and that he didn't mean to make me run off. The poor man was clueless on why I had to get away from him. It had nothing to do with our painful past, but everything to do with my desire to nurture any and everyone who crossed my path, and I didn't want to deal with the war my soul was having over him. Delighting yourself in another person's pain is not something that I had been able to do, and I was unwilling to sink to that level, but wanting to alleviate his pain was something else entirely. I distracted myself from these uncomfortable thoughts as I told the girls that their daddy had agreed to allow them to stay one more week with me, and the girls cried with tears of joy. They wanted me to ride back to Lima with them, but there was no way I was going anywhere near Sam, if I could help it. I told them that I would be too busy getting the house ready for their extended stay. A part of me was so conflicted and thought like my mom that I wasn't yet strong enough to deal with these girls and their father after what had happened to me just seven months ago.

However, just like Brittany's death kept me from thinking about my attack, her girls' devastation got me to thinking of others instead of myself. Helping kids was a part of me, and I, like my mother, could never allow a child to wallow in pain, if I could help it. It was as if Brittany had known that her girls were going to need me of all people when they had a wonderful grandmother, another set of grandparents, a father, and an uncle who should have been more than enough for them.

I knew I needed to get out of my thoughts. Thinking about Brittany was still just too painful for me. So, I distracted myself by going to the room the girls were going to share and stripping the bed to prepare for their arrival. I begun to sing the song that was giving me my strength to stay positive during this season of loss in my mind "Beauty for Ashes" by Crystal Lewis.

He gives beauty for ashes, strength for fear, laughter for mourning, peace for despair. He gives beauty for ashes, strength for fear, laughter for mourning, peace for despair. When sorrow seems to surround you, when suffering hangs heavy o'er your head, know that tomorrow brings wholeness and healing, God knows your need, just believe what He said. He gives beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning, peace for despair. He gives beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning, peace for despair. When what you've done keeps you from moving on,When fear wants to make itself at home in your heart, know that forgiveness brings wholeness and healing, God knows your need just believe what He said. He gives beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning, peace for despair. He gives beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning, peace for despair. I once was lost but God has found me, Though I was bound I've been set free, I've been made righteous in His sight, A display of His splendor all can see, I once was lost but God has found me, Though I was bound I've been set free, I've been made righteous in His sight, A display of His splendor all can see. He gives beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning, peace for gives beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning, peace for gives beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning, peace for despair. He gives beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning, peace for despair. Peace for despair. Peace for despair. Peace for despair. He gives peace for despair.

After singing the song, I just kept asking for peace for despair for me and the Evans' family. I also did something that I hadn't been able to do since my attack and that was pray the same thing for Sam Evans. When I sung the words of the song that when what you've done keeps you from moving on, I couldn't help but think of him. He deserved pain, he deserved punishment, but like my mom said he also deserved mercy, and only God could give him this because I was unable to do this, but I was able to pray that he would heal so that he could be the father his little girls needed. Praying for him gave me a sense of release that had been lacking before, and I experienced a heavy weight being lifted from me that was inexplicable. I could feel true peace for the first time since the summer began. Tears streamed down my face. Being pregnant was turning me into an emotional watering pot, but I was dealing with my emotions instead of burying them and pretending to be okay. I was honest with myself and not using religion to escape the pain as I had been earlier, but I was now using it to help me deal with what I had to deal with, and allowing myself to choose to have faith that I would have beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning, and peace for despair.

The song, that had become my personal anthem since all of the bad things in my life were occurring back to back without pause, also allowed me to recognize the beauty that I had in my life. I had a nuclear family who loved me unconditionally and supported me even when they thought I was making bad decisions. My conversation with my mom on the phone when I told her that I was voluntarily allowing Sam to stay in the pool house for an additional week was a testament to how much my mother may have thought I lost my mind, yet, she still was there to support me and even had volunteered to come spend some of the time with me and the girls to help me out which I gratefully accepted her offer. Also, the little life growing in me was a constant reminder that I was about to experience the beauty of giving birth to another little person. A person who I already loved with all my heart, and I knew would love me because I truly believed that he recognized my voice and all the sounds he was hearing in my womb, he may not understand, but when I addressed him, sung songs to him, and read to him, I liked to think that he could sense the love I had for him.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thanks for sticking with this hard read. This chapter starts a little angsty, but there is happiness and then growth as more character development happens. Just two more chapters to go and hopefully by Sunday this story will be completed. I own nothing that is copyrighted by Glee or other sources. Please forgive all mistakes. I need a BETA now but I am going to allow you to see raw writing without much editing.**

Chapter Ten

I couldn't believe how fast the time kept rolling by. Since allowing the Evans family back into my life, I have had to adjust and go to therapy with them. The therapy was the hardest thing I had to do because I had to hear once again how Brittany's death affected the girls. During therapy, I discovered that the girls now had abandonment issues, and I was one of the reasons they were feeling abandoned. When Mary came back and Taylor Marie and Stacy moved back with their father to their home, all hell had broken lose. All the progress that they had made backfired. Sam went back to working hard daily, and he depended on his mother to provide a mother's love for his girls thinking that I had magically fixed them. He was more hands on with the girls, but the hair care, storytelling, and just spending quality time together was something he was uncomfortable with doing.

When Mary visited me at my job to join me for lunch for one day, she told me how the girls and Sam were regressing, and that she had gone to family therapy with them, and both the therapist and Mary agreed that I needed to attend some sessions with them and alone with Sam to deal with our issues. I refused to attend therapy sessions with Sam because I just wasn't there yet. But I did attend the sessions with the girls and him. Basically from the therapy and coaching, Sam and I realized that we had to share custody of the girls. I thought seeing them on the weekends when my mom would bring them with her to Findlay was enough, but apparently it was not. In order to make this work, the girls ended up spending Friday through Sunday with me in Findlay, and they spent Monday through Thursday night with Sam in Lima. We used social media and FaceTime to speak to the adult that did not have physical custody during this time so both us were viewed as abandoning them.

This arrangement was working out fine now that Sam was attending parenting class and able to learn how to be a better father. He asked his mother how to do the girls' hair, he read bedtime stories to them, cooked with them, helped them with homework, and just spent time with them on the ranch doing things that all three of them would enjoy. Stacy complained that he and Taylor Marie had the most fun together when they spent time on the ranch, but she would find Uncle Steve and help him take care of the ponies if what they were doing didn't interest her at all, or sometimes she would spend time with Mary.

We were all in a place of healing from Brittany's death, but the big question was how long were we going to continue to do this? The girls and I were becoming closer and closer, and they had given me a new nickname F.G-Mama in which F.G stood for fairy god. When we were out and about, people would give us the strangest looks because I was this pregnant black lady with two blond hair little girls calling her F.G-Mama. Some of the looks were hilarious, and others made me have to talk to the girls about prejudice.

During my 39th week of pregnancy, I thought that I was going to literally pop. The girls were a big help for me, and I ended up being the recipient of their care as getting up and doing basic things were so much harder for me. This was the first long weekend that the girls would not be staying with me in Findlay. It was my last day on the job for the 2016-17 school year, and I was just leaving my first baby shower with my mom, and I wouldn't be returning until after my baby was born. I had decided to sign my contract saying I would return in August, but I wasn't sure that I would be ready to leave my baby. My mom had already volunteered to babysit for free, if I was sure that I wanted to continue to work. I knew I could find no better child care provider than her, but that was a decision that I hadn't thought through yet.

Because my baby was so big, I was going to have to have a C-section, and Dr. Jordan wanted me to schedule it as close to my due date possible. My due date was on Tuesday, but I scheduled the Cesarean section for Monday morning. I chose to take nine weeks of maternity leave instead of the eight weeks that most teachers who have cesarean sections choose to have off of work. I didn't see any point in returning to work for the last week of school. My substitute had video lesson plans that I had recorded to show the classes, and I have left the music sheets for them to rehearse and perform.

Mr. Manley was going to combine the choirs for next year, so V.I.P. would be a part of the senior show choir. They just would not be performing at nationals. We had enough parent boosters and a choreographer who had already taken my place in helping them with the routine for this year. The only thing I had to do was pack up my room (something I had been doing all week; I think I was in the nesting phase of pregnancy) and attend the shower that I had registered for at Walmart, Target, and Babies "R" Us.

My mom had accompanied me to this shower to get all the things in the baby's nursery before I left for Lima for my second shower that she and Mary had planned. Since Mary had been back from the cruise, she and my mom had been busy planning the baby shower to end all baby showers. I just asked that they both be held the same day, so I wouldn't have to endure the games, thank you cards, and other things that accompany a shower. They both told me that Friday was not a good day to have a shower, so they convinced me to have it on Saturday afternoon.

So, I was the crazy woman who was set to have a shower on April Fool's Day. I tried not to complain as I grabbed all my bags that I was going to need. I was going to stay with my mom so that l would be able to heal from my C-section. Because of this, I had to bring my hospital bag, a diaper bag, the baby's car seat, a suitcase for staying with mom until I was all healed from the procedure, and a little baby backpack filled with everything my little boy would need. It was mostly filled with onesies, diapers, diaper wipes, powder, lotions, shampoos, diaper rash creams, pacifiers, and any other item I thought the baby might need that wasn't in his diaper bag.

On the way to Lima, my mom spent the majority of the time on her Bluetooth talking to Mary about the final arrangements for the shower. She was going to drop me off at the house, while she, Mary, Andrea, my nephews, and the girls were going to the community center that they had rented to decorate, and put the the cold foods into the refrigerator. I tuned them out thinking that having to go shopping for a dress to wear at a baby shower when I was almost 10 months pregnant was ridiculous, but the details the two were going over made me think that having an ice sculpture in the shape of the last ultrasound picture of the baby was even more ridiculous. All I wanted to do was to recline my seat back and go to sleep and pray that I had the strength to survive the April Fool's Baby Shower Hot Mess Affair.

My mother woke me up when she had taken everything in the house saying she didn't want to disturb me from my rest. I thought my daddy would be home in front of the television, but mom had him and my brother picking up even more supplies from Columbus. So, I had the house to myself, and I went to my bedroom that was set up with a bassinet, changing table, rocking chair, and all the things my mom had kept from when she was pregnant with me. There was a fear that coupled with the excitement that I felt about giving birth and bringing my son to my parent's home.

I had just finished using the bathroom for what felt like the fiftieth time that day that I noticed spotting in my panties. I had been feeling Braxton Hicks contractions all day none were long or intense enough for me to worry about going into labor. However I did notice I was having to pee a lot due to uterine contractions. I texted my doctor my symptoms just to make sure that what I was experiencing was normal, and I was waiting to hear back for him. I had called but he had a patient, and the nurse/receptionist insisted that I texted him to be sure everything was okay. Spotting and contractions were normal for my stage of pregnancy. While I was waiting to hear from Dr. Jordan, I was shocked to feel wetness between my legs and was in horror when I saw it was blood. I called my doctor who told me to get to the nearest hospital ASAP, and then I called my parents who were all too far away. I decided to call Stevie at the ranch because he was the closest and hoped that he would be able to come and immediately take me to the hospital as Dr. Jordan had instructed.

Instead of Stevie arriving to take me to the hospital like he promised, I was shocked to see Sam who came into my parent's house and got my bags and led me to the car he had left with the engine running. I tried to distract myself from my panic and asked him where Stevie was.

"Stevie is in Westerville with Madison and Meggie shopping for a gift for the baby. Madison has a friend who knits, and she wanted to give you the same blanket, hat, shoes, and hand gloves set that she had given the girls when they were born. While he was talking to you, Madison had called me and told me to come to get you ASAP."

I tried to keep him talking to keep my mind off the fact that I or my child could be in the risk of dying, so I asked him, "Will you please make sure that he is named Asher Bryant Jones-Evans?"

"You are going to give him my last name?" Sam asked looking stunned. When she refused to go to counseling with him, he thought that she was going to continue to give him limited access to his son.

"I wasn't going to at first, but I thought he should have the same last name of his sisters. Mary has let it slipped more than once, that he is her grandson. Your daughters are smart enough to know that if Asher is her grandson, then that means he's either their cousin or brother. We told the girls the truth because based on that last ultrasound, the only feature of mine that I could see that he had was my nose, and the rest of him including size is all you. On my mom's side of the family, there is an old wives tale, that whoever you are angry with when you are pregnant, that is who your child looks like." I kept rambling on trying not to think that I may not live to be able to take care my little boy who was going to be named after Brittany (Bryant) and a character off of one of my favorite TV shows (Asher). It also didn't hurt that the actor who portrayed him was one of my celebrity crushes. When I looked up the meaning of Asher in a baby book, its meaning blessed and happy, sold me on the name.

"I want Mary and you to have custody of him in case something happens to me. I love my mother and father, but they are too old to be raising a grandchild. My brother and your brother were my next in my thoughts, but I didn't think it would be fair to ask them to take our child when you were still alive, and I knew that Mary would love him as if he were her own son." I could tell by Sam's expression to my words that I had put him in a state of shock.

"Mercedes, please let's not talk about you dying. I don't think my heart or my daughters' hearts could take it if something happens to you, too. You always are telling us to have faith and believe. I choose to believe that you are going to be okay, and our son is going to be okay, too." Sam said with tears rolling down his eyes. This was the first time that I had referred to Asher as our child, and the first time he felt okay to say our son as well.

"I am trying to be optimistic in thinking my baby will live. I just also want to be realistic because I didn't leave a will, and I want all my wishes carried out. Promise me that you will do this Sam Evans. You owe me so much that you will never be out of my debt."

"I promise you that I will do whatever you ask me to do. I owe you the world Mercedes Jones. You have initiated the changes that I need to make in my life, and I needed therapy, so badly. I have never told you how much bitterness, resentment, hatred, and fear that I had as a result of my own relationship with my dad. I was slowly turning into him and couldn't even see it. Child neglect is as bad as physical abuse. Even though I would never hit my girls in anger, relying on others to take care of their needs is just as bad. I also hurt you even though we don't talk about it. But I finally reached the lowest level of my life, and I am doing better. My goals in life are to be best father in the world to my girls and to our son. I will not let my past shape my future, and I will do everything in my power to make sure that one day I can be a man that you will be proud of instead of afraid of."

"I am glad that you are healing. Hurt people hurt people. I will never forget that you hurt me, but I have moved on. Everything that has happened this summer and beyond has been a nightmare, but I do feel that I can't take much more Sam. I can't believe that I may lose Asher." I said as tears begin to fall out of my eyes and the realization of how critical my situation was could no longer be denied as we neared the hospital entrance. As soon as I was placed in the wheelchair, the doors of the emergency room opened and my mom and Mary were already there. They had left the children at the community center with Andrea who was undoing all the decoration and repacking the food.

My mom and Mary accompanied me while I was immediately taken to a room and checked by the doctor on duty. He ordered an ultrasound, and I was connected to all kinds of machines. The diagnosis that I eventually received was placental abruption. My doctor was on his way to perform the emergency C-section. The doctor on call was telling my mother, Mary, and I that my placenta had partially peeled away from the inner wall of my uterus causing my baby to be deprived oxygen and nutrients and this was causing my bleeding. I was immediately prepped for surgery, and Dr. Jordan arrived less than twenty minutes after my prep to perform the surgery.

All I can remember during this time was that I it was if I was having an outer body experience from the anesthesia. I felt like I could see everything that was happening to me, but I couldn't speak. My mom was the only person they allowed in the room for the C-section, and I felt badly that Mary had to leave, but I figured Sam would need his mom to comfort him and inform him on what was going on. For the first time, I didn't feel uncomfortable thinking about Sam or being in his presence. Life and death situations change your perception.

By the time I had come out of the anesthesia, my son was in an incubator in the corner of my room. I could hear him before I was able to focus on where he was. My mom, who had barely left my side, told me when I asked if he was okay, that Asher was born not breathing, and that his Apgar scores were three and nine. The doctors worked on him giving him a full-fledged resuscitation and then oxygen treatments. After five minutes, Asher was breathing on his own and no longer needed any additional supports. He was a healthy 9.4 lbs and 21.1 inches boy. My mom had made the decision to allow Mary, my dad, and Sam back to see the baby while I was under the anesthesia. They had taken pictures of the baby so that Asher's uncles, aunts, sisters and cousins could see what he looked like. I was so grateful when the nurse came back into the room and handed the fussy baby to me. Nobody had held him other than the nurses who gave him a bottle after weighing, measuring, cleaning, and diapering him.

When I held my baby boy with sandy brown curls and blue eyes that I was told would change, I couldn't believe that I had a son. As soon as I told the nurse that I was going to breast feed him, it didn't take long for him to latch onto my nipple. He was getting colostrum which contains antibodies to protect him against disease. I should have known from his size that my little man would be a big eater, and I reveled in the joys of being a first time mother while my own mother locked down on me in wonder. She told me how frightened she had been when Asher wasn't breathing. "It had to be the grace of God that I didn't have a heart attack. I was so glad that you called your doctor right away and was rushed to the hospital. You were only bleeding heavily for a short time, so you didn't need a blood transfusion."

I couldn't concentrate on anything my mom was saying, because all I could do was look at my son. I counted his fingers and toes and realized that if my dad and brother had not been told Sam was the father, they had to know now. My son looked just like his dad. At that moment, I could no longer hate Sam because I would be hating someone who looked like the love of my life. After feeding and attempting to burp him, Asher went back to sleep and my mom forced me to put him back inside the incubator. She was scolding me to prevent me from spoiling him already. Dr. Jordan came into the room and told me that I was recovering nicely, and I that I had a 50% abruption, so Asher was not completely starved of oxygen and nutrients. He explained that women who are older are more susceptible to having an abruption. I was almost forty and a first time mom. Other than the complications of Asher not breathing, he believed that Asher and I would be fine.

I went in and out of sleep as soon as the doctor left the room. During this time, I almost missed the big pow wow that occurred in my room between my mom, dad, and Sam who was holding his son for the first time. My mom did all the talking explaining that Asher was conceived by a drunken mistake and left it at that. Sam who could barely look my dad in the eye concentrated on holding his son and couldn't believe that I had allowed him the opportunity to do this. I hadn't been in my right mind with the anesthesia to know what I agreed to when asked. The doctors always told patients to not make decisions after coming out of anesthesia because you are just not that aware of your circumstances or consequences. All I know was that my mind was on my baby and being ecstatic that we both survived something that could have taken both of our lives if his daddy hadn't got us to the hospital on time.

The next day when I woke up, I realized that I had to go to the bathroom. I didn't feel comfortable using the bedpan, so my mom assisted me back and forth. My mom had been holding Asher when I woke up, and she had placed him in the incubator and had described to me everything that had happened when I was battling to remain awake. I asked for my baby as soon as I got back in the bed because he was fussy which meant he needed a diaper change or was hungry. I attempted to feed him again, and that was when Sam and Mary re-entered the room. As soon as Sam saw what I was doing he apologized and quickly left the room. Mary came in and waited until I finished feeding Asher and burped him, so she could get a chance to hold him again. Mary and my mother decided that this would be the best time to broach how in the world was I going to co-parent three children with Sam because I was in the best mood that I had been in since the summer. The love I felt for my son in the womb had multiplied in intensity when I nursed him and felt his warm soft body against my own.

"You know you and Sam need to go to therapy together. It's not just the girls any more. That man loves his son and his attachment to him is only going to keep growing stronger. You two are going to have to figure out how you are going to share custody because leaving him at Mary's for a few hours on Sunday is going to be a big disservice to you, Sam, and most importantly Asher." My mom said looking at me with concern in her eyes.

"I..." I was getting ready to refute everything she was saying, but then I looked at my son, and I realized I really had to move on and keep going further. Yes, the past happened, and it was the worst moment in my life, but I was stronger now. I had to be stronger for my son and for myself. I was no longer a victim, and I could do this. "Okay, we will see the therapist in Findlay together. I am not comfortable with my baby staying overnight, but he will be able to visit while we are living in Lima with you until I am healed. His pediatrician will be in Findlay, and we will schedule appointments for therapy that coincide with his visits." I finally relented thinking that somehow and some way we would be able to make this work.

"Mercedes, you are truly being more of a woman than your mother or I could ever be. We talk a good talk, but if the shoes were on the other feet, we don't know if we could do things you have done and continue to do. My son and I are willing to take the bare minimal when it comes to you because that is what he deserves for his actions. I also am to blame for the man my son grew up to be. I should have left his father a long time ago, yet I stayed and suffered verbal abuse and watched his father drown his disappointments in alcohol and take his anger out on my sons. Sam always lied for Stevie and took Stevie's punishments for himself. Back in the early eighties, not much information was readily available on abuse, but I suffered and caused my family to suffer. My relationship with my sons' father has kept me from dating anyone since his death over a decade ago. I have let my mistakes keep me from moving forward, and I apologize to you for not being the mother I should have been to my son." Mary began crying and couldn't finish. My mom took Asher from her and put him in his incubator.

Listening to the words Mary were saying gave me an insight that I needed to have on Sam. It also made me realize that everybody makes mistakes, and yes, some mistakes are so vile and disgusting that some people may never be able to forgive them and forge ahead, but nobody was perfect. I was far from perfect. I told Mary this, and I assured her the past was in the past. We were now officially family, and my son was going to need a grandmother that knew how to ask for forgiveness and most importantly forgive herself. Mary enveloped me gently in a hug and her tears washed over both of us causing me to cry as well. Finally my mom had enough and told us both to suck it up before we began wailing and wake up Asher.

The three of us spent a lot of time talking after I was released from the hospital. Mary spent everyday at my parents' house, and when the girls got out of school, Sam would bring them over so they could see their little brother. Sam would not say much to me other than greet me and ask how I was doing. I would answer him, but the focus of his attention was always Asher. I was now the most uninteresting person in the room when it came to Sam and his daughters. They were all in love with Asher, and I allowed them to have as much time with him as they wanted. At first I thought watching Sam holding Asher would make me want to be violently ill, but I saw the love and wonder he expressed as he looked at my baby, and I knew he would never intentionally hurt him. His love for his daughters and his son was something that even my father who still did not like the fact that we lied to him could not even deny.

The girls were out of school the following week for Spring Break, and I was doing physically better, so they spent most of their break with Asher and me. Mary would bring them over after lunch, and they would stay until dinner time. My mom complained constantly that we were spoiling Asher. I paid her no mind because she was the main person spoiling him. Even though I was physically better, she continued to treat us both like we were babies, and she didn't let me do anything but assist her in bathing and clothing Asher. I was glad that I was breastfeeding, or I would be afraid that she would insist on feeding him, too. Not that Asher was indiscriminate about trying to nurse from any female. He would root around for a nipple whenever an older female held him, and he was hungry. However, he quickly begin to use his sense of smell and realize that I alone was his source of his nourishment.

When it was time for his two week check up, Sam drove us to Findlay for our two appointments. I sat in the back with Asher, and the car ride was silent. I remembered the last time I was in an automobile with him, and that is when he was rushing me to the hospital. I remember telling him that I wanted him and Mary to raise Asher if something were to happen to me. I was just inside my head the entire ride. By the time we made it to the therapist, I felt if we couldn't even have a conversation in a car, how in the world were we going to get anything accomplished in our first joint session.

"Mercedes and Sam this is my first time seeing you two without the girls. I want you to both know that this is a safe place, and you two will be able to talk about anything in here without worry of recriminations. Sam has told me the unforgivable act that he did to you, so we don't have to discuss this unless you, Mercedes, feel the need to. I feel that when doing therapy where there has been physical and emotional damage that we shouldn't force you, Mercedes, to forgive Sam for what he did to you. We can only hope that acceptance will occur." Dr. Carter explained while we sat down on opposite ends of the couch with little Asher between us.

"Dr. Carter, I have accepted what happened and even forgiven Sam for what he did to me. I guess the main problem I have with him and trying to co-parent with him is trust. How can I trust that he won't get upset and turn to the bottle and drugs again and hurt someone else or even me again?" I asked the question that was burning in my brain. I knew more about Sam because of what his mother told me, but Sam and I had never communicated with each other, and I felt more comfortable asking the therapist the question that I could never gather the strength to broach with him.

"Mercedes, the truth is you will probably never fully trust him in that, and even if he made you promises that he would never do this again, I believe as part of our nature of being human and self-protective, you would never believe him if he made this promise." Dr. Carter answered before Sam could speak. "Sam, why don't you tell Mercedes, about other coping mechanisms that you have that will be able to prevent you from going to that dark place again?"

"I can never know what you felt when I did what I did to you, but it sickened me physically, emotionally, and mentally. To know that I could hurt someone who was innocent and turn into my father broke me. It broke me to the point that even now I can't stand the smell of alcohol. When my wife died, I could have turn to self-medication, but I didn't because I never want a substance to cloud my judgment and actions ever again. I have someone to call now when I am at my lowest and that is my brother. He is my accountability partner, and I need this, so I won't let guilt, hatred of myself, and regrets keep me from being the father to my children, son to my mother, and brother to him that I need to be."

"Mercedes, I have worked with Sam so that he is able to accept what he has done, and we have come up with alternatives that he can lean unto when he needs a crutch to stand. But neither he nor I can guarantee what the future holds, but we can all work together to make sure that Sam is capable of rearing all of his children in a healthy manner. I think for both of you that I am going to lead you in trust exercises to help foster trust." Dr. Carter said knowing that Sam still had communication problems, and what Mercedes wanted to hear and what he was saying were two different things.

"We won't have to do trust falls, will we?" I asked thinking that no matter how far along I had come, I had not come to the point that I wanted any physical contact between Sam and me.

"No, most definitely not. We have different exercises we can use to develop trust. I know that you wouldn't be comfortable touching Sam, and I don't think he would be comfortable touching you. We will also be working on communication and how to get you two to the point that you can communicate effectively, so you can co-parent effectively. If you two are ready to begin this session, I have a question for you both. I want you to tell me what you thought about each other when you first met each other?"

"We first met when I was too young to have a memory of him. The first vivid memory I have of him is when I threw up on him when we were children. I remember thinking he was kind because he was still nice to me after I did this. I thought of him as a classmate and as a friend who I sometimes played with at school." I confessed first.

"I was totally infatuated with her the first time I heard her sing. We had to sing for our Kindergarten graduation, and her voice was simple beautiful. I became almost obsessed with her voice. I would argue with her on purpose to get her to talk to me, and she was the first female who make me think that girls were not full of cooties. Even though I was mean to her, she was always so sweet and nice to me. I would pick fights with her, but unlike my dad, the next day she would still be nice to me and treat me as if I were her friend and this happened until I got older and dated her best friend."

"So, you both have always had an interesting relationship. Mercedes saw you as a friend, and you saw her as a girl you liked, but you two never dated right?" Dr. Carter asked wanting to clarify this fact.

"No, he dated all my white best friends though. However, I didn't know he liked me when we were younger, but I doubt if we would have ever dated. I was socially awkward, and he was the most popular boy in our high school. A romance between us just wouldn't have made sense."

"I pretended to hate her to deal with all the feelings of frustration I had because I wasn't brave enough to ask her out. My father made me feel like I was the lowest of the low, and I never had a high self-esteem. Mercedes has always had a high self-esteem, and I was slightly envious of her because she didn't do drugs and drink alcohol like the rest of us so-called popular people to have a good time. She was just perfect, and the older I got the more I resented her perfection. It wasn't until she reconnected with my late wife that I realized that I had stopped resenting and started appreciating her for being the awesome person that she is."

"I spent high school thinking he hated me, and I was always shocked when my mom and brother would tell me that Sam asked about me whenever he saw them in town. My mom says I built walls in high school to guard my heart because of the bullying I experienced there because of my weight."

"If I ask you both one word to describe each other now, what would that word be, you first Mercedes then Sam."

"Confusing," I said unable to think of one word to describe him or my feelings toward him.

"Wonderful," Sam said in a voice that sounded like it was filled with awe.

"Now tell each other why you chose that word," Dr. Carter prodded us to begin communicating with each other.

"Sam you are confusing to me because my heart and brain are in constant conflict when you are around. Your actions both past and present cause me to feel both anger and sorrow for you. You made me feel unforgivable hurt which made me have to depend on faith to be able to let what you did to me go so that it wouldn't consume me. I wanted to hate you forever, but now that I have a son who is almost your spitting image only in a darker hue, I can't hate you, but I still refused to put myself in any situation in which I could be made vulnerable to you. I trust you with the most important young people in my life, yet I can't trust you with me until you earn my trust, and I don't know if you will be ever able to do that. I don't know if I am that big of a person that my mother and your mother seem to think I am to even give you the opportunity to be someone that I can fully trust."

"Mercedes, I understand, and if the shoe was on the other foot and someone had did to our children, what I did to you, I would want to kill them. That is why I think you are wonderful. Your actions are those of someone who is able to move forward and put the past behind even when you have trust issues, you still allow me to play a role in our son's life and I know I don't deserve it, but I am and will be forever grateful that you gave me a second chance."

"I know you two may feel that we haven't accomplished much this session, but we have and will delve deeper and come to a place where you both can set goals so that you both can be able to benefit from these sessions. I am glad you brought Asher, and even though he has slept this entire session, I think it's important that you both come without him for the next few sessions." Dr. Carter told us as she ended the session and reminded us to confirm our next appointment with the receptionist on our way out of her office.

I spent the rest of the day in a retrospective blur. Asher was doing fine, and the pediatrician just told us both to keep what we were doing because our son was healthy. It felt strange going to a doctor's appointment with Sam, but watching him with Asher and having someone who felt the same things that I felt throughout the appointment allowed me to be able to see him not as my attacker but as my son's father. We even talked on the way back to Lima. The conversation wasn't earth shattering; it was mainly on the girls and Asher, but a little progress was made.

Our stilted conversation was interrupted when Sam received a call from the Pierces. I could tell by his responses that the Pierces found out my child was being referred to by their granddaughters as their brother, and I was being called their F.G-Mama. I wish I had not overheard any of the conversation Sam was having with his in-laws while he was turning into my parents' driveway. I knew that we hadn't talked about discussing Asher's paternity to anyone else in Lima. However, we hadn't told the girls not to tell anyone about their brother. I was not looking forward to having this conversation. And I knew we were going to have to have the conversation sooner rather than later.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

"We are going to have to have a talk with the girls. Apparently they are telling everybody at school about their F.G-Mama and their little brother Asher. Some people heard about Brittany's will and assumed that I divorced her before she even died and married you, and we coerced her to change her will to include what it did, so we wouldn't receive backlash from our friends and family. Another rumor is that I moved you in to replace Brittany, and we quickened her death by making her too depressed to fight the cancer. We are the reason she gave up on living because I had fallen in love with you. The Pierces are very upset that we are tarnishing their daughter's memory by making her a fodder for malicious gossip and not allowing them to have peace. I believe that the Pierces are making this up because the contents of the will were not public knowledge. Brittany's parents are the only ones who could have instigated that supposed rumor."

I was flabbergasted. How could the Pierces spread and/or make such ridiculous rumors. If only they knew the truth, I thought before looking down at my son who was stirring from his nap now that the car was no longer moving. "Can we take this inside? I think Asher needs a diaper change, to be fed, and some time in his swing, so we can finish this ridiculous conversation." I said as I got out of the car, and I waited for Sam to get Asher and the car seat out of the backseat of the automobile.

After we walked in the house and I noticed that both my parents were gone, I led Sam into the great room while I took Asher to my room to change and feed him. After I finished burping him, I brought him into the great room and put him in his favorite place, his swing. I sat down beside Asher on my dad's recliner which was across from Sam.. "Now, you are telling me the Pierces called you with that crazy mess of lies for what purpose?" I asked not understanding their motivation.

"They want me to get the girls to stop calling you F.G-Mama, and Asher their baby brother. They are also upset that the girls spend more time with you than they do with them. They are threatening to make life difficult for me here in Lima if I persist in denying them access to my daughters."

"If the girls calling me F.G-Mama is grating their nerves so badly, we can tell the girls to only call me this when we are at home because some people are not able to understand what it means and won't know the history behind the nickname." I said letting Sam digest all of this before continuing. "What are we going to do about the girls telling people Asher is their brother?"

"I don't want to teach or encourage my children to lie, even if it's a lie to protect us. Asher is their brother, and I don't want them to have to deny their relationship. Besides if you look closely, he and Stacy resemble each other, and I can see the two looking more like each other as Asher gets older. People are going to recognize he's my son, the older he gets. My mom and your mom are going to want to show people pictures, and soon, people will assume that I may or may not be his dad."

"How about we don't ask the girls to lie, but we tell them that we keep our home life our business. What goes on in our homes is not for their school or their grandparents to know. If they are asked questions, they are to tell people to ask you their dad. I think that is the best way to handle some of this for now."

"Are you willing to tell people eventually the half-truths that were told to your father and brother? That basically we were drinking to cope with Brittany's illness and hospital stay and one night had too much and somehow ended up accidentally sleeping together?" Sam asked looking at me knowing that this was a taboo subject for me. When he didn't see a response, he continued, "If we do I think we can leave out the part that I forgot all about that night in question and didn't suspect that I was Asher's dad until much later believing the insemination story that you concocted so that Brittany and our families wouldn't have to know what we did when we were out of our minds drunk."

"I am not saying we tell anyone that story because it's a lie, and I am grateful that my dad said that we would never bring it up again because I hate being dishonest with him. He still blames you though for everything because he can't see me even drunk cheating with my dying friend's husband. He says alcohol makes a woman more amenable to sex, but in men it just reveals their hidden desires. So, you still need to be wary of my father. I am never telling anyone else the truth behind Asher's conception because I feel people will judge him based on his beginnings. This would be unfair to my son. My son is my top priority not even my dad and brother come close. Getting back to your original question, I am not going to tell anyone that I was not inseminated. I am still a textbook virgin, and I can get my doctor's records to prove this fact. So, we can continue with the insemination story that is already considered fact, and if anybody notices the resemblance or guesses the truth that Asher is your son, we will tell them that you insisted that we use your sperm, and that is all that needs to be said on that subject. I don't want anyone to think that we ever voluntarily shared a bed. That is just too nasty and too disrespectful to Brittany's memory and my peace of mind."

"We are going to have to tell our brothers and our parents that we are going to continue to tell people that Asher is the result of insemination. When people ask or figure out that I am his dad, then and only then will I admit to providing the donor sperm for you in exchange for having partial custody of him." Sam said realizing and then admitting to me that he was the reason for all the lies, subterfuge, and harassment that I and his and her family were having to tell and endure.

"I chose to have Asher, and I am choosing to allow you in his life. So, stop trying to take the entire weight of blame for this situation. Yes, you made a horrific mistake. Yes, there are going to be consequences from your terrible act, and yes, we are going to have to work together to make sure all of our children are loved and well cared for. You are not perfect, and I am not either. We are both going to make mistakes, but we can't let the Pierces take away our joy or even attempt to take away our girls."

"So, you think that they are going to eventually try to get custody of them?"

"Well, Sam in their eyes, I am not a blood relative, but your daughters want to spend more time with me than they do them. They are hurt, and hurt people hurt people. You should know this more than anyone else. What the Pierces can't see is that the girls still need me in their lives, and I refuse to allow them to use these nasty tactics to emotionally blackmail us into letting them get their way. Mary and you should sit down and talk with them and try to get this resolved ASAP. When they talk to you, don't get angry and say things that will only solidify their desire to hurt you and keep you from your daughters. With their rumors and your past actions, the Pierces could have a chance at winning a custody case. So, you need to nip all of this in the bud."

"Will, you come to the meeting with us?" Sam asked thinking if only the Pierces got a chance to know Mercedes that they wouldn't feel so slighted that the girls preferred her to the them.

"Are you crazy Sam Evans?" I asked before continuing, "that would just be adding the gasoline to the fire. In two weeks, I will be moving back home as a single parent. I don't need the additional stress of the Pierces in my life. The girls are going to have spend some more time with their grandparents, and our arrangement is going to have to be altered because I am not allowing my son to stay in Lima without me."

"I don't know how the girls are going to react to your moving back to Findlay and having to spend more time with their grandparents and less time with you. I also don't know how I am going to feel not seeing Asher everyday. I knew intellectually that you would be going back home and eventually back to work, but I guess I just conveniently chose to not dwell on the thoughts." Sam admitted going to the swing and getting his son out and holding him close to his chest.

"Well, I can't put my life on hold and give up everything that I have worked hard for just to be here for your girls and so you can see your son. I am thinking that the Pierces should see the girls every other weekend, and you will all get to see Asher every Sunday and every weekend the girls are not with the Pierces."

"So, I will get to see him when I dropped the girls off to you and when I come and picked them up. I know I should be grateful for that amount of time, so I won't complain, but it is going to take a level of adjustment for the girls and I to go from seeing you and him almost everyday to our new arrangement." Sam said sitting down with Asher who did not got to sleep like I thought he would when placed in the swing.

"You could spend some nights at the pool house when you bring the girls on Saturdays. I know you have horse shows and business trips, and you won't be able to spend every other weekend in Findlay, but the weekends you are not traveling, you can sleep in the pool house and be able to spend time with him and the girls." I said thinking it wouldn't be any worse than it was when he stayed at the pool house when Mary was on her cruise.

Sam's face showed his relief at my invitation, and he accepted it graciously promising not to take advantage of my kindness any more than he already was. When Asher finally fell asleep, I took him from Sam and told him to call me when he had met with the Pierces. Then and only then would we finalize any future arrangements. Sam gently kissed Asher on the forehead before handing him back to me. I locked the door behind him and continued to my room to put Asher in his bassinet. When my parents returned, I told them about the Pierces' phone call, and what Sam and I had decided to tell people if they guessed Asher was his son. My parents agreed with our decision and my dad grumbled something about giving Sam a dental drill vasectomy before heading to the table. My parents had been to the their senior center and had gotten our dinner from Breadstix on their way home.

When Sam and the girls came over the next day, I was ignored as usual as they went immediately to Asher. I was glad that he was fed, burped, cleaned, and able to tolerate the constant attention they were giving him. Asher was a good baby according to my mom, but she said that our actions were going to create a litte monster because he was going to constantly demand attention. I didn't care about my mother's concerns because until I returned to work, I should be able to give him all the attention he wanted. Holding, rocking, and loving on my baby gave me peace and happiness when dark thoughts of my rape or Brittany's death would begin to resurface in my mind. I think Asher did the same thing for his dad and his sisters. They couldn't be sad about Brittany's death when they had a little brother to love and dote on.

Because Sam had to go out of town to a horse show, he thought leaving the girls with the Pierces over the weekend would soften them up when he and Mary would meet with them that Sunday when they were going to bring the girls back to the ranch. However that was not the case, the girls constantly complained about being bored at the Pierce's home with nothing to do but watch television and listen to their grandmother compare them to Brittany. Whenever the girls did something like their mother or said something their mother used to say, their grandmother would gush and say they were just like their mother. Whenever the girls did or said something that was opposite of Brittany, their grandmother would berate them and say that if their mother were alive, she would be so disappointed in them.

The girls had been told before the left the Evans Ranch to not talk about me and Asher, so when their grandparents would question them about us, they would anger their grandparents even more by ignoring them or changing the subject. The entire visit made the girls want to spend less time with their grandparents, and the couple would overhear the two saying they wished they were at the Jones' home with F.G-Mama and Asher many times when the two thought they were alone.

According to Sam this didn't bode well at all for the conversation that the Pierces had with him and Mary. The Pierces were angry and resentful that their granddaughters didn't want to spend time with them. They were blinded to the fact that it was their behavior that drove the girls away from them. When Mary tried to rationalize with them, that is when their true opinions came out concerning the Evans and Sam's side piece and love child. They said that if Sam continued to spend so much time on the road instead of in Lima taking care of his daughters, that they were going to sue for custody. They listed all Sam's past sins and the fact that he basically gave them custody after Brittany died as grounds for their potential suit. Mary argued that she would always be there to help Sam with the girls, and this was not necessary, but the Pierces felt that she was as much to blame about the girls dependency on Mercedes as Sam was. The couple left in a huff, and that is when Sam and Mary found out how miserable the girls were during their weekend stay with their grandparents.

"Mercedes, I know with my past actions that I may not even seem fit to have custody of my girls in your opinion, but I promise you that I will do anything to keep the Pierces' toxicity away from my girls. My mom was finally able to put the two to bed promising them that everything was going to be fine in the morning, but they were crying hysterically when they overheard the Pierces as they were shouting at me before they left blaming me and you for Brittany's death. We are going to have to go to an emergency family therapy session on tomorrow which is not our scheduled time because the Pierces constant comparison of the girls to Brittany and their accusations have done a number on them. Do you mind coming with us?" Sam asked sounding harassed over the phone.

"Sam I don't know why they think that because of us Brittany gave up her will to live and because of that we are responsible for her death. No rational mind could think a person suffering from cancer the way their daughter suffered could come to that conclusion. I wouldn't be surprised if Brittany told her intentions of me being a part of her girls' lives to her parents before she died and before adding what she did to her will. I think they feel hurt that she trusted me as being their guardian over them instead of them her parents. They are obviously suffering from grief and need counseling themselves. I truly believe deep in my heart that all they are saying is a bunch of hot air, Sam. No judge in this country or social agency would ever give those two more access to the girls after what happened this weekend." I said pausing to get my breath before continuing.

"The girls are old enough to say whether or not they want to spend more or less time with their grandparents and a judge will ask them this very question. The only way they can get custody is by proving you are an unfit parent, and the fact that you are in therapy with them, have taken parenting classes, and are a capable father will blow any chances they have of proving this. Yes, you travel, but the girls can stay with their Aunt Madison, Grandmother Mary, and the Pierces when you are out of town, so the Pierces have no legal leg to stand on, and it goes without question that I will go with you all to therapy tomorrow. I would do just about anything for those two girls."

"We all know that legally they may not be able to hurt me, but they have insinuated how the gossip of our relationship and son will affect our families. Your family is a very respected family in Lima, and the Pierces' rumors concerning us can have an adverse effect on our lives. You are a school teacher, and I know that a bad reputation can affect your employment. I have already caused you enough damage, I don't want you and your family suffering because of my vengeful ex in-laws." Sam said thinking just how ugly it could get. He didn't want to deal with the rumors of him cheating on his wife or causing her to die prematurely.

"Sam the only person I could see their rumors affecting would be EJ and his family. My parents are at the age that they could care less what people think about them. They have their friends who would never believe those lies, and their quality of life wouldn't change. However EJ may have to deal with his patients gossiping about me, but the people who go to Jones Family Dentistry are not the type of people who hang around the Pierces. Furthermore, if the rumors make it to Findlay, I haven't broken any laws or done half the things that the teachers and even administrators have done in that school, so I am sure my job is secured. I don't believe anyone who knows me would believe that I had an affair with you. I think all of you need to calm down and allow the Pierces to grieve properly for their daughter, and someone related to them needs to suggest counseling for the couple. Brittany always said her parents were so laidback and cool. I never knew they could be this vindictive, but grief does change a person if it is not processed appropriately."

"Only you would try to justify the Pierce's actions and their harmful words. I don't know how one person can be so understanding and forgiving. Sometimes I think that you are not really human." Sam said and when he heard Asher's cry, he quickly said goodbye to me knowing that by the intensity of his son's cries that only my tender loving care would be able to soothe him.

I had left Asher with my mother at my house and met the Evans at the therapist office the following day. After talking to the therapist and the girls we were able to be honest with them and tell them that there was no way that we could have had anything to do with Brittany's death. Sam read to them some of Brittany's will to convince Stacy and Taylor Marie that their mother trusted me to take care of them, and that she was not mad at him or me. The girls told the therapist that they didn't want to spend time with their Grandparents Pierce, and when they described what happened during the visit, the therapist suggested that only supervised visits would be acceptable until the Pierces were agreeable to join the girls in therapy to re-establish trust in their relationship. She told Sam and I this while the girls were feeding the goldfish that were located in the waiting area. The therapist was concerned about the possible custody battle, and she assured us that she would be willing to testify to keep the Pierces from gaining custody. When we left the therapist office the girls and Sam wanted to follow me to my house, so they could see Asher, and I allowed them to do so.

When Asher was a month old, I felt like I was capable of taking care of him by myself because I was barely bleeding, moving quicker, and I was able to walk longer distances. So, I decided to move back home with him, and my mom being the overprotective mother that she was convinced me to allow her to stay with me until he was six weeks old. Dr. Jordan had given me a clean sweep of health, but he too wanted me to take it easy because he liked my mom believed in the full six weeks recovery that most women who had C-section needed to have to fully recuperate. Because I never did have a baby shower, Mary and my mom decided to throw Asher a month old celebration in which the people who were invited to the shower could come and see him and bring presents. They had decided to do this when Asher was a couple of days old, and they didn't tell me until a couple of days before the event.

We were all sitting around enjoying the little party when to everybody's surprise the Pierces arrived. I didn't know that Mary had invited them to my baby shower. I surely hadn't thought she had invited them to my child's celebration. The couple came in, and I immediately told my mom to tell Mary to tell them to leave because they were not welcome here. I could imagine the looks on Stacy's and Taylor Marie's faces when they saw their grandparents here while they were playing with their little brother.

"No, Mary we were invited to this little affair over a month ago, and I don't see why we have to leave." Whitney Pierce said looking like she had taken more than a few gulps of liquid courage to be at the event.

"Just look, Whitney, at our little angels over there with that child." Pierce Pierce said looking at his step-grandchildren with disdain.

"So, Mercedes you couldn't be happy just taking my daughter's husband from her, you had to not only take her daughters, but you had to have a little bastard of your own with him as well. You can't replace my daughter! You can't take over her life. You will never be as pretty, kind, and a good mother like her, so you might as well stop trying." Whitney said while getting all up in my face.

I had to take deep breaths and used all the techniques my therapist had given me because I was about to choke the life out of the deranged woman. Before I could say a word, Madison beat my mother and Mary to the punch and slapped Whitney so hard that the sound rang throughout the building. "You listen here you vindictive witch. Who spent the most time with Brittany and her daughters before she died? Was it you or your husband? Hell no, it was this woman right here Mercedes Jones. She gave up her life to be out there on that ranch to take care of your grand-daughters for nothing but love for your daughter. I wasn't super close with Brittany, but I do know this one thing, if she were alive right now, she would be devastated to see her own mother hurting a woman she saw as her sister. Mercedes and Brittany may not have been related by blood, but those two were almost inseparable in high school and before her death, and furthermore, Mercedes has never wanted anything to do with Sam Evans. Believe me if she wanted him, she could have had him decades ago, and your own daughter spent so much time trying to fix them up that she even mentioned it in her will, so stop acting like you don't know this. And stop spreading your vicious lies. If you would have been around, you would have seen that those two barely acknowledged each other. I was not around them a lot, but even I knew Mercedes would barely tolerate Sam's presence. My dad is a lawyer, and I will hire him myself to sue you for defamation of character if you utter any more of these lies again. Now begone you old drunken biddy before I forget my own daughter is present and stomp a new hole in your behind."

I couldn't tell you who was the most shocked at Madison's actions and defense of me. We all just stood there with our mouths wide open during her entire diatribe. I looked over to the girls to see if they were being further traumatized by this display, and I was happy to see that they were showing off Asher to Meggie and ignoring the adults as they showed him the toys they had all bought for him. They only looked up when the room grew silent after Madison finished talking.

"I think it's for the best that you and Pierce leave Whitney." Mary said looking so hurt and angry that I hoped the Pierce didn't mistake her soft words for passive aggressive behavior. Mary looked as if she could hurt Whitney, and my own mom was calling on the name of the Lord to prevent her from going to jail because she was about to cut a witch calling out her daughter and calling her grandson a bastard.

When Whitney heard my mom, she realized that she had made the worst mistake a woman could make criticizing another woman's child and grandchild in front of all their family and friends. Andrea had come up as well as the females in her family and they were building a protective circle around me. Whitney let out a hurt and cornered animal noise and Pierce who had peed on himself didn't know what to do. When Mary latched on to Whitney's arm and began dragging the heavier woman to the door, Pierce looked up and hurriedly began to follow the two out of the door.

Madison had gotten the girls' attention on going into the storage closet for a mop and water to distract them from seeing the Pierces being led out. Everybody was super quiet so they could try to hear what Mary was saying to the Pierces. Some words like Brittany's drug abuse being inherited was overheard as Mary threatened to reveal Whitney's abuse of pills and alcohol to everyone if she tried ever again to confront any of her children which included Mercedes and her grandchildren which included Asher. Mary appeared to issue more threats and promises as she had Pierce open the car door, and Mary pushed Whitney inside the vehicle and slammed the car door.

Madison had led the crowd gathered in a standing ovation when Mary Evans entered the community center's main hall. I had never felt so embarrassed and yet supported in my life. I knew my mom and Andrea would always have my back, but to witness Mary and Madison of all people defending me made me a little emotional. The pills and alcohol comment that Mary made stuck in my brain. Whitney apparently had been drinking and pill popping to cope with Brittany's death. It was like a sad song on repeat for all involved. If Brittany never had her addiction, then Sam would have never found those pills and gotten blasted and raped me. I hated the fact that most of the pain in my life was caused by people who chose to escape in way that brought more pain than the healing that they were searching after.

My mom got everybody back in the festive mood when she thanked Mary and Madison for the entertainment. She apologized to the guests and asked them to pray for the Pierces while they dealt with the loss of their daughter. She then told everyone there that even though my son was born out of wedlock it was not through adultery or premarital sex, so therefore, she didn't see her grandson as a bastard, and even if he were, she wouldn't be ashamed, and she wouldn't tolerate anyone stigmatizing him. She thanked everyone for coming, and encouraged them to take as much cake as the could home before ending the party singing a song that she had written especially for Asher.

Asher recognizing his grandmother's voice and his song perked up and gave a gummy smile that couldn't be mistaken for a reflex or gas. He was enjoying his song and the attention he was now getting from everyone at the party and not just his sisters and cousins. I held him closer to his grandmother as she always finished the song by giving his belly a big kiss which he loved. All of the guests minus the Evans and the Jones were gone not long after the end of the song. Andrea had called EJ and Madison had called Sam and Stevie, and now the family was left cleaning the building and putting all of Asher's gifts in every car. When the children were off playing, Andrea told everyone what had happened and the three men looked as if they were ready to kill the Pierces. My mom saw their expressions and their disdain, and she tried to nip it in the blood by telling the trio how Madison and Mary handled everything, and they needed to take a chill pill. Asher agreed by choosing to use that moment to give his feed me mommy wail.

While I was on my way to feed Asher in a private space, I could hear someone following me. I was surprised to see it was Sam. Sam always tried to distance himself from me whenever I was nursing. "What do you want Sam?" I asked as I was growing impatient because Asher's cries made my milk come down and I was in danger of having leaking nipples.

"Do you mind using a blanket to cover up, I need to talk to you privately about something?" He asked handing me a blanket that had come from Asher's car seat.

"Sure just turn around and give me a moment to get him latched on." I said not caring who saw me do that as long as I could get my hungry baby fed. "You can turn around now." I told him as soon as the blanket shielded my body from Sam's eyes.

"I was afraid something like this was going to happen. Mercedes, I am just glad I wasn't here because I would have been locked up. Like Madison said, you of all people should not be attacked, and our son should not be attacked and called out of his name either. I know you are going to refuse, and I don't expect you to accept, but I got to do what is in my heart and my part to make sure that nobody else has a reason to go after Asher like this again. What I am trying to say is that I want you to marry me in name only. I want Asher legitimized, and then you can have the marriage annulled after you have legally adopted Stacy and Taylor Marie. I only want you to adopt the girls if you would like to, just in case something happens to me, I don't want the Pierces ever getting custody of them. We won't even have to tell people we are married. I just think it is the only way for you to be able to have legal custody of the girls, and for our son to not be called a bastard again." Sam explained not meeting my eyes once through his so-called proposal.

"I am glad you chose this time to bring up such a ridiculous proposal. I have to stay calm while nursing him or he will notice the change in my body, and the sounds he will make are ones you are just not ready to experience. I would have to be crazy to consider a proposal of a marriage of convenience with a man who has caused me more hurt that words can express. Even though I have forgiven you, you took something from me that can never be given back. I don't think I am capable of even saying the words of any vows to you in a church, Vegas, or a courthouse. I am not going to say no now like you would expect and like I long to do with every fiber of my being. But I am going to think about it and weigh the pros and cons. If I do lose my mind and agree to marry you, then you have to promise me that you won't use it to try to get custody of my son. I think you are afraid that my moving back to Findlay will affect how much you will see him, and you will use our annulment to try to be able to have joint custody of him, and I will not allow this Sam Evans, I will make the Pierces look like harmless flies in comparison to how I will behave if you try to manipulate me for your own agenda."

"I don't expect you to marry me. I don't believe in my wildest dreams that you would allow me to ever touch you nevertheless join your name with mines just for legality purposes only. However, I will sign any and all papers that you require and promise with my whole heart that I will accept whatever custody arrangements that you desire when dealing with my access to my son. I trust you, and I know that you are a woman of great caliber, strength, and understanding. If you do agree to the marriage of convenience, I will compensate you in any way you desire. You won't have to return to work. I will pay for all of your household needs, and I will buy your home for you and pay the taxes and insurance, so that you and my son will always have a home besides Evans Ranch. I am willing to do whatever it takes to get you to agree."

After I finished feeding Asher, I let the blanket fall on me and gave Asher to Sam so he could burp him. I turned around and finished putting myself back right before facing him. I didn't know what to say. A tiny small part of me wanted to actually agree to his proposal stipulating that we never tell anyone of the marriage, never live together, and get an annulment as soon as the adoption was legalized. However, a huge part of my psyche warred with the thought of being married to him. I knew I was going to have to make a decision, but I wished he had never asked me to marry him, putting me in this no-win predicament. The girls would be my daughters, and they could live with me in Findlay and could have limited exposure to their grandparents. I could still be a vocal choir coach and work with the glee clubs, without having to have a babysitter and be able to stay home the first four years of Asher's life like my mom did with me when I was a child. These were all reasons that a marriage in name only could work out for my good.

But Sam Evans did an unspeakable thing to me. It hadn't quite been a year ago since I was afraid of him, I hated him, I wanted to kill him, and I climbed out of a window to avoid him. I still had nightmares starring him. These were all the reasons that I would have to be certifiably insane to even consider marrying him. I was truly conflicted and didn't know whether I would accept his proposal or tell him to kiss my big, black butt and don't let the door hit him where the good Lord had split him for even suggesting that I consider his proposal.

 **A/N: I don't own anything related to Glee. I do want to once again thank everybody for bearing with me and reading this tale of hurt and pain. This chapter did not go as planned, and when I started the story, Sam's attack of Mercedes never got as far as it did in my imagination. However, my muse sent the story in that direction and has me writing things that were not part of my original outline based on real life events. The scene in this chapter featuring Madison Evans also was never originally a part of this story. So, just know that words flowing from my fingers to my keyboard sometimes bypass my brain. The girls did hear everything that happened but have become masters of blocking out painful things to be able to survive and Asher is there being the beauty of the story to protect them from this vile scene. Thanks again for the continual support, reviews, encouragements, and follows. I was initially not going to read any reviews because this was not a work in progress but half way finished and I didn't want to upset readers by ignoring their observations because I was not going to make the story lovey dovey and filled with sex scenes when it's not a romance. But I am glad I read the reviews because Who pointed out something in her last review that I needed to clarify. So, if you read something in this chapter that doesn't sound right or is questionable please let me know, I don't have a beta, so I may have made more mistakes than my spell check and grammar check could find.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I had to posted these as separate Chapters 12-13 because it ended up being over 11,000 words. Thanks to Who who provided a lot of inspiration for various parts of this update. One day I may be inspired to revisit and extend this story, but I was thinking of parts that have been left out and will be left out because of time. I have no time I stay up late and wake up early trying to complete this. My family is mad at me now for neglect. Thanks for all of you who review and give me your opinions. I value them and I try to stay true to the story even with all of your insights. I would be sued if I said I owned a chunk of this work. I don't own anything taken from Glee, Who knows TV, and any other website that I copied and pasted from. Thanks for all you who have followed and favorite. We are getting to the end of the road. Please excuse the mess, if any of you want to correct it, please PM me.**

Chapter Twelve

Part One

It has been officially one year since the date that I went to visit Brittany on the Evans Ranch. And I guess I can admit that after many sleepless nights, and after realizing that a marriage on paper couldn't hurt me, I decided to accept Sam's awkward proposal. Not because I wanted my son to no longer be called a bastard because my Asher was a person, who couldn't be defined by a word, but because of my love for Stacy and Taylor Marie. I knew that everybody was trying to get me to bend to their wills by using the girls to control my actions. This didn't work of course, because if I was unhappy, I couldn't be a good mother to those girls or my own son. So, it took another classmate's death in a traffic accident for me to realize that I really felt it was best if something happened to Sam that the girls would live with me. They already called me F.G-Mama, and in my opinion, they could continue to call me this not knowing that I was legally considered to be their stepmother; and after the adoption and annulment, I would still legally be their mother. Even though I know we wouldn't tell the girls that Sam and I were married, I did want to tell them that I had adopted them because I loved them just as much as I loved Asher.

I decided to adopt them for me not because it was what Brittany would have wanted, what Sam wanted, or because their grandparents Whitney and Pierce wouldn't have wanted me to. I will admit that going through with the marriage and adoption also gave me a perverse thrill in thinking that the Pierces would never get their hands on my girls. Stacy and Taylor Marie loved Asher and me unconditionally and had already considered us as their F.G-Mama and baby brother. Sometimes Stacy would slip and call me Mama, and I wouldn't correct her. I would just ignore the slip because I didn't want her to feel badly about calling me Mama. When Asher and I moved to Findlay, the tears streamed down their faces. It was gut wrenching to watch them realize that they wouldn't see us every day any more. Every night I was tormented with dreams of them crying for me, and when I would call Mary to check on them, she would tell me that they were okay but far from happy. They knew that they were going to get to see Asher and me on Fridays, and in order to do this, they were going through the motions because they didn't want to get in trouble and be forbidden from coming to Findlay to spend the weekends with Asher and me .

I didn't even bother to call Sam and tell him yes when I decided to marry him. Instead, I texted him that we were to meet with lawyers and draw up all the necessary paperwork and become on paper and on paper only married. I felt sick after texting him. Mentally, spiritually, intellectually, and physically I was okay with my decision, but emotionally, I still felt as if I was making the worst decision of my life. I decided that I was going to keep the marriage a secret from everyone not even telling the girls or my parents. The girls would not be able to keep the secret, and my mother would forbid me from marrying a man that I didn't love and who had hurt me so. I would only tell my own therapist because I knew that I would need additional sessions after I committed the act of fake matrimony to just make it through some days.

I became a June bride in the most unromantic ceremony in the history of Hancock County Municipal Court. The judge married us and looked shocked as we agreed to the 15 second marriage in the hallway instead of waiting in line with the rest of the people gathered that day to be married. We exchanged simple vows at the same time, and then we were married. After leaving the courthouse, Sam went back to Lima to work, and Asher and I went back home. I didn't feel any different being "married" to Sam. It wasn't a traumatic experience as I had thought. Sam decided to do all of our paperwork in Findlay and not Lima because we didn't think anyone would accidentally find out we were married by going through the public records of my county of residency. In Lima, I could see the Pierces finding out through relatives or just people who may have even worked in the courthouse. So, all of our legalities were being taken care of in the Hancock County court system.

The first thing I did after marrying Sam was file a Petition for Adoption for Stacy and Taylor Marie, and with Sam having already signed a written form consenting to the adoption, the next step that I had to take to become the girls' mother was to have an assessor assigned by the court visit my home. I was so glad that the girls' room now had duplicates of the things they had in their home on the ranch. Instead of packing up rooms, we quickly decided that it was more feasible to just decorate the girls' room in my house with similar items. The only thing that we were going to have to do was move some of Sam's items in my bedroom to make it seem like a man actually lived there as well. I was feeling confident that we would be able to fulfill the requirements of the adoption with little stress and worry until I continued to read all the requirements for adoption in the state of Ohio for a stepparent.

Once the court had the assessor's opinion about the suitability of my home, I had to obtain a medical report from my doctor, a criminal background check with fingerprinting, and letters of references from my employer, friends, and pastor. I didn't know how I was going to get these letters without informing these people of the adoption and my marriage. It would be easy to explain to my principal and vice principal that I was not looking for a job, but that I was married and wanted to adopt my husband's daughters. I didn't have to give them Sam's name; I could just get them with little difficulty to write and then mail the letters in the self-addressed and postage paid envelopes to the probate court.

However, I couldn't tell my friends and pastor the reason for the letters. If I told them that I was married, they were going to want to know why I eloped, and why I didn't have a bridal shower and the wedding that my mother dreamed of giving me. Once my friends and pastor knew that I was married, then my mother and Mary would soon find out as well. I didn't realize this before I married Sam. I could understand the requirements for having to submit medical reports and criminal background checks that included fingerprinting, and I was willing to do that and more. But letters of reference when I was married to one of the parents was something that I didn't factor in having to give. I thought a social worker or assessor would visit my house, check my bank account, and maybe talk to my current principal and former employers to determine that I had an impeccable work history in working with children.

The more I read the requirements for the adoption, the more I realized that not only would I have to tell certain adults that we were married, but I would also have to tell the girls. The girls could not keep a secret to save their lives. The girls, Sam, and I would have to be interviewed during the hearing that the court would conduct to consider the best interests of the girls. It wouldn't be until after the hearing, that the court would issue a decree of adoption. The judgment entry may be temporary which means that the decree will become final automatically after six months. In some cases, the court may simply issue a final decree at the conclusion of the hearing.

Once I finished reading and then re-reading all this information, tears fell down my face. I had married Sam with one intention in mind and one intention alone and that was to adopt Stacy and Taylor Marie. Now it seems that I wasn't going to be able to do this. I just couldn't see telling my mother and my father that I had married Sam. Even when we told them the truth behind the marriage, I knew that both of them were going to be disappointed in me. Their disappointment will be in the fact that I married Sam without telling them and had planned to keep it a secret from them forever. I was not looking forward to the confrontation that I was going to have with our families once we reveal what we did and why we did it.

I had to call Sam and explain to him everything that I had discovered. He listened to me patiently and decided to come back to Findlay when he heard the tears choking my voice. When he got to my house, I had tried to calm myself down and not demand an immediate annulment. I asked him to come into the kitchen where I had been boiling some chamomile tea to calm my frazzled nerves. I offered him a cup which he accepted, and we sat down to talk.

"Mercedes, I don't want to put more on you than you can bear. Your tears made me realize that is was unfair for me to use the girls to get you to do something that you really didn't want to do. I have decided that we are just going to have to annul the marriage, and I will do whatever it is that I have to do to make sure that even though you won't be the girls adopted mother, you are their family, and if it anything happens to me, I will leave in my will that I want you to have custody of them."

"Sam, it's not just that easy. Yes, it would be simple to go and get an annulment because I refuse to consummate the marriage, but we got married for a reason, and that reason was for the girls to be my daughters. Right now legally they are my stepdaughters, but I still want to adopt them. I was crying because I realized just how much my heart was set on us becoming a family. I want the girls to grow up with their brother, and even though we were going to split custody and handle visitations fairly after the annulment, I never planned on giving you an annulment until you found someone else to marry. I was wrapping my mind around having you live in that pool house until Asher was old enough to stay weekends and every other holiday with you."

Shocked was the only way I could describe Sam as he listened to my tearful confession. We were working on our communication issues in therapy, but we were still not totally comfortable talking to each other. "I don't think me marrying again will happen anytime soon because I am sure no woman is interested in marrying an impotent man. When I found out what I had done to you, I decided to be chemically castrated, so I would never be able to hurt you or anyone else. I have been going once a month for shots ever since December. I know that I deserved prison, but because you wouldn't press charges, I took matters into my own hands and made sure that I had to pay for my crime. I also do community service two times a week in addition to making donations to Lima's Samaritan House our local women's shelter to provide counseling for women who have been abused. I know that none of this will ever provide restitution for my crime, but I had to do something."

Listening to Sam confessing what he had done to punish himself made me feel very uncomfortable, and I didn't know how to respond. I was beyond relieved when I heard Asher began to wail. I quickly got up, and I went to his room to change him. After putting him on a fresh diaper I re-entered the kitchen with him in my arms. As soon as Sam saw him, he asked if he could hold him, and I let him. The look that Sam had on his face when he looked at Asher was just one word love. And my son was looking at up at his dad in wonder as always. Sam was speaking to him in one of his crazy impersonation voices that Asher loved. Asher loved when I or my mother would sing to him, and I would see the same expression on his face when his dad would change his voice and talk to him as if he was grown up and not a baby.

Sam had read all the baby books, and he had practiced baby massaging on Stacy before he ever attempted it on Asher. Sam was hands on and wanted to do diaper changes as well the fun part of cuddling, talking to, and playing with Asher. When he and the girls visited Asher, I let Sam take care of all Asher's needs except feeding him. I didn't like the breast pump, and I only used it for emergencies because the machine hurt my girls like something fierce. Watching father and son, I was further convinced that I was making the right decision. I could continue this paper marriage with Sam to make sure our little dysfunctional family stayed together for as long as Sam and I could tolerate each other's presence.

Before Sam left to pick up the girls from school, he and I discussed how we would wait until my family left and returned from my family's annual reunion cruise before telling them news concerning our marriage. The girls would be out of school on Friday, and Sam was taking them on a working vacation with him to California with Stevie, Madison, and Meggie. They were all staying with Mason and his wife Jane. And the kids were going to go to Disneyland while Stevie and Sam were busy with Evans Ranch business.

Because Sam and I were delaying the big marriage reveal, I also called and scheduled a delay for the assessor to visit my home. I didn't want to go further into the adoption process before we told our families and the girls we were married. Marriage was about compromise, and even though our marriage wasn't a true marriage, I knew that I was going to have to give up some things to make our relationship work for all those involved, and the one things that I was going to have to do was move after the summer. It wasn't fair to make Sam and the girls move to Findlay, but it was also unfair for me to have to move to the Evans' Ranch; a place that only held tragic memories for me. So, I decided to look for a property that was halfway between Lima and Findlay that would have enough property for the girls to have their horses, and enough space so that Sam could move half of his work from Lima to there, so he wouldn't have to commute everyday. I found a 26 acre property in Bluffton Ohio which was 15 minutes from Lima and 16 minutes from Findlay. The property had a covered bridge, three ponds, six buildings, an unfinished interior home that we could build onto and make changes in the floor plan, and a commercial building.

Convincing Sam about the practicality of making this move of both of our lives was quite easy. The man was willing to do whatever I wanted without argument. Even when I suggested that I wanted this subsidiary of Evans Ranch to offer rehabilitation retreats four times of year for women and children who had suffered some type of abuse or loss, Sam readily agreed. I had researched how working with horses helped with healing and experimented with the girls and myself with the horses, and I could see some benefits of the horses. Sam would have most of the older horses, the horses he personally trained, and his and the girls' horses moved to our new ranch. Stevie would keep the horses they bred and their ponies at the Evans Ranch. Sam would use the commercial building to sell the trained horses, so he and Stevie would have to commute back and forth between the properties whenever they were needed.

I think that the person who most needed to leave the Evans Ranch was Sam. He was healing from his childhood memories of abuse, his violent act towards me, and the death of his wife.

Healing and being healed were two separate things. And I could see the excitement in his eyes once he saw the property, and how beautiful the place was that met all our needs was on sale, and he could afford to buy the property outright and use most of the sale for tax write off purposes because we were going to run a business and a non-profit organization on the land. Sam, Stevie, and I kept the news of Sam's buying a new property and renovating an unfinished home to ourselves. Stevie didn't know we were married, but he decided that we must had compromised about sharing custody with Asher by making the commute easier for all who were involved.

After finding a contractor who was willing to take on the project with our timeline, we were able to have a swimming pool added and a pool house included on our house side of the ranch. Three of the six buildings would provide dormitory like housing for women, girls, and boys. The plans for the pool, pool house, and additional buildings and the commercial building were going to take over a year to complete. However, the contractor had plans to complete the house within three months. The house was already a three story monstrosity that we were going to finish with the same bluish gray stone that would match my home making it our fairytale castle.

Sam would have the top level of the house in which a second master suite with seating area and bathroom would be located. He would also have a study, man's cave area, and full gym. On the main level there would be a great room, a majestic kitchen with a large breakfast area, dining room, and butler's pantry. Also on the main level is where my master suite would be found with seating area and luxurious bath. There would be a study, half-bath, library, and two rooms with an interconnecting bathroom for the girls when they wanted separate bedrooms, and one in suite bedroom for Asher. The third basement level is where two additional en suite bedrooms would be located in addition to a large family room, a second half bath, media room, and game room. The basement level is where we intended to do all our entertaining because it opened out into where the pool, barbecue and outdoor cooking area would be, and eventually the pool house.

Keeping my mind on designing our new home and making arrangements for the future therapeutic ranch kept my mind busy and kept me from feeling anxious about the big marriage reveal. I also knew that in order to run a therapeutic ranch, I needed to visit a successful one. While Sam and the girls were in California, Asher and I visited the Running Horse Ranch in Schroeder Minnesota. While I was there, I completed a full therapy program with the horses. In the program, I did not ride the horses, but I walked to the field to catch and halter the horse I cared for. Then, at the barn or an arena, I carried out exercises designed to help me work through common symptoms of trauma, such as trust issues, relationship challenges, hypervigilance, and post-traumatic stress. The freedom that I felt just a year after my attack was so monumental that I could not help but desire that every person who carried the weight, distrust, and fear of intimacy following rape would have this experience. So, me being me decided to receive training and get information so that I too could receive certification in Faith Based Equine Assisted Philosophy. The horses and healing may seem to be a fluke to some people, but I knew in my heart and from the testimonies from others that there is a connection between a horse and a person that can't be explain. It was if the horse that I cared for could sense my moods and feelings, and talking to a horse helped me to unburden myself in a way that I hadn't even been able to do so with my therapist and mother.

After Sam and the girls had returned from California, they were all living with me in Findlay. For the first time since the rape, I was completely comfortable in Sam's presence without Asher being the focus of his attention. The girls did not question or find it confusing when Sam would come from the Evans Ranch, shower at the pool house, and come back to my house to play with Asher while the girls and I would fix dinner. Sam joined us at the dinner table, and there was now no awkwardness between the two of us. After the meal, Sam would volunteer to clean up because we had prepared the meal, and we would let him clean while we would go sit down and begin a movie. Sometimes Sam would join us in watching the movie, or he would see if Asher was awake and play with him until he fell asleep. We were the little dysfunctional family that I always knew we could be, and for the first time in a long time, I was happy.


	13. Chapter 13

**Same A/N from Chapter Twelve Part One applies. I don't own anything, if I did I would have more time to fully develop this story. Sorry for breaking up the chapters, but you can still read them back to back. I won't be finished with the next part of this chapter until Sunday at the latest. Had meetings, appointments, etc. all week so I am too busy for putting much time into writing.**

 **Chapter Twelve**

Part Two- Sam's Point of View

Mercedes was the most generous person that I have ever met. Everything that was happening in my life a year after I had sunk into the depths of despair after hurting her was overwhelming to me. My father had instilled in me that I was nothing and would never be anything, and I deserved only bad things because I was a bad kid. Every time my father would hit me in anger, I never wanted to lash back out at him. For some stupid reason, I believed I deserved to be hurt. When I got older, the abuse became less frequent because I made sure to play every sport, join every organization from 4-H to FFA to guarantee I was never at home. I didn't have good grades because I was so busy with extracurricular activities to keep me far from home. I hated living in the house with my parents, and I basically moved into that little cabin in the front of our lawn to be able to escape my father's presence. I would have lived there if I hadn't found out, he would beat Stevie when I wasn't around after he had went on one of his drunken rampages. Stevie quickly followed in my footsteps of playing sports and joining organizations to not be at home either, so my dad with nobody else to pound his fist and rage against begin to drink even more, and it wasn't long after Stevie graduated from college that he died of a heart attack.

My father's death didn't free me from his abuse like I thought it would. I stopped drinking and smoking weed after his death because I no longer needed drugs and alcohol to medicate me after being in his presence. I thought I had convinced Brittany to give up the partying lifestyle when she became pregnant with Taylor Marie, and I thought that the two of us would have a happy marriage and give our children the childhoods we didn't get to experience for ourselves. Brittany hated her mom, and I hated my father. It was our hatred for our parents that drew us together and contributed to us getting married after breaking up when we first went to college. I only dated Brittany in high school because she was beautiful, popular, and friends with Mercedes Jones. I was never in love with her, but I knew because of my own stupid behavior that I would never be able to date Mercedes, so I settled for someone who didn't bully her, treated her like she deserved to be treated, and truly loved her. That was one of the things that I had in common with Brittany was that I loved Mercedes, too. It was an unrequited love for me, but she was always my fantasy girl, and a girl who I knew I would never be worthy of.

Brittany appeared to be the perfect wife for me. When she found out she was pregnant again, we were so excited and happy. For the first times in our lives, we were completely clean, attending church, working our dream jobs and having our first home built from the ground up. We seemed to be having a picture perfect life, and I was in love with her because she made me so happy. Brittany was the opposite of my father and my mother. She was constantly praising me and giving me the acceptance and unconditional love that I always needed. She did whatever I wanted, and I catered to her just as well. To see her smile didn't take much, and when she with Taylor Marie those two had me wrapped around their fingers and I couldn't deny them anything. When I realized that I needed to make more money to provide them with the lifestyle they deserved, I made my first stupid error. I began to immerse myself into being the provider for my family. I worked hard now that Stevie was out of veterinarian school to ensure that the Evans Ranch would be the most successful horse farm in the country. I began traveling more and staying away from home more with the desire to not be the failure that my father was in not providing for our needs and to prove to the dead man that I was going to be a success. The success came and I was featured on television news programs, our horses were winning races and awards, and our ranch was winning awards and prestige as well.

I was so consumed with earning even more money now that Stacy was born that I totally didn't notice that Brittany had begun abusing drugs again. She was turning into her mother, and I wasn't around to fully witness it. When Brittany kicked me out of our marital bed, I didn't know what to think. I thought she may have postpartum depression, and I had my mother speak to her. Instead of confronting Brittany, I did as I had always done, let her have her way and cater to her and her needs. Because I was not sleeping with my wife any more, my fantasy life reverted back to middle and high school Sam who couldn't get laid, so I focused on Mercedes Jones and her curves for sexual release. I felt adulterous every time I did this, so I refused to masturbate while thinking of Mercedes, but every time I ran into her parents, I always asked about her because she was constantly on my mind.

When Brittany was diagnosed with cancer, I thought I was to blame. I smoked weed around her a lot in the past, and I thought maybe it was my smoking that had given her the cancer. When the doctor explained the melanoma was more likely caused from Brittany's obsession with tanning, I felt slightly better. For the first time, my focus left work and was on helping my wife battle cancer. Between being work obsessed and now helping Brittany battle cancer, I didn't notice that I was becoming more and more distant from my two little girls. Stacy and Taylor Marie were never given my full attention after Brittany's diagnosis. I was immersed in helping my wife beat the cancer, so she could continue to be a mother to our daughters. During this time, Brittany would ask questions, and I would answer them honestly. She asked if I could have more than one wife, who would I chose to be a second wife? I told her Mercedes Jones without thinking about it. She then asked me how long had I been hot for her former best friend, and I gave her the history behind my infatuation with Mercedes. We talked about everything under the sun, and for the first time, I realized how much my wife meant to me, and that I would do anything to make sure she was able to be healthy. She was my best friend and knew me better than anybody else.

I should have been suspicious when Brittany invited Mercedes to the ranch, but I wasn't. I thought that she just wanted to reconnect with her now that Mercedes was spending time with my mom. My mom was the most confusing woman in the world. While she was married to my dad, she was our primary breadwinner, and I could remember how she would allow my dad access to her bank account to buy more alcohol. She was totally submitted to him because she was super religious. She would pray and ask God for help, but she wouldn't reach out to our extended family for help. Later on, when I saw how relieved she was when dad died, I almost doubted that she cared about the years of physical abuse I suffered and the years of emotional abuse that he put her through. He would never hit my mom no matter how drunk my father would be. And he would swear every beating I received was because I had made a mistake because I was a good for nothing who could do nothing right. Instead of my mom ever intervening between my father and his belt, extension cord, stick, and/or horsewhip, my mom just would go to her room and pray that God would stop my father before he beat me to death.

Because of my mom, I didn't believe in the power of prayer or Christianity. I only turned to God and faith because of Brittany's battle with cancer. When Brittany was diagnosed with cancer, my mom began taking a very active part in my family. She would take care of our girls and fix our meals without us even having to ask. She became understanding, patient, and a person I could go to when I felt as if I was going to lose my mind. Seeing Brittany go through the biochemotherapy was one of the most stressful periods of my life. She lost all her beautiful hair, and she looked like a ghost at times being so pale and thin. However, she still remained optimistic which allowed me to be optimistic in believing that she could win her battle against cancer. When she wanted to rebuild her relationship with Mercedes, I wasn't suspicious because I thought she honestly needed a friend who was not there when she was stricken with cancer but could only remember the good old days with her. My mom and Mercedes were great friends, and I guess, Brittany thought that if Mercedes could be friends with one Mrs. Evans, she could be friends with another.

Now, I realized that Brittany saw my shortcomings as a father to my girls, and she didn't trust my mother and of course her mother to make sure that our daughters were well taken care of. And I have to admit that her keeping the news of her cancer spreading was enough to pull me into the darkest part of my life because of all people, I never thought my wife would keep something that devastating from me. She had admitted to relapsing into drug abuse and every other thing that she had done under sun including making out with Santana Lopez more times than I cared to know about. However, I had bared my entire soul to my her, and I had trusted that she had told me everything, too, but instead she kept how sick she was away from everybody in our family.

What made me feel doubly upset was the fact that I hated myself. My wife was dying of cancer, and every time I fell asleep, I was dreaming of another woman Mercedes Jones. The night that I attacked her was the same day in which that morning that I had cornered after forcing her to remain to watch King's Full Ransom mate with Midnight Blue. I never in my life had as much lust for a woman as I had for Mercedes that day, and later on when I found out how sick Brittany was, I felt as low as a man could. I wasn't a good father or a good husband; I was just as my dad had always told me I was just plain not good for anything. The amount of alcohol I consumed and drugs I took could not and did not take my pain away. All my intoxication did was make me an animal who took something from the one person in my world who had always been the epitome of good. A part of me died when I woke the next morning and then noticed that she was avoiding me like the plague. I should have known what I did and turned myself into the police, but Brittany said she needed me, and I couldn't turn my wife down after I had destroyed her friendship with her best friend.

The depression that I eventually was diagnosed with having only became worse when I found out that I had raped Mercedes and impregnated her. I wanted to just die, so I stopped eating and worked myself to the bone to avoid Brittany and my daughters. When Brittany died, I saw it as God punishing me. I had destroyed Mercedes' live, and He was destroying my life to exact His revenge. When I confessed to Stevie why Mercedes looked as if she were going to jump out of her skin whenever I was near, my brother, who I had taken numerous beatings for as a child, lost his mind and began to beat the shit literally and figuratively from me. I thought that he was going to kill me, and I welcomed death thinking it was what I deserved for hurting someone who had only been the most awesome friend my wife and mother could have asked for and a very positive influence for my daughters. I know if the ranch hands hadn't intervened, I would have preceded Brittany in death by two days.

I would have forever stayed away from Mercedes after I had volunteered to be chemically castrated while Brittany was alive. However with Stacy almost dying, the final light bulb went off in my brain, and I knew I had to become the father that I never had. I had to beg and plead for Mercedes to help me with my daughters who only fully trusted her with their well-being. Knowing that I had struck out as a husband and a father could have sent me spiralling deeper in depression, but I now had a reason to live and change and that was my daughters. I was willing to do whatever it took to ensure their well-being and happiness. They were the top priorities on my list, and it would be the person that I hurt the most was the very person, whose help I needed to begin to make the changes that I needed to make in my life.

Going through therapy helped me battle my stinky thinking and also gave me the tools that I needed to help wage war against the beast of depression. I was prescribed medication as soon as my therapist realized how on the deep end of the spectrum I was. My appetite slowly returned as well as the pounds I had lost. I had to give the full running of the ranch over to Stevie as I attended parenting classes, individual therapy, and family therapy. When my mom got Mercedes to go to family therapy with us, my mind finally believed what her words had already told me that she had forgiven me. I had to forgive myself which was the hardest thing I had to do. I had never forgiven my dad, and I had done something worse than he ever did. My dad believed that women were never to be hurt because they were the weaker sex, and this belief is the only reason why he didn't beat my mom. I was taught to never hurt a female, that no means no, and to violate another person the way I did Mercedes was totally against all my beliefs. It took many sessions, but I was finally able to forgive my dad and then I was able to forgive myself even though I still knew that I was so unworthy of forgiveness.

When I came up with the idea of Mercedes marrying me to protect Asher the love and joy of my life and retain custody of my daughters the other equal loves and joys of my life, I was stupid and desperate. I should have never asked that Mercedes sacrifice herself in that way so soon after what had transpired. I immediately thought of calling her to rescind the proposal, but since she never answered yes or no, I thought it was better to ignore the entire situation and hope that everything worked out for our good. Another reason that I didn't take the proposal back was because I am still a douche, and I couldn't help but want to remain close to Mercedes, so that I could stay close to my son. A son that I didn't deserve, and the very reason why I was able to heal. Although I had done an unspeakable act, beauty in the form of my little boy sprang forth strong and true. Asher's birth helped me get over Brittany's death, and my love for my son was just as strong as it was for my daughters. I wanted the world for him, I wanted to provide everything he needed, I wanted to teach him how to ride his first pony, teach him how to play the guitar, teach him how to play sports. I wanted to take him camping and fishing. I wanted to be a full-time father, but I knew that Mercedes had the right to keep me from him as much as she wanted. But if we were married, then I would be able to legitimize his birth and let him know from the start that he had a father who loved him with all of his heart.

Mercedes literally had complete control over me, and she didn't fully realize what I was willing to do to have more of my son in my life and my daughters happy. When she agreed to the marriage and later agreed to continue with the marriage, I knew she had made a mistake. But I abided by her decision contrary to what my brain was telling my heart. When she called me and asked me about selling her home and moving to a new one halfway between Findlay and Lima, I agreed. When she showed me the property and told me her plans for it, and how we could both live there even after the annulment until I "remarried", I began to fall like mad in love with Mercedes Jones. She appeared again as my family's fairy godmother, and even though the property was going to cost me a ton of money, I had more than enough to buy it, but her business plan for using it as a commercial property and nonprofit was going to enable us to renovate the house to be our dream home for no extra money.

It didn't matter what Mercedes asked me to do, I was such a fool in love with her that I would even try to give her the moon. But my love for her was based on an idea of Mercedes that really didn't exist. Mercedes' humanity began to show more and more the longer I was with her. It was when she made a mistake that I realized that Mercedes Jones was human after all, and I could appreciate her more for being a person than some deity I had turned her into being. The mistake that Mercedes made besides agreeing to marry and stay married to me was that she went to sleep while cooking when the girls and I had went to one of Taylor Marie's horse shows.

She had unwisely unhooked the fire alarms from the electricity in her kitchen because they always went off when a little smoke reached them, and the noise from the alarm always woke up Asher. An angry baby screeching causing her milk to produce and trying to fan away smoke was not an easy task, so she decided to just turn them off permanently.

Because the alarms were off when she and Asher were sleeping, she didn't know she had burned through a pot, causing some of the knobs on the stove to melt and producing an insidious cloud of smoke that filled the kitchen, dining room, and great room. She slept through it all, and it wasn't until I got to the house with the girls and almost died thinking that she and Asher had died of smoke inhalation did I realize that Mercedes Jones was human after all. Facing the possibility of Mercedes and Asher dying made me lose another ten years of my life. I also realized that I loved Mercedes the woman and not the Mercedes of my dreams. She had made a big mistake in unhooking those smoke alarms. A mistake that could have resulted in tragedy. She blamed herself for days, and it took a while for her to forgive herself as she saw none of us tried to made her feel guilty, but as I told her we are all human and make mistakes. The most important thing is that we didn't continually revisit the same mistakes over and over again.

I only fell deeper in love with her as we continued to live together in her home. She had already referred to my daughters as hers and that melted my heart of stone when I realized that she had become the mother that Brittany knew that she would become in her place. Mercedes didn't know that spending every night with her and our children made me want to spend the rest of my life with her. After she had come back from her therapeutic ranch visit, Mercedes treated me like she treated me before the rape. She didn't flinch when I accidentally touched her when Asher would reach out his arms for me. Every time my son did this to me, my heart melted. Although he was my son in looks, he seemed to take after Mercedes in temperament and be almost the perfect child. But he was lavished with love and attention from everyone in his family, so all he knew was to be admired, played with, and spoiled.

The worst punishment for a man is to be married to his ideal woman but know that he would never have a chance in winning her heart because of an unforgivable act. Being around Mercedes became a bittersweet experience for me. And when we confronted our families on what we had both done, my secrets were laid bare to all of those closest to us by the most unlikely of sources.

We had gathered the family to Mercedes' house for a pool party at the end of July. While Madison and Andrea agreed to take the kids inside the pool house for a movie during the heat of the day, so Mercedes and I could talk to our brothers and parents alone; we all re-entered the house and sat at the dining room table. Mercedes had told me that it was going to be my responsibility to explain our paper marriage to the family, and she would only answer the questions that she knew were going to come up.

I began by saying, "I just want to begin by saying thank you for all you have done to help me and my family heal from a tumultuous year. Mercedes and I decided after Asher's one month celebration to prevent the Pierces from belittling our son and threatening to gain custody of our daughters."

As soon as I said our daughters, I could see Mercedes' family look as if I had lost my mind. They knew Mercedes loved the girls, and the girls loved Mercedes, but none of them had ever heard her refer to Stacy and Taylor Marie as her daughters. Before they could interrupt me I continued. "I asked Mercedes to marry me, so that she could adopt them as their stepmother with little hassle from the court."

Stevie was to first to express his disbelief being one of the few people in the room to know that I had raped Mercedes and that she didn't want to have to anything to do with me less than six months ago. "Oh hell no, I didn't think you were that stupid to ask Mercedes that. I hope she cursed your stupid ass out."

"Stevie, watch your language," my mom began looking at Mercedes in shock and then turning to me in anger. "Sam why would you even think that is was okay to do this, and furthermore why are you telling us this now?"

"Because Mercedes agreed to a marriage of convenience, and we were secretly married at the Findlay Courthouse over a month ago." Sam said looking Stevie in the eye with that old look burning bright in my eyes as I have always resented Stevie's attraction to, flirtation with, and defense of Mercedes.

"Sam Evans you are going to stand here and tell us a month later that you and Mercedes secretly married and expect us to believe this." Mrs. Jones said in disbelief.

"We were initially never going to tell you. Once the adoption was final we were going to have the marriage annulled. It was only until we realized that Mercedes had to have letter of recommendations from close friends and a pastor that we realized that we couldn't keep our marriage a secret if Mercedes was going to be able to adopt Stacy and Taylor Marie."

"Mercedes Joy DuBois Jones, tell me that boy is lying that you would not and could not do this." Mrs. Jones demanded looking her daughter into her eyes.

"He is telling the truth mom. Sam wanted us to immediately annul the marriage, but I didn't want to. I wanted the girls to be legally mine if something were to happen to Sam like it did to Finn. You know that Finn recently dying in that car crash on I-75 was another reminder to me how we are only promised the moment we are living and no more. I also want Asher to be raised by Sam and Mary if something were to happen to me. Our marriage clears up any custody drama."

"Baby girl you are blind. So, blind to the fact that Sam Evans is manipulating you to get what he wants. I am sorry Mary, but your boy has been in love with my daughter for too long for any of this marriage of convenience mess to make any sense. MJ, you may think you were both involved in your getting drunk and you getting pregnant with Asher, but I know in my heart that he got you drunk just so he could take advantage of you. His nose has been wide open ever since the first time you all graduated from junior high, and he couldn't keep his eyes off of you when you were singing. He looked at you like I first looked at your mama when I first heard her sing and every time since. And what married man do you know every time we run into him in the past asks about a woman he hasn't seen since graduation? A man who is obsessed with someone that is the type of man. I ought to get my old and first rusted dentist drill out and poke holes all up in your pecker for what you did to my baby girl taking advantage of her while she was drunk was a close to rape as you can get. I have kept my peace because you seemed to have the good sense to stay away from her, but now you have lost your mind. Getting my baby to agree to marry you when you wife hasn't even been dead for a year makes everything the Pierces say seem true that you two were having an affair. I want this marriage annulled immediately." Mr. Jones said looking at me as if he would kill me if he could get away with it.

"You are right Eddie. Everything you said is the God's knows truth. Mercedes Joy I can't believe you would agree to do this without talking to me. There are other ways you could have adopted the girls; you didn't need to get married in a courthouse just so you would be able to be a mom to those girls." Mrs. Jones agreed with her husband, and I was afraid that she was going to tell him and EJ the truth.

"Maggie, our girl got married in a courthouse and to my wretched son out of all people. I just don't know where we went wrong. I can't imagine her agreeing to this without some sort of duress by Sam." My mom said being quick to throw me under the proverbial bus.

"Mom he may have bribed her by buying that land that I showed you on our way here. They own every acre of it, and the house that is almost near completion. I should have known something was up when he agreed to divide the ranch up and move to Bluffton. I wouldn't be surprised if he used the million from Brittany's insurance to pay Mercedes into agreeing with him, or he had her hypnotized. Something is too fishy about all of this." Stevie said breaking his promise to keep the house and the ranch a secret.

"Mary, your son has visited a root worker and put roots on my daughter. There is no way my baby girl would ever consent to this marriage. It took much prayer just to get her to relent to Sam having a little access to Asher, and now she is married to him and moving to a ranch in the middle of nowhere to be with him. This is not true. They are pranking us. This is a joke that has gone on much too long." Mrs. Jones said looking at us willing us to tell her she was right.

"Mercedes you have been quiet for too long. Just tell us the truth." EJ said looking at his sister with concern in his eyes.

Ever since her dad had called me out for being in love with Mercedes, I could feel her eyes on me and on me alone. It was like a light had gone off in her brain, and she didn't look happy. She looked betrayed and hurt. It seemed that nobody else in the room was shocked by what her father said because everybody must have known that I had always been in love with her, but she was the only person who couldn't see it or realize it. She didn't even hear the rest of the conversation because her gaze stayed locked on mine willing me to say what her dad said was a lie, but she could tell by my expression that I couldn't deny the majority of his statements because Mr. Jones had spoken the truth.

"See I told you, Mary, that boy has had my girl fixed. She is not paying attention to a word we are saying; she is totally focused on Sam and Sam alone."

"Sam was too afraid to tell Mercedes he had the biggest crush on her throughout school, so I know he is too afraid to visit a witch doctor, Mrs. Jones." Stevie said still mad at Sam for agreeing to this sham marriage that was only going to result in him getting a broken heart which he fully deserved for orchestrating the entire debacle.

I finally got tired of the bashing and whispered to Mercedes that we would talk later in her ear causing her to slightly nod her head while I pretended to slap my brother upside the head for giving me such a low blow in front of Mercedes' entire nuclear family.

"How long do you two intend to keep up this farce of a marriage?" Maggie asked realizing that Sam whispering in Mercedes' ear bespoke of an intimacy, she couldn't still wrap her head around this.

"As long as your daughter wants. She has full control of this relationship. Whatever she wants I will do. As Mr. Jones obviously pointed out that Mercedes has that whip appeal that Babyface sang about. I am whipped, she can do whatever she wants, and it will be alright with me." I admitted the truth to everyone not bothering to hold anything back because of silly pride. I would do anything Mercedes Jones-Evans decided because I loved her and wanted to be sure all her needs, wants, dreams, and desires were fully met.

"Maggie there is no help for the boy. He is using EJ's method of using 90s R&B to woo a woman. Just tell me how the marriage is going to remain a paper marriage when he is already willing to admit she got him whipped without even giving him something something?"

"I know that's right dad, maybe that therapist they have been seeing has been practicing the dark arts and both of them are spellbound." EJ said.

"I don't care what this is, but Maggie and I are throwing a wedding if these two intend to stay married for longer than the ink dries on the adoption decrees." Mary piped up realizing her son was finally going to try to woo Mercedes after years of her telling him he should do so. She didn't know if Mercedes would be able to bear Sam's touch after the rape, but maybe they planned on having an asexual relationship.

"A wedding and a reception before I meet the Lord. Oh well, I guess we can forgive you both for this stupid idea and plan, if I get to throw my daughter a wedding next year because that will give Sam the year of mourning that he would need, and if they are still together after the adoption, he may be stupid enough to stay tied to a woman that will probably make his life a living hell with his walk all over me attitude." Mrs. Jones said looking at my mom with glee in her eyes.

"All of you besides Stevie has lost your minds, and I don't want any part of this foolishness," Mr. Jones began looking at me with disapproval in his eyes. "If you hurt my baby girl, I swear to you as long as there is breath in my body, I will make you regret the day you were born. All you had to say was wedding to get my wife's approval, but it is going to take more than that for me. You are going to have prove yourself worthy of my daughter, and right now you have been weighed and found wanting. If it wasn't for my grandson and the fact that he loves you, I would probably hire a contract murderer to break your legs, cut off you foot, and have it placed permanently in your butt. You better make sure that my daughter never calls me with tears in her eyes or my grandchildren and I mean grandchildren including those two little girls never call me either." Mr. Jones said before gruffly leaving the room in search of a recliner for his afternoon nap while the moms talked about weddings and Stevie and EJ went off to find their own wives.

It wasn't until my mom and Stevie's family had left immediately following the Jones' families that I was able to find some time to talk to Mercedes alone. I didn't know what to say, so I decided to sing what was going on in my heart to her knowing how she appreciated music. "What your dad said was true. What I felt for you until I married Brittany and now after her death was Brandy's "Have You Ever?" I know I got a lot to tell you, but young stupid me wanted to tell you this when we were seniors in high school, and I am still afraid to admit the truth to you now that we are adults." I said before singing:

[Chorus]  
Have you ever loved somebody so much  
It makes you cry  
Have you ever needed something so bad  
You can't sleep at night  
Have you ever tried to find the words  
But they don't come out right  
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever been in love  
Been in love so bad  
You'd do anything to make them understand  
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away  
You'd give anything to make them feel the same  
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart  
But you don't know what to say  
And you don't know where to start  
[Chorus]

Have you ever found the one  
You've dreamed of all of your life  
You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes  
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to  
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you  
Have you ever closed your eyes and  
Dreamed that they were there  
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care  
[Chorus]

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby  
What do I gotta say to get to your heart  
To make you understand how I need you next to me  
Gotta get you in my world  
'Cuz baby I can't sleep  
[Chorus]

"Those lyrics of that song represent me for most of all my life concerning you and loving the idea of you and not really spending enough time with you to know that you were everything a man could want in a woman." I said after I finished singing continuing before she could stop me and tell me she couldn't stand to hear or be near me after this long withheld confession.

"Then when I knew I had made the biggest mistake of my life and that I would never get even be your friend again …" I began but Mercedes stopped me before I could continue.

"I just feel so obtuse and confused Sam. Everybody even Madison has alluded to the fact that you have wanted me for a long time, but I have been blind to all of this. I don't ever want to hear you apologize or speak about the rape everything. After leaving the rehabilitation ranch and training to provide faith based equine therapy, I have put that incident behind me. I don't need you opening that door with me. It's in the past and it will stay in the past. I am able to move forward with my life without those destructive memories. The one thing I can't understand is that you have a problem telling me this, but you are crazy enough to admit this to both of our families knowing our history. I am in information and emotional overload." Mercedes told me sitting down and shaking her head in dismay. "Then you continue your 90s R&B trend with Brandy of all people. It is going to take me a while to process all of this. Your falling in love with me was never part of the equation. I don't know if I can force you to stay in a marriage that will only bring you heartache and pain."

"Being with you and our children doesn't bring me heartache and pain, it brings me the most happiness that I have felt in a while. You don't ever have to return my love, I have resigned myself to loving you with an unrequited love. I won't sing you any more songs, but I don't regret marrying you. And I would never ask you for me than you are able to give. If you need for us to annul this marriage sooner rather than later, then you know I will agree to whatever you want."

"I think we just need to start all over again Sam. You have got to promise to talk to me and tell me things. If we are going to make our arrangement work, communication is key. I don't want you walking around like a lovesick lunatic. I want you to be happy because our children will pick up on your energy whether you use words or not. Are you ready to tell the girls we are married?" She asked me looking at me with concern in her big doe eyes.

"Since we are revealing more than I expected today, we might as well tell them what they need to know." I said not knowing how the girls would react to the news. I went to go them and check to see if they had disturbed Asher from his nap. He was four months old today not that anybody but Mercedes and I acknowledged the day when we woke him with a month day song and after having a day with his grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, he was worn out.

After the girls were seated near Mercedes, I began by telling them the news, "Mercedes and I have something to tell you two. We are married. I love Mercedes and Asher the way I love you both, and this way we can be a real family. Asher is your brother, and Mercedes is your stepmother. How would you feel if she adopts you and becomes your legal mommy?" I asked them looking at them to see if they understood what I was trying to communicate.

Taylor Marie spoke up first, "Mommy always said that Mercedes was going to marry you daddy and be our second mommy. I am just glad that we will all get to live together now. I have always thought of F.G-Mama as my mommy, and I would be very happy if she adopted us, and I could stop calling her that silly name, and call her my mother." Tears spilled down her face and when I looked at Mercedes' face tears were spilling down her face as well.

I was choked up from Taylor Marie's words, but I knew I had to hear from my baby girl to make sure she was okay with this as her sister. "How about you baby girl? Do you understand what Taylor Marie and I have said?"

"Yes, daddy I always knew F.G-Mama was going to be my real mommy. I prayed for her to be my mommy after that horrible day we had had a Granny Pierce's. I only knew that if I was with her, I wouldn't be so sad and hurt. I have even been calling her mama, and she has never corrected me. I am glad that you love her like we love her and Asher, and that we will all be a family now." Stacy said curling into Mercedes' lap.

Words could not express the feelings that were in the room. Taylor Marie was cuddled into my arms and Stacy was in Mercedes' arms. We just stayed like there for what felt like hours but was just minutes because Asher must have sense he was missing out, so he cried out, and we all got up to go see about him.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: So we have finally come to the end of the road for this story. I have been working on it off and on since 3 am. So, it may contain many errors, please remember I don't have a Beta, and excuse me for all my mistakes. I have copied and pasted a little in this chapter from various sources and included songs that will never belong to me as the Glee characters don't belong to me. I hope you enjoy the ending of Beauty from Ashes. You may want to Google Billboards top 100 of 1999 and play the songs on YouTube while reading this.**

]

Part Three

(Mercedes' Point Of View)

Now that we had told everybody in our families about the marriage, Sam and I proceeded with the adoption. I used Andrea, Madison, Mary, my principal, my assistant principal, and my therapist as character witnesses, so my father's desires that we keep the marriage a secret were upheld. When we were finally called to court six months later, the judge gave us the decrees of adoption automatically without us having to wait. This was the best Christmas present ever. A year ago, Brittany had died making last Christmas a very sad occasion for us. This Christmas we were able to enjoy Asher as he was fascinated about everything. He was crawling around the house, and we had to have baby gates everywhere. Our tree had to be gated because he was attracted to the lights and ornaments. The entire house was designed to be child proof, but when we first moved in Asher was not mobile, so the baby gates were installed later. The girls loved the house and the new ranch. It was as if we were all given a new start and able to put the past away to embrace our new future for the New Year.

A lot had happened during those six months. We had been in the new house since September, and I had decided to not return to work when I asked my former supervisors for the letters of recommendation. They were not surprised that I as a newlywed and mother of three wanted to take some time off before I became employed full-time. They were happy that I agreed to continue to coach the ninth grade choir and help out with the senior choir who had come in at second place at Nationals. Our families had come around to accepting the marriage as soon as they saw how happy the girls, Asher, and I were. Nobody cared if Sam was happy or not in the beginning but the girls and myself. Sam knew he had a lot to prove to everyone that he was worthy of my love, and he took it as a challenge to prove that he deserved to have us a family.

Nobody worked as hard as Sam Evans to make sure that I was the happiest woman in Ohio. He did all the things that most women wished their husband would do. Asher was eating table food and changing his diapers could be a sickening experience, and Sam would insist on doing it. He wanted to do fatherhood right this time and spend as much time as with his son as possible. Asher and his dad were never too far from each other. Sam scheduled his out of town work schedule around our family. We bought a RV motor coach and as long as the girls were out of school, we would accompany Sam and Stevie on the majority of their trips out of town. We made these trips an adventure for the entire family with Madison and Meggie accompanying us more times than not. On those trips that we could not go with Sam, he Skypped, FaceTime, and used Google chat to constantly have face to video face time with the girls and Asher.

On the days that I worked at the high school, I would leave Sam there with the children, and I would come home to a gourmet homemade dinner, cleaned house, and a family who was ready to extend to me unconditional love. Sam was a man who believed in cultivating and nurturing a wife to bring out the best in her. Sam helped me achieve my dream of becoming a certified faith based equine therapist and bringing my rehabilitation ranch into a reality. He even went to Kentucky to be trained by the staff at the Central Kentucky Riding for Hope which had partnered with the Bluegrass Rape Crisis Center in a program that provided to cutting-edge healing opportunities to survivors of sexual violence. The program EAST (Equine Assisted Survivors of Trauma) combined education, skills building, and equine-assisted learning for therapeutic healing.

I could not help myself from falling a little in love with my husband, who was by in no means perfect, but he was fully dedicated to making sure our family was healthy (emotionally and physically) and happy. He took care of all the undesirable chores of my life from making sure the trash was taken care of (Asher's dirty diapers were no joke), maintaining the lawn, maintaining our vehicles, and making sure our property was safe and secure from wild animals. Sam's unwavering support and generosity was always there, and it began to be reciprocated by all of us. The girls loved their father and loved the time he spent with them, and they became daddy's girls so effortlessly that it made my heart grow a millimeter bigger every time I saw the difference in their relationship. Asher, who was a darker version of his dad, was a mama's boy due to being breast-fed for nine months, but he still loved his dad and their relationship was just as special as Sam's relationship with our daughters. I didn't want to like or love Sam Evans, but the man did his best to know my dreams, wants, and desires, and he bent over backwards to make sure I got what I wanted.

I had never been a recipient of this type of catering, and I tried my best to not take advantage of it. It is not in my nature to take advantage of anyone, and I felt at times as if I would demand things of Sam that I wouldn't have demanded of him if our history wasn't so devastating. When I found myself going out of the way to test Sam's devotion to me, I quickly realized that I never really felt good about myself afterwards. I went to bed troubled, so I knew I had to change my ways. I stopped making Sam pay for his crime, and I started to realize that my husband in name only was a changed man. A man who worked tirelessly to be the best father he could be to his children and to make sure I was treated like a queen. I didn't receive a salary for working with the school's show choir, so I was dependent on Sam for taking care of household expenses. I did have my own money from selling my house that Sam would not take a cent of, and I used that money to buy my own personal things, so I didn't feel like a complete gold digger, but it was an adjustment getting used to being a spouse versus being a single woman who was as Beyonce would called independent to having household expenses taken care of by my husband. When Sam stayed at the pool house, I continued to pay the bills as I usually did, but this stopped when we moved to the new house because the bills tripled in size. Heating and cooling a house of that size was no cheap bill, let me tell you.

It was my mother who first noticed the change in my behavior towards Sam. She was a constant visitor at our house because according to her, her other grandsons were getting too grown, and she needed time with her grandbaby before he got too grown, too. My mom would notice how Sam would come in for lunch, and I would take the time to make sure I had fixed his favorites, would join him with Asher, and we would eat together and talk about how the ranch was coming along. I would anticipate Sam's needs and get him more of whatever he was drinking. My mom saw all of these as signs that I loved my husband and not just that I was a considerate partner.

"Mercedes Joy, I do say that man has done something that Mary and I didn't think he would ever be able to do, and that is make you love him." My mom said out of the blue one February cold day that I had made a big pot of Sam's favorite corn chowder, cinnamon hot chocolate, and homemade biscuits for his lunch.

"What are you talking about mother?" I asked pretending ignorance because I was not even ready to admit my feelings to myself nevertheless admit them to my mother.

"You have fallen in love with that man. He has given you the Eddie Jones' treatment, and you have fallen hook, line, and sinker like I did for your daddy. That man would die for you, kill for you, steal for you, and do all he can to make you happy, and you have fallen into his love trap like the unsuspecting prey you were."

"Mom have you and dad been smoking the same medicinal marijuana?" I asked looking at her with shade all over my face.

"You think you can deflect me with questions. I may be getting old, but I am still able to use all my mental faculties, and I know by you avoidance of acknowledging my statement that you are in love for the first time in your life. Now would I have chosen Sam Evans as the man that you would love and marry, the answer is no no no no no no! However, you two were thrown together in extraordinary circumstances, and your love for your children have made it possible for you two to live together and for him to wear you down with love and tenderness. He already admitted how whipped he was, and he has demonstrated over and over again how he would do anything for you."

"Mom, I don't know what I am going to do. My heart may love him, but my mind is still conflicted. I don't think that I will ever be able to demonstrate my love to him or tell him that I love him because I don't want him to think that I am ready to be his wife in more than name only."

"You and I both know that the marriage of convenience was a bunch of nonsense. You were never going to get the marriage annulled and break up this family because you never wanted to share custody of the children in the first place. And Sam loved you and would probably drink your bath water because he worshipped you, too, so, he was never going to agree to annulment unless you asked him for one. You need to be true to yourself on that score. Whether you will be able to have sex with him or not is something that you won't know until you attempt to do it. No man is perfect. Your father bless his heart has made mistakes, not to the extent of Sam, but he let his first dental hygienist get too close to him. They had a work marriage that almost led into adultery until I realized he was cheating on me emotionally, and we almost divorced before EJ was even one years old. I had to forgive your father, and we had to choose to stay married and make our marriage stronger for all the trials we encountered. No marriage and no person is perfect. We all do horrible things to each other, and you remember when I told you how I treated your dad after EJ's birth; I had contributed to your daddy's need to get his desires met somewhere else. Most of our problems were never one sided, and we had to take ownership and make our marriage a priority."

"Mom, I have never even kissed Sam. In some ways, I am more than a virgin than in others, but I told you about the nightmares I used to have about turning around and kissing Sam and allowing him to have sex with me. Well I am having those dreams again, but they don't cause me to wake up in fear. I am just too scared to initiate any contact between us because I am unsure of how I will react."

"You won't know until you do it. Thinking about it and talking about it are not going to prepare you for your response to him. You and Sam do touch each other occasionally, and I am unsure that either of you realize it. You never flinch away from him no matter how much he is up in your personal space. The family picture you took for Asher's first Christmas had you two very close to each other with the girls standing in front of you holding each hand of a standing Asher. I think Sam's arm was around your waist in that picture and you didn't look uncomfortable but radiant with happiness."

I remembered us posing for our first professional family photos. The photographer wanted the picture of us all touching, so he told Sam to put his arm around my waist, and I put my hand on his back and the other on Stacy's shoulder while Sam had his other arm on Taylor Marie's shoulder. We were all standing in this photo and Asher stole the scene with his happiness about standing up like a big boy with both his sisters supporting him. I didn't tell my mom that part of the reason I was okay with being near Sam was that he was basically an eunuch and hadn't been a threat to me in any way since I married him.

We finished our conversation when Sam brought Asher back in the house. The two had been outside making a snowman, and Asher didn't want to leave their creation, but Sam had to go and pick up the girls from school. My mom helped with me with Asher as I went to the kitchen to begin to prepare dinner. My mom ever the teacher was already trying to teach Asher his alphabet. At the rate she was going, he would be an early reader like I was, and I appreciated this.

My mom had called Mary as soon as she left my house, and the two had me on three-way call discussing my wedding that would take place in less than four months. Those two had been longing for a daughter to marry off for decades, and they had named themselves as my wedding planners and coordinators. Because I just wanted peace for them the first time they mentioned it, I agreed to their lunacy; now in retrospect, I wished I had nipped that idea in the bud. I was no bridezilla, but they were mother of the bridezillas.

Our wedding was going on to be on the ranch on the official opening day of the subsidiary location of Evans Ranch. The final work was being completed on the property, and we decided to have one huge event to celebrate everything in June. I had finished my training to provide equine based therapy, and the girls were out of school, so we were drafted to help the grandmothers plan the wedding of their dreams. Sam and I had the right to veto anything that we didn't want, but we didn't take the time or energy to argue with our mothers. We let them throw themselves in the event. The wedding was actually going to be just a family affair. Taylor Marie was my bridesmaid, and Stacy was the flower girl. Stevie was the best man, and EJ was the person who walked with Asher, who was not guaranteed to make it down the aisle with the rings without some assistance. My father would be giving me away. We had a gazebo by one of the ponds, and this is where the ceremony took place with only our relatives and closest friends attending.

On the day of the wedding, I didn't feel any jitters because I was already technically married to Sam. The gazebo was decorated with red roses and white orchids and red ribbons were attached on the outer four rows of across the aisle seating with white orchids in the middle of the ribbons. The white chairs were draped with red tulle. My bouquet had red and white roses with baby's breath. We didn't have a wedding rehearsal, so Sam and I were a little unprepared during the ceremony when my pastor told Sam he could now kiss his bride.

During the entire wedding planning, I had conveniently forgotten that this was a part of a wedding. When Sam's lips touched my hesitantly for the first time, I braced myself to stand still and not reject the feel of his full lips against my own. After pledging to love and honor me through sickness and in health to death do us part, I couldn't help but feel caught up in the romance of it all, and I allowed myself to enjoy the experience. Although Sam was chemically castrated, it didn't mean that he wasn't still physically attracted to me. He admitted that he had to stay away from me physically when it was time for his next monthly shot because the shot he received wore off in thirty days and he didn't want to experience arousal while around me. I researched chemical castration and knew this, so I wasn't surprised that Sam responded to the kiss. I knew that he wouldn't get an erection, so I relaxed myself and enjoyed the experience until Stevie jokingly told his brother to let me up so I could get some air. Listening to the giggles and seeing our brothers' smirks made me too sheepish to even look my new husband in the eye. Instead I turned towards everyone and received their congratulations as we headed down the aisle to have our pictures taken.

After pictures, the wedding party all changed from our outfits. Stacy and Taylor Marie wore simple off white All-over Satin Tea-Length Ball Gowns with red sashes around their waists. My gown was simple and elegant as well. It was a sleeveless sweetheart shaped bodice corseted gown that flared at my hips and was an Extra Length Ivory Oleg Cassini Tea Length Drop Waist Wedding Dress. I wore my mother's veil and Mary's mother ruby jewelry. Madison had bought me a blue garter as a joke, so that I would have something old, something borrowed, and something new and blue. The guys minus Sam but including Asher all wore off white suits with red ties, no vests, bowties, or cumberbunds were allowed. Sam's tuxedo was ivory my like gown and he wore a red vest with his red tie. The mothers wore wear red dresses with Mary's being knee length chiffon while my mother opted for wearing a floor length lace chiffon gown.

After the wedding party was no longer dressed in white but in outfits of our own choice, the Evans Ranch Bluffton location specializing in Equine Therapy was officially opened. We had the ribbon cutting ceremony, and the dual celebrations were concluded with a reception that included all of Sam's and my work-related relationships, church family, our biological family, and friends. The Pierces were not invited, and there was security to make sure only guests who had RSVP'd were allowed to come to the event.

I believe that it was a good thing that the Pierces were not invited because if they were there, they would notice what everybody there noticed: Asher's resemblance to his father, who he was attached to, so he could eat what he wanted (I didn't think sweets and a baby were a good match, so Asher always went to his father who sometimes would cave and gave him a little of what he desired). There was no way that we could deny Sam was his biological father if we tried, but nobody was uncouth enough to say their opinions concerning his parentage aloud. We were sticking to the story that Sam donated his sperm out of respect for Brittany and our families. We didn't commit adultery no matter what other people may have thought.

Since the mothers had paid for the wedding, Sam argued with them that he should pay for the reception, and they allowed him to because he shared his plans with them unbeknownst to me to give me the high school prom that I never had. When the 1999 playlist of songs began to play, I noticed this, and Sam confessed that he orchestrated it, and when it came time for our first dance as husband and wife, Sam came over to me and extended his hand as if asking permission to dance with me for the very first time to Case's "Happily Ever After". Then my dad and I and Sam his mother danced to Gloria Estefan and 'N Sync's' "Music of My Heart." After that Whitney Houston's "Your Love is My Love" played while Sam danced with his girls, and I danced with Asher. All of the kid appropriated versions of Billboard Year-End Hot 100 Singles of 1999 played throughout the reception. The last song that song Sam and I danced to was to Brian McKnight's "Back at One". However, the song that I couldn't keep singing to myself was Deborah Cox's "Nobody's Supposed to Be Here". The question of how I let Sam into my heart was a question that I had still hadn't answered or even let him know that my feelings for him had changed.

That night after putting three exhausted children to bed. I was singing the song when Sam tentatively interrupted me to ask me if he could talk to me before I headed off to bed. I nodded my head in agreement and followed him out of the sitting area of my bedroom suite to join him in the great room.

"Mercedes, did I make you uncomfortable with the kiss at the wedding? You have been avoiding my eyes since that kiss, and after all the therapy we have had combined, I thought we should talk about this before we headed off to bed because I don't think I could sleep if I knew you were upset, and I had triggered something in you."

This was my new Sam. A man who believed in communication and wanted to know that I was okay because he couldn't get rest if he thought I was upset. "No, you didn't make me uncomfortable with the kiss; it's just that I didn't feel revulsion or that our kiss was platonic. I was kind of embarrassed for letting the kiss affect me to the point that I forgot anyone else was outside with us."

"So, the kiss wasn't one-sided, and you felt something for me just like I felt towards you." Sam said with a huge smile spreading on his face.

"Yes, I am not surprised I felt something because you have been slowly but surely worming your way into my heart. That is why I was singing that Deborah Cox song. I tried to lock my heart away from you, but you somehow got inside of it, and I don't know what I am going to do." I admitted to him.

"You love...me. You Mercedes Jones love me?" Sam asked in astonishment.

"No," I said making him look as if I had broken his heart before continuing. I, Mercedes Evans, love you. After today, I don't think that I can be referred to as a Jones again since the rest of my household are Evans, I think that I should have the same last name as the rest of you."

"You almost stopped my heart from beating woman." Sam admitted looking at me with astonishment. Then realizing the complexity of our lives asked the following question, "what are we going to do about the fact that I am absolutely irrevocably in love with a woman who has just confessed she loves me back, but we have a big obstacle in our way?"

"My mother and I have talked about it, and she says no matter how much I think or talk about intimacy with you there will be no guessing how I will react to physical demonstrations of our love until you actually touch me. I think I am fine with touching you, but I know you are on medication that keeps you from sexually responding to me. How will I feel when you are no longer taking those shots? I don't know."

"Do you want me to continue getting the shots, so that you can get used to us touching each other? I will do whatever you want, and I promise to never ask for anything you are not sure you are willing to give. I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life, and I am willing to let you set the pace of our relationship. I do think it's best that we start with the basics of hand holding, me putting my arms around you, and stuff like that before we go back into kissing. I think the kissing will lead to us both wanting more, and right now wanting more and knowing I am physically unable and you are physically unable to give it will make me more than a little frustrated." Sam said honestly.

"I want you to stop punishing yourself and stop taking the shot. You have never acted inappropriately with me while being sober or any other woman in your life, and I don't think you need it. But I don't want you to tell me when you stop the treatment because I might spend too much time over analyzing everything when I should just concentrate on me and you. I think what you were saying about taking things very slowly is the key. We are going to be spending a lot of time together with our monthly rehab guests. Our first group are boys, and I asked my dad to help us out with them."

"I don't think I need a shot anymore because every time you say your dad's name, all I can see is a rusted drill headed towards me." Sam said and I could see the uncertainty in his eyes about working with my dad.

"My dad is all talk and no action until he knows you have hurt me, so I am sure you will be fine. You know as soon as I started talking about Asher's interest in teeth and how he might continue the Jones' dentistry legacy, he had forgiven me for all of my supposed sins. He loves children and after working in a profession that some kids fear for many decades, he knows how to make them feel comfortable. We are going to need him and both our mothers to help out with this first group." We continued to talk about how the ranch offering therapy four times a year to three different groups meant that every month we would have guests. Children would be scheduled during the summer months and around school breaks in November and December, and March and April. The women would be scheduled in the remaining months. Sam would not help at all with the women. Mary, my mom, and Taylor Marie would be helping with them. Taylor Marie would only be helping with showing them how to groom and take care of the horse along with Mary. Mary would be their house mom living at the boarding house with them and their parents or guardians. While my mom would help me in preparing meals and making sure their physical needs were being met throughout their therapeutic visit.

A couple of weeks later, after our first equine therapy for the boys was deemed a success. My father and Sam grew closer together. Seeing how Sam was with the boys who had been abused like him and listening to Sam's experience of childhood abuse made my dad respect Sam in a whole new way. My dad felt that Sam needed a father no matter his age, and he began to spend time with Sam, Stevie, and EJ. The four became the four amigos and would get on all their wives' nerves with their bromance with each other. The love and respect of a man of my father's caliber did something in Sam that even my love and the children's love didn't completely do. It made Sam more confident, and the more confident my man became the more sexier he became to me as well. Sam had a new swagger that he never possessed in his life. It was getting harder and harder for me to resist him when I would witness him with the children who were so broken visiting our ranch. He was the epitome of a Renaissance man (intelligent, artistic, knowledgeable, physically attractive, social, and cool), and I thanked God that he wasn't the Sam that was married to Brittany over a year ago. He was a new person with confidence, love, and deep faith in the power of forgiveness that oozed through his veins.

Sam was surprised by the fact that I became the aggressor in our physical relationship. When I would see him shirtless on the ranch, I could feel butterflies in my stomach, and one day I was brave enough to touch each layer of his six pack without fear of going to low and touching him near his happy place. He was also surprised when I suggested that he should move into my bedroom. Cuddling with Sam was an addiction and a necessity for me after an emotionally exhausting day dealing with victims of abuse. His arms that used to bring me fear were now arms that comforted me. I never did allow Sam to cuddle me from behind because I didn't know how I would react to that, but face to chest cuddling was our speciality, and we were often joined in bed by all of our children to watch movies or just to spend time together while Asher jumped on the bed like it was a trampoline sitting through a movie was sometimes too much for my eighteen month old. We would have to tire him out, and then while he was asleep enjoy the movie of a rotating choice between Taylor Marie, Sam, and Stacy. I didn't care what we watched as long as Sam and the girls were having fun, I would watch and often fall asleep on the movie if it was boring.

The day that I was finally ready to consummate my marriage was one in which Sam walked in on me accidentally while I was about to take a shower. He had come to the bathroom to do the same thing and was shocked when he saw me naked as the day I was born. He had been in the process of undressing and still had his boxers on. I couldn't keep my hands from wanting to trace every muscle of his upper body and even my tongue wanted to join in on the action. Sam stood frozen while I just continued to look at him with lust in my eyes. I finally realized that Sam wasn't going to move or speak, so I told him it was okay if he joined me in the shower.

This was the biggest step I had ever taken in my life with any man. I was naked and not ashamed of the stretch marks that I carried from my extra weight and from carrying Asher. Sam stood facing me as the water cascaded over us from the multi-directional steam shower. Sam had spared no expense of giving me my dream bathroom that also included a jacuzzi tub and a bidet in a separate room.

I reached for Sam's soap and began to lather it on his sponge and began to do what felt natural to me and wash his body from head to toe. I was hesitant about touching his privates, but I briefly wiped over those areas while concentrating on his chest, arms, backs, and legs. When I was finished washing him, I took my own loofah and shower gel and put it in his hands and guided him into gently bathing me. The hottest experience that I had ever had in my life was teaching Sam how to bathe me everywhere except my private area. I had a bath cloth for that, and I wasn't that comfortable with him yet.

After getting out of the shower, Sam's erection was noticeable and I knew without a doubt that he had stopped taking the shots. I grabbed his arm and led him to our bath sheets and we wrapped ourselves in them before heading to our bed. I unwrapped the sheet gently drying my skin and then unwrapped Sam gently drying him. I pushed him gently down on the bed, and I began to kiss him unabashedly. Our kissing lasted so long with breaks taken as I would run my tongue along his nipples and rub my hands along his body. Sam did not touch me which is something that I preferred. I needed to be in control over this area in our lives because I didn't truly trust my reaction to Sam if he would initiate physical contact or our lovemaking.

I realized the pain that I was putting him through in allowing me full control of our lovemaking, so I gathered the courage to touch him, and when I did all Sam could do was whimper and moan. I had been watching videos and studying positions to know what to do when I ever felt comfortable and brave enough to have sex with my husband. I tried to keep my mind on the feelings of power and pleasure and just did what I felt I should do, and when I got so caught up in our kisses that I felt myself grinding against him, it was more natural than not to slowly slide down on him. There was a tightness and feeling of fullness almost pain until I grew accustomed to his body inside mine, and I was alright until Sam began to thrust upwards. The sounds he began to make were sounds that I hadn't heard since his attack of me, and I just froze. Sam even though he was almost gone noticed that he was making love to a frozen woman and immediately stopped.

His stopping meant the world to me. His ability to sense that I was no longer comfortable with our lovemaking made me realize that I was fortunate to have him as a husband because he was so intuitive to my needs. He allowed me to collapse on him as my tears began to wet us both. I don't remember what happened next, but I do know at some point that Sam had turned the jacuzzi on and lit my favorite candles and sang songs to me. I could remember his voice singing the words of the song that my own mother had sung to me and I would sing to Asher and the girls. After the bath I was still in a comatose state and Sam had to dress me and put me to bed.

Since our first attempt at lovemaking resulted in failure, we decided to both see a sex therapist specializing in sexual assault victims. The therapist got me to discuss my triggers which were any types of sexual contact from behind, the sounds that Sam made while in the heat of passion, and the smell of alcohol and Sam mingled together. We brainstormed plans of making love that involved playing music to drown out Sam's voice and ways for me to recognize and admit my triggers which would take away some of the intensity of my feelings. The therapist knew I had studied therapy and that I was already at the point of having agency and being the initiator of all sexual contact. But she did remind me to use self talk to remind myself to say what I wanted and give myself permission to do so. Examples of self-talk were 'I want to kiss him right now, so I'll kiss him' or 'I'm choosing to give him a hand job because I want to give him pleasure.'

Sam bless his heart felt a double sense of guilt. So, he had to have additional therapy from his own counselor. When we would talk, I would be quick to tell Sam how I appreciated him stopping without me having to say no. He wanted us to start all over again, but I assured him that I would be okay. It was going to take time for the physical side of our marriage to become as successful as our emotional side. I could tell Sam any and everything, and he knew he could do the same. We were good at communication both verbal and nonverbal. It helped that Taylor Marie was a lot like her dad, and I was able to recognize the quirks in their behavior. Stacy may look like her dad and brother, but she was all Brittany in attitude.

When Sam and I eventually were able to make love to each other, it was five months after our marriage, and our families decided that we should have a honeymoon during Thanksgiving, so they booked us a cruise and joined us on a Disney ship with rooms far away from them. We only ate Thanksgiving dinner together as a family while Sam and I were encouraged to spend some much needed time alone. We made love in the missionary position with the sounds of Teddy Pendergrass in the background (If Sam didn't stop listening to my dad's music when he hung out with him, I didn't know what I was going to do.). The music was so corny and made me laugh and kept my mind off of the last time we tried this and fail. Sam sung to me as long as he could and he was able to suppress his moans and groans by kissing me as much as possible and putting his fist in his mouth and biting his knuckles and later using my skin to close his mouth around. When Teddy's "Do Me" came on, I tried and was successful at riding Sam while laughing at him singing the lyrics of that song. Sam made sex funny and enjoyable and that was what I needed more than passion and romance in the beginning of our sexual connection.

Sam and I both blamed our incessant lovemaking on the ship and the rocking motion of the sea against the cruise ship and not our years of celibacy. Once I had experienced the pleasure of being made love to by Sam and making love to Sam, I was instantly addicted and able to relax and not overthink things, and he didn't have to be corny; he could be romantic and passionate. When we got home everything wasn't perfect in our lives. I would still have nightmares and wake up in cold sweats and not want Sam anywhere near me at times when I was under stress for participating in traumatic abuse cases. Sam understood and knew my signals well enough to know when I needed space and when I needed my husband's arms to comfort me.

A year later, Asher was was now in his terrible twos phase, and my mama was quick to blame all of us for spoiling him. We worked together to make sure that nobody would call our son a brat, and so we wouldn't be embarrassed by him in public. The girls were now eleven and nine, and Taylor Marie and Stacy both had started their periods not long after each other. Poor Sam had three hormonal females to deal with around the same time each month, and Asher was trying the patience of a saint. The girls no longer considered me their second mother. After going through periods together, we were forever bonded as mother and daughters. We would still talk about Brittany, and Stacy would say that she watched us happily from heaven everyday being the happy family that she had wanted for us to be. Sam was not a perfect husband, and I wasn't a perfect wife, but we took my mother's advice and worked on our marriage always communicating even when it was hard, and choosing to follow Al Green's advice (Sam was now a 70s R&B and soul addict) while that smooth operator husband of mine could sing "Let's Stay Together," and I would sometimes forget what I was mad or sad about. That man and his guitar were a weakness for me especially when he got the girls and Asher to sing backup for him. I melted every time and would accept the flowers, candy, apologies, and hugs from them all. There was beauty from ashes after all. Our family motto became a family who prays and sings together, stays happy together forever.

(The lyrics to Sam and the Evans' family version of Al Green's Let's Stay Together)

I, I'm so in love with you  
Whatever you want to do  
Is all right with me  
Cause you make me feel so brand new  
And I want to spend my life with you

They say daddy *daddy since y'all been together  
You loving mom forever  
Is what we all need*

Let me be the one you come running to  
I'll never be untrue

Let's, let's stay together  
Lovin' you whether, whether  
Times are good or bad, happy or sad  
Whether times are good or bad, happy or sad

Why, why some people break up  
Then turn around and make up  
I just can't see  
You'd never do that to me (would you, baby)  
Staying around you is all I see  
(Here's what I want us to do)

Let's we ought to say together Loving you whether whether times are good or bad happy or sad.

Let's stay together Let's stay together Times are good or bad happy or sad...

Read more: Al Green - Let's Stay Together Lyrics | MetroLyrics

 **A/N 2** Another temporary ending of a story. I may revisit this work and rewrite and end it the way the I saw it ending. Just as always I write things that I never intended to write. Thanks for all the views, reviews, follows, and favorites that everyone gave this story. I know some of you didn't want Mercedes to end up with Sam, but while researching this work I find a case that a man slept with over 50 prostitutes and sometimes had unprotected sex with them spending thousands and thousands of dollars before he was caught by his wife. He ended up choosing to be chemically castrated to save his marriage. If those two could remain married after all of that, I know that it wasn't outside the realm of possibility that Mercedes could marry Sam and eventually have a true marriage with good sex included. Most of what I write comes from personal experience or research. So I take the time to read case histories, newspaper articles, and other things related to the material that I write that I am unfamiliar with so that everything has an air of honesty involved.

 **A/N 3** I would like to thank all of this awesome people for reviewing and sending PMs to me with inspiration to write and publish this story. First thanks to **whoknowstv** who first encouraged me to publish this after I had withdrew so many stories from fanfiction. She had been an unofficial collaborator throughout this story, and some of the things included all come from questions she had which made me have to dig deeper to express the characters' intentions. When writing from a first person point of view, we are limited to the other characters' motivations and rationales. I had to switch up to Sam's POV so that we could see what was actually going on in his mind. Also thanks to **Sweetiedee** who truly lives up to her name. I even tried to tempt her to ghostwrite for me but she declined, and I loved her reviews and honesty which helped me to become a better writer. My cheerleaders who made me post so much that I think I broke my own record of publishing a full length instead of novella version of this story are the wonderful **Zini, Ray Brasil, JuJubee58** who all along with **Monni2215** will probably read whatever I write and suffer through it because I try to make the ending worth it. I don't know if my guest reviewers kept reading or got too grossed out along the way but I appreciate their reviews as well as the reviews from **Mowatts 87, Akasha83** , and of course the phenomenal and last but definitely not least **mizjojob** (who I was pleased to get a chance of getting to know better and probably spilled too much of my tea to cyberly), if I left out anyone, it wasn't intentional. I have had a rough night but wanted to finish this story up, so I can devote myself to my family. Hope to being hearing from you again next summer. (Please note that most writers, with the exception of AnniKay and a few others, take over a year to publish a story of this size (almost 80,000 words which usually translates into more than 20 chapters), so please be understanding when I take my leave of absence from social media and fanfiction to focus on the job that pays the bills and the best family in the world who I love and who love me. Until next summer Bay.)


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